You've been the strong one for so long, you don't even remember when it started. Maybe it was childhood.

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Maybe it was a relationship that taught you that falling apart wasn't an option.

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Maybe it was just life, one hard lesson after another, and you were the one who held it together because someone had to.

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And you got really good at it. And I mean really good.

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Excuse me. So good that people stopped asking if you were okay.

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Because of course you were okay. You were always okay.

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But here's what nobody talks about.

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Strength when it becomes your only option stops being a gift. It becomes a prison. And today we're going to talk about why.

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Welcome everyone to the journey of an awakening spirit. I'm Kathleen Flanigan, an emotional freedom guide and founder of the I am the light sanctuary. We are

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in week two of our July series, the strong woman hidden breaking point. And here's what being the strong one looks like from the outside.

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You show up. You handle it. You don't complain.

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And you don't ask for help. You don't fall apart, at least not where anyone can see.

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Excuse me. People admire you. They rely on you. They call you their rock.

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Excuse me. And for a long time, that felt good because being needed felt like being loved.

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Being reliable felt like being valued.

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Being strong felt like being safe.

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But strength without softness is just tension with a better PR strategy.

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And here's what nobody sees from the outside. The exhaustion that lives behind your eyes.

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The way you lie awake at 2 am running through everything that could go wrong.

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The heaviness in your chest that you've learned to ignore.

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The loneliness of being surrounded by people who need you and realizing that not one of them is asking how you are.

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And here's what I want you to understand today. Being the strong one is not who you are.

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It's not what you learned. It's not It's what you learn to do to survive.

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At some point in your life, maybe very early, you got a message, spoken or

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unspoken, direct or through experience.

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You have to hold it together. People are counting on you.

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Falling apart is not an option. Your needs come last.

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And here's the cruel irony.

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The stronger you became, the more people leaned on you.

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The more people leaned on you, the stronger you had to become.

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until one day you looked around and realized nobody is holding me.

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Who is holding you right now?

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If the answer is nobody, I want you to know that it is not because you are unworthy of being held.

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It is because you have been so busy holding everyone else that you never showed anyone you needed it.

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So I want to talk about when my mother passed away.

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And what happened during that period of time was that I couldn't even get out of bed. I was completely flattened by the experience.

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I was numb. I felt in a stuper. I was fear of losing my home because I wasn't really working then

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and I just hurt and I don't think I really understood what grieving your mother was

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like until you have one and thank God we only have one mother to go through that because it is not fun when you lose your mother because you actually have a

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direct connection with your mother and when you have that direct connection what really happens is your spirit's out there looking for her because it's it

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knows mom's around. So, it goes out looking.

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But what else was happening was I I my family had no intentions of telling me and my niece reached out and

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told me and I've immediately went to the hospice where she was

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and we were estranged at that point in time and my family hated me for God knows

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what reason. maybe because u my mother asked for them to take care of her instead of me after 20 years, which I was fine with.

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But the grieving part and the venom that came out from my family and trying to understand what was going on and realizing that how they were acting is

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not what we learned. And spirit said, "No, it's not what you learned. It's not who you were.

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It's who they are and it's what they learned." And I had friends I had a friend who

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loaned me money so I could pay my rent for a couple of months and I said I'd have her paid back in a year, which I did. I had um a friend of mine was a

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psychologist and all she asked me to do was just get out of bed. Just get out of bed because I couldn't get out of bed. I

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mean, I was so flattened by this grief that I didn't even believe I would have to this degree.

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And I did. And then she said, "Then the next day, try to make your bed and then try to make yourself breakfast." I mean,

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it was like take baby steps. And that, I think, is when I really learned what baby steps were because I didn't know

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how else to deal with what was happening in my life.

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I was afraid that I would lose everything and by the time you could get any assistance, it's like we have to be on the streets by the time they're ready

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to assist you. when I was afraid I was going to be in the streets living um I I visualized living in a Buick down by the river. That's how desperate it was.

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And I actually felt like I lived there and that's why it didn't happen.

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And I remember a couple of friends called me from Chicago cuz I had just gotten back from Chicago

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and one of them hung up on me because a job came in. Now she didn't need the job. She didn't need the money, but it was how she played. And when she called

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back, I didn't answer the phone. And then another person that I talked to was there and listened. And then I never

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heard from her again because this person mainly was she was hanging on to me for dear life

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because I was the rock of Jialter and if I was falling, she was drowning. And I realized at that moment in time who my

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friends were because I realized so many people don't know how to deal with grief and it brings their own mortality. It

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makes them realize um a lot of things about themselves, the limitations of our human body. And I've

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never had a problem with grief because I've always believed just be there for them. Let them talk. Let them do that.

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You don't have to say anything because it's not about you in the grieving process when you're supporting someone.

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It's about them and all they need is somebody to just be there and hold them and allow them to be where they are in the process.

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And I couldn't get that. I needed to be held so badly because I didn't even understand so much of this and I didn't understand

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why my family was doing the things that they were doing. And there were two friends that stayed.

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And the only thing that they did differently is that they listened.

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That's all they did was listen. They didn't say anything. They just listened.

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They just held me. And one lady because I was so deep and I couldn't get out.

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She said, "Well, what is one thing that you're grateful for?" And I told her, "I'm back in Colorado."

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And I held on to that. And then the next day I was like, "Thank you for the blue skies." And it was that was how I started to move out of the grief because

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somebody cared enough to give me something else to think about.

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And within three months, I'm doing air clearances and I'm making $200 a pop.

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Work is picking up. And by the end of that year, I made I think $99,000.

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And I was so surprised. But I had to look and be in that place.

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And so that was the beginning of me finally starting to exhale that I didn't have to be the rock and I didn't have to

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just have people around me. I needed people who needed to be who wanted to be around me for the right reasons and not

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because you know I had angels around me or I'm strong or whatever it was. But I

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remember that it was probably the first time that I let someone in.

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And the world didn't end by doing that.

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It got better. But I realized about a week ago that this went another step deeper.

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and I had a coach and I don't know something came up in my brain and I went into like some sort of

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a panic attack and I reached out to him and said do you have a minute to talk because I was going down very quickly

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and he said give me so much time and at the end of that time he came out and he called me and he said what's going on

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and I just bursted out into tears and all he did was Listen,

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because it was the first time that I I asked for help.

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I was terrified to ask for help. I figured he would walk away from me.

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Everything that I've ever known about when I ask for help that nobody ever gives me the help that I've asked for.

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And I can't tell you how many times I ask people, "What part of I'm asking for help do you not understand?" And you

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know what their response has always been? Well, you're capable. You don't need any help.

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And I just couldn't believe somebody could actually say that to another human being

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when they're asking for help. And I swore I would never do that. So when I reached out to my coach and said,"I need

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help." And he's like, he stopped and the compassion and the gentleness and the softness came up and he just listened and he helped me to navigate.

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I was terrified because I didn't I didn't trust anyone. And even though I may have allowed people in to help me

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when my mom died, I didn't necessarily let them in. But my coach I let in. And that's when I realized that I wanted to

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be so much better that I was willing to walk through one of my greatest fears of trusting people and being abandoned because I asked for help. And he didn't.

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He was right there. He stood at my side.

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He told me what to do, how to navigate through it. And by the end of the call, I was in a totally different place.

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That's what you do when you're the strong one.

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That's what you do. Even if you don't trust anyone, when you want to change and you want to shift and you don't want

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to be that strong person, the way people have viewed you, you have to say, "I deserve to be treated differently. I am

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worthy to be heard. I am worthy to have the things I want in my life." But only you can make that decision and only you can ask for that help.

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And that changed so much in my life because at that moment

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everything did change and I don't think I realized it. And I know that we had

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this energy shift over this sum um last Sunday and I'm in the throws of it right now. There's a lot of things that are

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happening and changing and they're good changes, but they're emotional. It's all in the emotional phase. And right now, I'm in this emotional phase. I mean, my

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emotions are so close to the surface. I can't even see straight. I just want to break down and cry, but I'm not fully ready to break down and cry. And I

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didn't sleep well last night. I couldn't I wasn't tired when I went to bed, and I woke up at 4:00. So, I got four hours of sleep on top of it. But, I've been

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moving and getting things done. And I've been being with the feelings that I'm in. And I'm realizing I have been making

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massive, and I mean massive shifts in my thinking, in what I'm doing because if I want something different, I have to do

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something different. And last week when I started this training series and the way I looked at it, I said, I have so

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much egg on my face doing this. And a a lady in one of my in community, she said, well, you got at least four cats that'll lick it off your face. And it

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was so funny that she said it the way she said it because it was like, "Oh my god, let's just keep this light." Which I was making it light, but I

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didn't bring humor into it. And the one thing that I know that when we're in the middle of a transition like this,

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allow people in, share what you're going through because you don't know who that's going to help for someone else.

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And I know that I'm a strong one. I know that I'm capable and I know I'll get through this. And I know that I don't have a lot of people to talk to because

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of the way where I am walking. And I understand that and I'm okay with that.

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So I have to be with myself more. And what I realized also is that this is also there's more grief coming up about

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my father. There was a lot of healing done in May. There's a lot more of the shifting coming in. like as we release

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our trauma, as we allow people to come in, as we allow to face it, because at

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one point this little girl was so pissy and she was just, "I'm not doing this."

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And I realized when that thought left was like, "Oh my god, that's how I've always felt on the inside." Now, I may have acted that way because I know it's

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been running my life. And even if I didn't act with my hands crossed and pouting and stomping my foot like a little spoiled brat would do, I felt

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that on the inside. And that little girl moved away. And I think that's part of what's happening where there's a

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vulnerability that I'm not used to having. There's things that have happened in the last several days that I am

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making major decisions on that I don't know how to deal with yet. So, I'm not making the decision. I'm sitting with

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it. I'm sitting with what's coming up in my body. What am I feeling right now?

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And yesterday, I sat in that I felt like they're going to take sides. They're going to decide that I'm the I'm the bad

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person. The other person's right. Even though I didn't start anything, it was the other person. And I defended myself more or less tried to get it. And then

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it it was just the crap that this person did was unbelievable to me.

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And then, you know, my attitude was, "Well, good. I got her. That's all that matters." Because I said something that triggered her so badly. And instead of

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her owning it and taking responsibility for it, she went on about how right she was and that I'm jealous of her light

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and of like, uh, in your dreams, you haven't even stood in my energy to understand anything. and decided I was

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comparing myself to her when I was not comparing myself to her at all. But, you know, people are people and that's what

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we do. So, I figure I'm the bigger person. I'm the one that's got a clearer vision. I'm the one that's not in my childhood crap. And yes, I feel it.

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Don't get me wrong. I'm feeling it. I feel the paradigms. I feel what's coming up. I feel the stress in my body. And

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I'm finding peace with it. so I can release this and move on because that

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little girl being a pouty, snotty little spoiled brat doesn't serve me and it's not going to serve the people that I wish to serve.

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And what I've also discovered that the more that I heal, the more I ground into me, the more I understand my message, the clearer I'm becoming, the more things are opening up and lining up.

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This wouldn't be happening if I didn't do the work that I've been doing for the last several years and more particularly in what I faced in the last year. This

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has not been an easy year for me. And this is July and I'm thinking I was supposed to be someplace else and here I am right where I feel like I'm still stuck at. But I'm not stuck.

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I am probably moving leaps and bounds.

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It's just that how we perceive what's happening in our lives runs our lives all the time.

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And so that's why I always say get off the stage and observe your life because in order to change and see where you

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are, you have to reflect. You have to sit with it. You have to allow the emotions to come up. And so the the

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techniques that I've been giving you is what I do all the time where I'll just sit there and I'll breathe or I'll write

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or I'll go, "Wow, what's going on here?" and pay attention to what's happening in my bodies and what am I feeling on the inside and name this stuff.

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It's all you have to do. And it's not easy. This is not easy work. This is painful work. Let me tell you, this is painful. And I don't know why I chose to do all this in one lifetime, but I'm choosing to do it. And I'm okay with it.

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Because where I was when I came onto this planet, especially when I when the trauma happened and then going into

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adulthood, my adult life has been trying to figure out what the hell happened to me in my life. And now that I know and I

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don't know all of it, there is still a lot of stuff that is not being shown.

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And you know what? That's okay. Because I know when people say, "When you disassociated, don't you want to know what happened?" is like no I

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disassociated for a reason I couldn't handle it then and I will handle it when it's time and I have been dealing with

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that whole disassociation and what caused that probably in the last

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two years more particularly year but two years I have been facing it I've been going and then my father dies and he

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dies at the most appropriate time there's so many things and the synchronicity and the magic And the beauty of how our lives unfold

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is amazing. And if we could stop long enough and get out of our own way and and stop being such a nin with

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ourselves, we're just here. This is supposed to be like a game and fun, but it's not

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because we have these emotions we don't know how to deal with. But the only way that we take control of our life is when we take control of our emotions.

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When we stop the head trash. When we stop how the body operates, how the brain operates, when we understand all of that, there's a whole new body, mind,

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spirit connection that happens, that is mind-blowing. So, when you look at the people that are doing like amazing things in the world, they went through all of this.

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And I come on this show every single week and I show you what I'm in. You may not know what I'm feeling, but I do my

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best to share what I'm in and feel it. I am walking this path with you. I may be just a step or two ahead of you and that's it.

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But I'm showing you that there is a way out of whatever you're feeling on the inside.

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And that's what I wanted to share with you today is that sometimes tragedy or death or a new baby, things like that

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cause major shifts in our life because they're designed to cause that. They're designed to make us wake up. You're no different. You're no You're not better.

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You're not bad. You're not anything.

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It's just how life is. The thing is is we weren't taught how to cope. We weren't taught this stuff in school.

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That's the problem. And how many of us have mentors out there that are even showing us the way? Not a whole lot. I mean, when you think of how many people

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are on this planet and how few people are actually showing us the way, it's minuscule.

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And I'm one of those people that's willing to show you the way, however that is for you.

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So, I want you to take out a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle.

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And on the left side, I want you to write what my strength has given me.

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And on the right side, write what my strength has cost me.

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And not right now, but later when you have five minutes of your time, take five minutes and fill in both sides honestly.

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No editing, no minimizing.

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just the truth.

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And when you're done, look at both sides

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and ask yourself, is this still the trade I want to make?

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Not with judgment.

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not with shame, just honesty

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because awareness is always the first step. You cannot change what you cannot see.

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And I think one reason why so much of this is happening is the question that I ask myself.

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What am I not seeing that I need to do?

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Because if I knew what to do, I would do it. So, I'm not seeing something. And how the universe responds when you

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cannot change what you cannot see, it will give you things to come to you to show you what's still blocking you.

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That's the gift. It may not feel good, but that's the gift.

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So, I want you to find a comfortable position and go ahead and close your eyes or look downward.

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And go ahead and breathe in slowly and exhale.

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Bring to mind someone in your life who has held you

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even once, even imperfect imperfectly.

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Let yourself feel that.

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Let yourself receive it even in memory.

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Now place your hand on your heart and say I am allowed to need people.

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I am allowed to be held.

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My softness is not weakness.

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It is the bravest thing I have ever offered.

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Take one more breath in and exhale.

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Open your eyes when you're ready.

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You have been strong for a long time and that strength has served you.

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But strength was never meant to be your whole identity.

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Next week, we're going to talk about why asking for help feels unsafe.

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Subscribe so you don't miss it. Share today's episode with the strong woman in your life who needs to hear this.

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I am the L. And if you are ready to stop carrying this alone, come inside the I am the light sanctuary. I'm offering a

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7-day free trial and the link is in the show notes.

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I'm Kathleen Flanigan. Thanks for watching and remember, you don't have to carry this alone.

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