Why You Suddenly Feel Different From Everyone Around You

Kathleen Flanagan (00:01)
You sit in a room with people you've known for years and suddenly feel like you don't belong there anymore. Nothing happened. No argument, no big change. But something inside you feels different. Excuse me, same conversations, same people. But you're not experiencing that in the same way. And you can't.

explain why. And that's what we're going to talk about today. And if you're interested in learning more about what I do and go deeper into this topic, you can always join me in my free community at school.com forward slash I am the light sanctuary forward slash about.

So you're feeling different, but you don't know why. So let's just look at what's going on in our world right now. There's a lot of change happening. There's a lot of light entering the planet. That light is hitting into the deepest recesses of who you are. The old paradigms aren't working. The old ways of being aren't working. We are coming into more of a light vibration and not a materialistic vibration.

The us versus them is coming to an end and we are coming now into spirit of communication, cooperation, community, that kind of thing. So that's a big change. Now, most of the younger generation came in wanting to do that to begin with and the older generation came in to set the stage for this to happen. And yes, it's all happening a little bit differently than what we're used to, but that's what we've done. Excuse me.

and your conversations are feeling surfacey. Now I've experienced this my whole life that just to go to a party, to go to a party, to drink, to have fun and have sex or whatever it is that I was doing there or what I wanted to get out of it was not it for me. I always wanted those deeper meaning conversations because I always felt something was stirring inside.

But I know that for a lot of people right now, they're feeling the angst, they're feeling this, they're thinking, well, if I leave my spouse, if I just get a divorce, if I change my job, but that's not gonna change the problem. The problem is what's happening inside of you. Your disconnection is in the familiar environments and that's what's showing you that something's wrong. So you haven't changed and you're not broken. It's just that you are becoming

aware that you're out of alignment, that what's resonating on the inside is not the same thing that's going on the outside of who you are.

And then you also feel that quiet loneliness when you're around people. I used to observe that a long time ago. I remember people used to tell me, I don't like being alone. And I'm thinking, but you're alone with yourself all the freaking time. How can you say such a stupid thing? Because we are alone. And I could be in a group of, in a room full of people and feel so alone. Because I didn't know how to connect with people. That was part of it, part of it. I felt that loneliness, part of it.

I didn't understand the surface-ness, the surfiness of the world. I wasn't that person. And so I followed me wherever I want because anytime I figured, well, if I just change geographical locations or if I get a new job or if I do this, but see, I always followed me. So I had to look inside and I was forced to look inside because I never felt like I...

was all together. I always thought something was seriously wrong with me because nobody talked about this stuff. So I suffered in silence.

So you didn't change your life, but your experience of it has changed because you're starting to feel that there's something more, something bigger, or the grind doesn't work. Working for the man doesn't always work. You want something different. You're looking for something more. And we think that we're going to get it with the partners that we create, with the families that we have, or if we climb the social ladder and we're finding it's all empty.

because it's all on the outside of us. It's not on the inside, it's on the outside. And you're still there physically, but internally something shifted. And that shift is because you are being asked to grow and to evolve.

So when this shows up, what people notice first is that they don't feel like their life belongs to them. They feel confused instead of clear. They try to talk to their friends about it. They kind of get that deer in the headlight look because people don't talk about this. People don't even understand what's going on. And I remember when I was in Chicago and I had a friend and she had just had her second child.

And I was telling her and I was laughing the whole time, even though I was desperately crying inside. And I was telling her about the craziness that I was feeling because this was my waking up process. And as I'm talking to her about it and telling her what's going on and I'm making jokes about it, trying to take like the pain away.

She was laughing and she's going, my God, that's exactly how I feel. my God. And she's just talking and laughing because she said, you know, her friends just said, go have a drink and forget about it. And it wasn't something that was about having a drink. There was something about her second child that started her to wake up and realize there's something more than what she was doing. It's not a bad thing. It's just that people don't talk about it because they don't understand it. And they don't...

know how to find what they're looking for. Now, yes, we have all this social media out there. We have people that are talking about things, but are they really talking about the gut-wrenching things of you wake up one morning and it's like, who is this person that is in my bed? Why did I even marry that person? Because you shifted so much. So either you as a couple grows together through this and a lot of couples do and a lot don't. It just depends on how committed you are to the relationship.

Then you've got to take it one step further. And what if that contract is really over? And what if this was the time that you decided, because you made all these decisions, if this was the time that you decided that you wanted to break free from everything, regardless of what the world is saying about you, because God knows they're saying something, and you're listening and you're feeling even worse, excuse me. So you keep talking about it. So you just wander along aimlessly trying to figure out what's wrong.

And then you have to, and then what's the last thing you want to do? You don't want to go inside. The last thing you want to do is go inside. Because by then you might confirm that you're crazy. But what's going to happen is you're not crazy. Because what's happening is that your awareness is shifting. You're seeing something bigger. You're seeing something more meaningful out there. And you're moving out of autopilot and survival mode because how many of us came from survival mode?

A lot of people had a lot of experiences as children. You know, we had the latchkey kids that the moms and dads were working and the kids are at a certain age and they're just told to come home from school and lock the door because of daycare. There are lots of things that happen to a lot of people throughout the life. And even if nothing traumatic happened to you, something would happen that caused trauma. Every person on this planet has post-traumatic and they have trauma. And it's all in how we internalize something

as children or what we brought forward from another life that just exasperated it so we can finally move forward from it. So what you're noticing are patterns and misalignment. That's all it is. You're not crazy. You're not losing your mind. They're very explainable things. The old identity is starting to loosen. Because I was told lies.

My whole life was based on a lie in my opinion. And even to this day, when my sister called me right before my birthday and told me some things about my father and mother's relationship, again, another deeper version of the lie. And that lie was perpetuated and perpetuated and perpetuated until I believed it. And when I hit my 40s is when I started to realize, you know, there are two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle, there's a truth.

Now I never knew my father's side of the story. This was the first time I heard my father's side of the story.

One time, the rest of it was my mother. And I remember just saying, know, mom, there's two sides to every story and I don't know what the truth is. And it was because I was so sick and tired of after 20 years of her saying how much she hated my father and how he didn't pay for child support and how he didn't do this and how he didn't do this and how he didn't do this. Come to find out that there was a divorce agreement out there that my father took on every bit of debt.

and my mother had nothing and she got the house, she got the kids, she waived child support, she waived everything. And yet she complained about how worthless my father was. I'm sorry, when I heard that, that was like, okay, I need to process that one a little bit because it was another lie that went a little deeper of not knowing the truth. And that's all I ever wanted from my family, but that was something that they were guaranteed to take to the grave and they did.

And that's all that's coming out is you're not becoming different. You're just becoming aware. And as we age and get and become more mature, we start realizing that there's more to than just what we think up here. There's more. There's something bigger coming out in front of us. And there's nothing that teaches us about the waking up process of what it's like. Excuse me. I don't know what is in my throat.

Nobody teaches us what this is like. They teach us what we need to do to get through school to be a good trained little person. So when we go to work, everybody can continue browbeating us and manipulating us and thinking something's going on and strive for the almighty dollar and strive for everything that we think is successful because we were programmed to what we think success is.

Success is really when you are stepping into your own alignment, in my opinion. It's when you're awake and when you're self-realized, when you're doing what makes your heart sing and what makes you happy. Because during my 40s, I went around a lot of what makes my heart sing. What is making my heart sing? Because I really didn't know what made me sing. I didn't know what made me happy. I didn't know what I liked. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I had to go back to that child of what

did that little girl want when she grew up? What was the thing that made her the happiest? And mine came out to be dance. I love dance. Dance was my expression when I couldn't speak and it was still how I wanted to express and it's caused my growth and evolution at the same time. So the version of you that built your life isn't the same version anymore. And another thing that happens when we're going through this, we need to mourn

the life that we thought we wanted. Because every single one of us as little children created this life of what we thought we wanted our life to be. And believe it or not, when our life doesn't turn out as that child's mind was, we need to grieve it. Because part of that is that you're grieving what you never got. I I think about my Christmas, I'm anal about Christmas, I've gotten better, thank God I finally got over Christmas.

But to me, Christmas was supposed to be a very beautiful, happy, joyful time. And it's not about gift giving. It was about family, friends, enjoying each other's company, coming and celebrating something that was just something nice to do. That is not my holiday season. It was like, learned to hate the holidays because it wasn't it. And I got addicted for a while on Christmas movies, especially right after my mother died and I was alone.

because that's all I ever wanted. That was the greatest thing that I was missing. And you know what? My holidays are the best now because now I have the holidays that I want. I had to mourn what I didn't get and then I created what I wanted. So what I wanted I now have, but I don't have to be around the family. I don't have to be around the drama. I don't have to be around any of it. I changed the way I looked at it and made it to be mine. And the people around me are my family because I don't have a family.

And so the people that are in my life are now my family. And that was taking power and control instead of being depressed and nobody loves me and the Eeyore complex and victimhood and everything else that we do. So you're coming out of survival and you're going into awareness and your identity was built from expectations because not only did you have dreams,

How many of you had your parents saying, this is what you're going to do when you're going to grow up. You're going to take over the family business or we went into the military and you're going, we've got three generations in military, you're going. Or you're to be a doctor or a lawyer. But everything wasn't about being an artist. A lot of times it was about what can you do to make the most money? And that may not have been what you wanted, but it's what you did.

And this is another reason why our environments stop resonating.

Because if we're not living the life that we want, and if we're not doing the things that make us happy, gosh, I'm so sorry.

Our environment doesn't feel right either.

And that comes with the people around you. Are you keeping toxic people around you or are you doing something different? Are you getting them out? Are you saying no? Are you establishing boundaries? Because this all becomes part of that process of what are you allowing into your life and are you going to perpetuate it or are you going to go through the discomfort and grow up from it and realize it and walk through it? And you're not alone. You've never been alone and there's plenty of people out there

that are supporting people like this. And this is another reason why the overachievers are the way that they are, because there's this life that they built, it was coming from survival, it was coming from the expectations that they had to do, it was about taking control of their life and thinking that this is everything it was, but silently they're in there calling people, they're slackers, and they're wondering why the boss dumps all the work on them.

is because they show that they can do it and so many other people out there don't care.

But you do.

Still haven't quite understood that one 100 % yet, but it's not my problem. My problem is that I do care. And because I do care, I'm going to do the things that make me happy so I can feel at peace with what I feel like doing.

So this is nothing more than a transition. It's not a problem, you're just transitioning. I like to say if you're growing up, you're becoming more mature, you're realizing the world is bigger than you, because it's not just about you anymore, it's about that there's other people. What can you give back? What is your legacy that you want to give back to the world? Is it coming through your children? Is it coming through something that you create, you invent, whatever it is?

But you're also learning to trust that internal change. You're starting to look at, what is causing this? And the only way to find out what's causing it and what's burbling up is journal it, meditate, do yoga, walk, whatever it is, spend that quiet time with you because when you spend the quiet time with yourself, that's when you start discovering what's really going on.

That's when you start understanding what this emotion is that you're feeling. Because so many people don't understand their emotions, they don't know them, they don't name them. But when you start taking control of your life, you will know what anger is, you know what frustration is, you know what resistance is, you know what love is, you know what jealousy is, you know what anger is, you understand those emotions and you realize they're nothing more than just that, emotions. Whatever judgments you have,

It's your judgment. If a world gives you a judgment, and believe me, I've had a lot of people give me judgment about my anger, and I said, what's your problem? I don't have an issue with my anger. I love my anger. My anger kept me alive. That's what my anger did. I loved it. And I said, and since I'm not displaying anger, what is mirroring back at you? Because if you're seeing my anger when I'm not even demonstrating it, then you have a problem with anger, and maybe you should look at it instead of pointing your finger at me.

That's what I started to learn to do. And I have actually done that with people. They didn't like me for it. Didn't care. Because you know what? I was done being the whipping post of people sitting there going on about my anger.

It's just an emotion. Your judgment is your judgment. It wasn't like I wasn't working through it. It was like I had so much anger. It was unbelievable. And that anger was compounded day in and day out for most of my childhood. And then I spent the rest of my life trying to get rid of it and understand it and release it and forgive people.

So I don't have an issue with my anger. I still don't have an issue and people want to still tell me I have anger issues. And it's like, no, actually it's more like passion because passion and anger come really close together because I'm passionate about what I'm doing. And if it comes off, then it's that frustration. It's not anger, it's frustration. And I can identify my emotion so anybody can sit there and say whatever they want to, but I always call them out on it and take it and I won't tolerate it.

because I know myself well enough to know. If that's what I'm doing, I'm triggering something in them, then it's time for them to own what I'm triggering. Because all I am is a mirror, just like you're a mirror to me.

So when you start learning to trust your internal change, you're also allowing your identity to evolve because sometimes, I mean, like I said, when I woke up, I don't remember who I was, was like, who am I? What do I think? How do I feel? Because I was everybody else. I took everybody else's stuff on. And I didn't know who my identity was. And you know what I came out to realize? First of all, I'm pretty cool. I don't care what anybody thinks. And I don't really care. If they don't like it, then I never invited them in so they can leave. But I've discovered that I was pretty cool.

I do have a great sense of humor. People may not always understand it, but I think it's kind of funny when I allow, because I don't always let it come out, but I'm working on it. But I allow that part of me to come out. And I also realize the value that I bring to this planet, that what I have done so far in my life, nobody else could do. And the energy that I brought to this planet during this process, nobody else could do. Just like you are just as valuable as I am during this process.

And when you understand and see the bigger picture of you, then you start realizing how as big as you are in the angelic spiritual realm and how small we appear to be, but we're still giants in the world if we're waking up and making change, because the change will happen because of you and me. And this is also the beginning of when you start reconnecting with yourself.

And that's a main part is you want to reconnect with yourself. And until you know who you are, how do you reconnect? Until something is stirring inside, you're not gonna look, you're gonna stay in the grind, because it's easy and you don't have to think about it and the ego's running your life. But do you want to constantly be controlled by that? I didn't. I didn't like being controlled by the ego. I didn't like being controlled by my paradigms. I wanted to make decisions. I didn't like to react to things. I wanted to make conscious choices.

I wanted to respond, not react. That's a big difference. And that was a lot of work on my part to do that. And I still fall, don't get me wrong. I still fall and people still push my buttons. It's getting less and less, thank God. But it also, what I look at as well, that's just that much more I gotta do. There's still something down there that's triggering me. I better go find it. Because I don't want people to control me in any way, shape or form. I don't wanna be triggered by them. I don't want any of it.

but I don't take it as you're picking on me, you hate me. I might say stuff like that, because that's just what I do. It's a stupid habit. But a lot of times that's just part of the fun because it still comes down to it's me, I know it, and I have to change it. So I do. So you're not losing your place. You're just finding your alignment. You're just finding the core essence of you in this process. And what is it that you think? And what is it that you feel? And how do you want your life to be?

And who do you want to bring on your journey? Because a lot of times some of the people that were around aren't serving us anymore or we've outgrown them because they're staying the same way and nothing's changed. mean, how many of you people really stay in touch with your elementary friends or high school? Some people do. I get that. I'm not one of them. I have gone through people like there is no tomorrow, but it's not like I went through them.

It's like we received what we needed to receive from each other and we moved on. And I'm forever grateful for those people, even though our relationships terminated, we went different routes, but we were supposed to come together for a reason. It's that saying a season, a lifetime or a moment, I think it is, something along those lines. And all you have to do is figure out where they belonged. Because whatever value they brought to me,

I brought value to them too, because it's a two-way street and we always think it's one-sided when it's not. So you're not falling apart, you're just waking up. So it's a matter of just change your perspective. That's all you have to do, change your perspective and take this on as an adventure of what am I going to discover here? What is it going to be like when I get on the other side? Because all your changes are happening in the spaces in between. And that's where you are right now.

You're in the space in between from the old you and the new you. And that's where all the growth happens is right there. When you get on the other side is when you see all the change.

So what happens if you don't ignore it?

You're gonna grow, you're gonna feel uncomfortable. It's not gonna feel fun. You're going to question everything you do. You're going to start looking deeper, but you're going to gain power. And it's a self power. And when you stand in your power, people respond to you differently. There's a whole new level of respect that comes when you stand in your power.

Because when you're standing in true power, you're not shaming, you're not belittling, you're not taking somebody else's credit for what they did. You know, it's so different. And I remember when I was growing up and when the corporations started downsizing, what was the first thing they got rid of? Middle management. And you want to know why middle management was the first one to go? Because they were the biggest bullies on the planet. They were the most horrible people to be working under was in middle management.

Because the younger people that are the worker bees are wanting to make you happy. They bring things and then the boss takes it up and like it's their idea. And then upper management is already there. So they and it was when upper management started to see where the fat was that they needed to trim. What it did is it also caused more work for the younger the younger people, the ones the worker bees. Because it was all about money, it wasn't about people. But when you come back into a place where you're remembering about people, that's what changes.

And this stage matters because there's no getting out of this. This is the caterpillar turning into the butterfly. There's no getting around it. Nature tells us all the time what it's like, that it's going to be like when we deal with this. But what happens when you wake up to it is just, it's beautiful. It is the most freeing, liberating feeling you've ever experienced. You've gone up a new rung on the ladder.

You can't even believe that your life has changed. It seems magical. And it's all because you did the hard work. That's all it is. So if you've been feeling this, like you don't quite fit your life the way that you used to, you're not alone and you're not broken. Something inside of you is changing. And while it can feel confusing, it's also the beginning.

of something more honest. You're stepping into your true magnificence. You're stepping into who you see up here, not what you're showing here. You're taking your mask off and you're allowing the world to see you and you're feeling the vulnerability.

But that's where the liberation comes from. That's where your power comes from. That's when you start trusting your voice. You don't start looking outside for answers. You look inside because when you know what you want, there's something that changes within your psyche about it. So if this resonates with you and you want a place to a place to explore this more deeply, come join me inside my community at school dot com forward slash. I am the light community forward slash about.

This is where we take these conversations further and help you start making sense of what you're experiencing. If you like what you heard on the show, I would love it if you would share the link with somebody who might be going through this, who might need a little bit of guidance or support. Feel free to like and subscribe to the show, whatever you want to do. But my community is a place for safety. There's no judgment. You come as you are.

you take your time. That's the main thing is because when we are overstimulated and when we start waking up, there's a lot going on and our nervous system is struggling and you need to calm the nervous system down so you can move to that next level. And the nervous system is getting activated because the ego is now saying, wait a minute, you got to stop, I'm here to protect you. And our brain is living from the time of caveman days

not where we are today. So it's about you taking your power, you taking control. I really enjoy talking to you. I look forward to seeing all of you next week, Tuesday at 4 p.m. From my heart to yours, I hope you have a fabulous week.