Why You Feel Off (Even When Life Is Good)

Kathleen Flanagan (00:14)
You built a life that looks right, but it doesn't feel right. You did everything you were supposed to do. You worked hard, you stayed disciplined, you pushed through it when it was hard. And now you've built a life that looks right, but doesn't feel right. There's a quiet question you say out loud that you don't say out loud.

Why doesn't this feel like I thought it would? Because nothing is technically wrong, but something is missing. And that's the part that's hard to explain. Today, we're going to talk about why success can feel empty and why you are quietly carrying that feeling alone. If this is hitting a little too close, if you're sitting there realizing this is me, then don't just listen to this and go back to holding it all together alone. Come sit with people who actually get it.

Inside my community, we're not performing strength, we're learning how to feel safe again, without the mask, without the pressure, without having to prove anything. And if you've built a life that looks right, but doesn't feel right, this is where you start coming back to yourself. Join me at school.com forward slash I am the light sanctuary forward slash forward slash about.

Hello everyone and welcome to the journey of an awakening spirit. I am Kathleen Flanagan, your host. So you think you should be feeling happy and you're not. And on paper, everything actually looks fine. You've achieved the goals, you built the stability and you created a life that makes sense and yet you feel flat, disconnected and overwhelmed. And this is a second layer, there's guilt underneath that.

because you feel like you should feel grateful and you don't. And you keep pushing it down and you keep moving forward, hoping that eventually it will just start to subside. And this isn't because you've done anything wrong, it's just about how you built what you did. And you didn't build your success from alignment, you built it from survival. Where you were proving your worth, where you were avoiding failure, where you were needing control.

and where you were earning love or validation so that your life felt safe. But that's not how you are now. And I have to share that over the weekend, I had done a money meditation and it was very interesting doing this meditation. And as a result of it, I went back to a place of when I created my first money,

limitation in this lifetime and it had to do with my parents, of course, always. And my mother was always saying she didn't think she had enough money and so on and so forth. Well, I re-listened to the meditation the next day and I went back into the womb and it was a very interesting experience of what I discovered. So not only did I create a money,

limitation, I also felt the pain and the rage and the unworthiness that went with it at that time because my mother, when I was born, always felt like I was... ⁓

She didn't have money. I was her first child, so she was the nervous mother. She didn't feel like she had any money. And I took that as she didn't want me, she didn't love me, she doesn't care about me. And yes, I discovered all those things were true, but I created a whole life around that. And then I always felt like when it came to asking to be put into a dance class, my mother was, her thing was, how dare you ask for such a thing?

because there's so many mouths to feed. And it's like, well, you put Kelly in one. And she's like, because she walked like a duck. And I'm like, well, what does walking like a duck have to do with somebody who wants to go to a dance class? And I just remember that it was like all these things compounded of my unworthiness. I wasn't safe. Nobody cared about me. My needs weren't being met. I wasn't.

being selfish for asking for something I wanted, I just wanted to develop dance because I just love to dance. And when Kelly got to go in, I voiced it and I was pretty well shut down at that point. And so what did I do? I started going in and I started acting as if I can handle it. I can take care of myself. I'll do what I need to do. And I just worked my butt off and I did the things I did and I became very accomplished in my life.

I've done a lot of things. People are amazed at the things I've done, but I've done a lot. I wanted to. To me, my attitude was I came here to experience life and that was not sitting on the couch doing drugs, drinking and watching TV. That was not living a life to me. Living a life was doing the things that I can do and the things that made me want to do them because I love the water. So I learned I can charter up to a 40 foot sailboat. How many people can do that?

And I don't talk about it anymore because I don't live in South Florida. But it was a big accomplishment. But again, I won dance championships. And what did I do with all of them? You I have the awards, the accolades, and it's like, yeah, okay, that's nice. Because it didn't mean anything because it wasn't coming from where I wanted. Yes, these were things that I loved doing, but I was still out of alignment with what I wanted. And then, you you struggle with why does money feel like it's always eluding me and everyone gets it but me?

Well, that's not the truth either. There's a money block. And so when I was doing this hypnotic type trance thing, I discovered that my blocks were in my thighs. What a strange place, but it's where the blocks were. And a friend of mine described it as, it's the energy's trying to come up and your legs are like the tree trunk, but the energy can't get past the trunk. It's blocked there.

So what am I doing? I've been talking to my body and saying, it's okay, you're safe because I may be releasing this and I may have looked at it and I may know what my money blocks are and release from past life when I put a vow into place, I did that as well. And it doesn't matter if I did that or not. The whole point is, is if the blocks are still there,

The body has to heal too, the body has to release. Because you can do all the work up here and you can speak it all out of your mouth all you want to. But if you can't get your whole body, mind, emotions, everything into alignment, nothing's going to change. And that's the one thing that I've learned in the last couple of years of all the work that I've done. I've changed a lot of this. I speak differently from here. I hold them, I stand in my power. I do all that.

When I've had this detox, I started noticing I had blocks in my arms. I had blocks everywhere. You have bugs that are going on in your life, in your body. If you can't heal your body, how is it going to move you to that next level? It's not. You gotta get rid of the blocks. So discovering that I had two blocks in both my thighs, in the front, center, and so for the last couple of nights, I've been asking, it's okay, you're safe. I'm here to take care of you. I'm doing this detox.

I'm healing you, I've got you. And you need to work with your body because a lot of us just ignore our body, but this is our first thing that we created. This is our first physical manifestation that we created in life is that we created our own bodies. Nobody else created this for us, we did. Excuse me. So as I'm doing this, so interesting things have happened because of this. Aside from masses of...

massive assimilation, massive awareness, interesting dreams. The whole thing that's come out now is yesterday I got a letter from my mortgage company saying, we'll give you $75,000. Here's the interest rate, here's what it is, this is what you do. And of course I have its equity in my home. And of course I put $200,000 down on this home when I sold my other one. So I was like, okay.

I'm going to give you money for money that belongs to actually me that I'm borrowing, but I'm not really borrowing because it's mine. But that's how I logically went down the road. the other place I went was like, wow, I just opened a door out of the blue. Out of the blue. I'm being told you've got $75,000 worth of equity and you can do whatever you want with it and it's yours. And we're dropping the interest rate and so on and so forth. I'm like, whoa.

That's something to think about. I'm going to read the fine details, which I did. Then today, when I opened my email, I received some more money from PayPal from a bank that had violated or security breach or something and there was money put in my account. like, well, I wonder if this explains that stuff that happened with this fraud that happened back in January, because there was a lot of fraud that happened in January and not just on my bank account.

but on my business bank account too, and they are totally unrelated and it hit a credit card and all sorts of things. And none of this, and my credit card was not in the PayPal that I'm aware of, but it was just really weird that today there's money being come in. so I must be releasing. I must be getting more into alignment. I'm integrating more of what's happening in my life. And that's why when we talk about

that you need to be in alignment, it's that because now it's like, well, there's something here, there's a value here that, and I feel like I'm going deeper into myself that my message once again gets clear because I can go in and touch on areas that I didn't have. So now all of a sudden, I can charter a 40 foot sailboat. That's pretty frigging cool people. That's really a pretty frigging deal.

You know, I've won dance championships. That's really cool. I've won awards for things, for my books. I'm a number one bestseller. All of a sudden, these things are like, this really makes a big deal here. Instead of yeah, on to the next, on to the next. And I know I've talked about this a lot of times, but this is really the truth of it. But see, we're trapped into what society tells us how we're supposed to act. That's the thing. Society says,

You know, you should get a good job, make six figures, have 3.2 kids, have the white picket fence, you know, that kind of thing. That was what I was raised with. And that was not how it felt for me. didn't want any of that. That wasn't my dream. That wasn't the American dream for me. The American dream for me was just to be able to be who I am and express who I am and be accepted for who I am. That's what I wanted.

But because that's not what society talked about and that's not what I saw in the world, that's why I chose to do what I did. But it just made me feel like I didn't have the value. I was adapting to my environment. I put up with things because something was better than nothing. And believe me, we think like that too. Well, something's better than nothing. But did it fulfill me? No. I mean, I wrote the books.

and they were hard, those books were so hard to write. I was tortured by those books and I didn't want to bring them out ever to see the light of day and yet the first book I was okay with, the other two not so much. And then I did and when I did I knew when it was time to bring them out it was the perfect time and I was in alignment with those books. Just like I'm in alignment with a lot of other things that I'm doing so when I did this money thing because you know,

It never hurts to see what's out there with money, because there's always people wanting to do money, but money isn't what people think it is. It's just an energy, and I can take money into that, that it's an energy, and let's work it that way. But when you discover that I had this thought at six years old and observing,

That was surprising, but when I did it again and I went into the womb, I mean, that's prenatal and I'm experiencing rage and anger and frustration and all of that in the prenatal state. my frigging God. And it's like, no wonder everything eluded me if I had that much rage and it wasn't, I mean, my mother had rage, my father had rage because they were both abused and.

all of that. So I'm carrying this on in a lineage. You know, this is one of those what generational things. So I'm carrying both of their stuff in me. So now I'm it's almost like I took their stuff on because I was born from them. And so I'm not necessarily releasing them by releasing what I received and internalize. And now I have to get rid of it. And that's the one thing what I don't think most of us ever look at is that you really do

need to work on forgiveness. Now I've done a lot of forgiveness work. I've seen money come towards once I did more forgiveness work. Getting more into alignment, I see more money coming in. But it still comes into that total body, soul connection. And I'm talking body and what am I working on for the last 90 days is my body. And I feel a lot better. I still have issues, nothing major. It's healed up considerably from what it was.

So I'm really grateful for that, but I'm not all the way on the other side. And when I had that conversation with my doctor today, he's like, everything's going good for you. Why are you saying you're disappointed? said, because I'm totally unrealistic. I said, I want my 20 year old body back. And I wanted it back in 90 days. And we just laughed because he knew it was ridiculous. I knew it was ridiculous. I said, but overall I'm not.

complaining, I said the main thing is is that I expected a little bit more weight loss by now than I got, but I am losing and that's a good thing. So, whoo-hoo. ⁓ But I also know that as the weight comes off, more things are coming up because I have talked to many obese women in my days and many of them will admit to it that they know that they are eating and every pound they have is stuffing something further down from a tragic life experience that they had.

So not that I felt like that. I figured most of mine was the menopausal stuff. And yes, it was, but not all of it. I think the other part of it is that what's coming off now is stuff that was burbling up and surfacing. And now that it's over, like my father's past, I've moved through a lot of that. There's still more stuff that came up through doing a money meditation, hypnosis thing that was...

really surprising of what I saw, experienced, and felt afterwards. Woman's incredibly good. But the point was is that this is stored rage. This was like in a volcano erupting is what it felt like when it came up. And I described it as it's like this lava coming out of this volcano with rage and anger and frustration and how

Dare they? And all this kind of stuff. I mean, it was just amazing to experience that, but it was also the way I verbalized some of it was like a little kid's experience of it. Like I wish my parents were dead. And that's how a little kid, because you want them dead to make the pain go away. And it was strange as an adult to look at it, but if I'm releasing childhood trauma,

than that you have to allow that to express. And I think because I allowed that to express, things are coming towards me in money ways that I never expected to see. Not that I didn't believe it could happen. It's always something a surprise because I'm not focused on that. I'm focused on internalizing and.

coming back into harmony with me, coming back into balance, integrating what came up and just really loving that little girl, letting her know it's safe. And now I have to tell my body, you're safe. It's okay. Trust me. I'm not abandoning you. I'm helping you. Look at what I've done for you. Because our body does have its own consciousness and it's always talking to us. We just don't listen to it. That's the thing. Because it has the most unique

Language and you have to learn the language of the body. I am no expert at this by any means I can tell you when something's wrong But I can't tell you how to fix it and all I can do is describe what I'm feeling But I know something's wrong the nice thing especially with alternative doctors They listen to what you're saying because they know what the words that you're saying there is a reason for it You go to a medical doctor. Here's a pill alternative doctors lot different story and that's who I choose to go with

So that's why when I was saying, know there's things going on, I knew things were wrong, I just didn't know what was wrong. And I knew that my health was very critical when I found this, when Sal brought this to me. And I said, I don't care, I'm gonna spend what money I don't have and I'm gonna get my body well because it's the only thing that keeps me going in this world. Because if I'm an invalid, if I lost my mind, if I'm institutionalized or whatever, pull the plug.

because I'm not going to live any other way than the way I'm choosing to live. So that means I'm going to take care of the body. And that has been something I have done my whole life is take care of my body. I figured if I'm going to live to a ripe old age of 100, I am not going to be on pills or hurting and in pain or any of that. I wanted to have the strongest body I could have as it goes through the aging process.

That's what I chose to do.

So yes, talking to the body, letting us know it's safe because when I integrated that in this meditation, when I integrated it, I actually hugged myself like this. And it was so cool because it was like, wow, I'm like feeling like I'm putting like all of me back together in a way. Like I took that little girl and I held her and the adult was holding the adult. It was the strangest feeling.

And I was emotionally, I felt like a mess. I looked like I had been through hell and back with the emotions. I did do some crying, not a lot, but I did some, it was just this burbling up and burbling up. And I just sat with it and I sat with it and I sat with it. I didn't do a whole lot of anything else because I couldn't do anything and I didn't want to. And that was part of me learning to start healing myself instead of like, I can't deal with this. Where's the wine? Where's the pot? Whatever, you.

people do to numb themselves out. I chose not to do that. I chose to just sit with it and be with it. I didn't work, I didn't do anything. I just kind of sat with it. I talked to a friend. We laughed about it. We processed it. We talked about my dreams. We did a lot of things that just helped to move it, but she helped bring laughter to it because laughter was not something that I could see yet.

It's what I wanted. It's like I came here to play and have fun and make money doing the things I love doing and all of that. And I've done, I have made money with the things that I love doing and not just the nine to five. So I'm really grateful for that, but it hasn't been fun. And that's what I wanted to do is bring fun. So when, when we were talking about that and we're laughing and

joking and you know, we're two peas in the same pod is what we are because she says something I know exactly what she means and vice versa. But that's the whole point of that's why when you're feeling out of alignment that things aren't working for you or you're seeing something it's because you're awakening. Nothing bad is happening to you. You're just awakening. Your awareness is happening and with the changes that are coming on this planet you have no choice but to wake up.

I mean, we've got an us versus them going on all the time. It's me against you. And no, it's not. It's about cooperation. It's about finding your tribe of people. Because the more I find the people like me, the more I feel like they are the wind beneath my wings and I'm theirs too. Like as I rise and level up, so do they, so does the earth. And that's what I wanted to do. That's what I came here to do.

And if I'm feeling the heaviness and the density inside my body and I'm feeling it's not right, how am I going to continue to do much of anything? Because we know when we're sick, we're sick. We have a migraine, we have a migraine. We have fibromyalgia, we have it. We are down for the count. You can't do anything when you're down for the count.

I was a migraine sufferer for the most of my life. I did everything to learn to not have migraines. And you know when it changed was the day that I was down for the count and I was in so much pain and I was laying on my bed and I'm just finally out of exasperation asked my body, why are you doing this? What do I need to do to stop the migraines? And I was so floored at the response. The response was, because you asked me to.

Okay, why did I ask this? And it said, because you asked me that every time you get too close to the light, you wanted me to stop you because you have died so many times in the past from getting too close to the light.

Okay, thank you very much. You did an amazing job of protecting me and I deeply appreciate you honoring my request, but I don't need that anymore. I'm okay with going to the light. I'm safe and I'm protected and thank you and you are now released from this. And do you know what? I have never suffered another migraine.

My headache's starting to come on, but I never suffered from another migraine. And that was over 20, almost 30 years ago. That was huge. But see, I was in such a desperate place and I was willing to listen to anything. And that was my body speaking to me. And if that's what my body told me and that's what I did, because see, we put vows into place. We don't think we do, but we do.

How many people put a vow of poverty into place? I mean, I have a money meditation that I created, the quantum leap money meditation that will take you to the time that you actually created your money limitation. And then you, we, we've everything and it goes across all timelines and it works. So that's the main thing. So when I experienced this, it's like, wow, this is something different because see, I thought I had reached, I had.

removed all of my money limitations from this lifetime. So that was a surprise there. But see, if this is hidden in trauma, that makes sense. Why would I see it if it's hidden in trauma? Anything that I could see prior to that or after that point made sense. But see, I couldn't see from 11 to...

Baby, couldn't see that time. And yet this hypnosis thing took me to six years old and I'm like, well, this is surprising. And then when the second one took me into the womb, it was even more surprising because that's where everything started for me. That's what I know. Because I've had too many experiences that I've been back in the womb. It takes time, okay? It takes time to do things like that.

But just know it's not that you're doing anything wrong. You're not doing anything wrong. You're just learning. You're growing. You're evolving.

And that's the main thing. Nothing's wrong with you and you're not broken. You're just waking up. And that's the only thing I can tell you to bring your heart at ease. So if this hits something in you, you're not ungrateful and you're not unbroken. You're just waking up. And that emptiness that you feel, it's not a problem. It's a signal.

that you're ready for something more true. And if you're done pretending that everything is fine and if you're done carrying this quietly by yourself, then this next step, then this is your next step. It's not more information, not another thing to figure out on your own, it's support. Real conversations, real healing. A space where you don't have to be the strong one all the time.

And that's exactly what we're building inside my community. You don't have to explain yourself. You don't have to prove anything. You just have to show up as you are. My community is on school.com at I Am The Light Sanctuary forward slash about. And if you come and check me out and sign up, you will receive a seven step guilt free protocol as a free gift.

I want to thank you for being here today. really do appreciate your time. It means the world to me that you give up your precious time to listen because I've lived everything that I talk about on the show, everything I have lived through. It's nobody else's. It's all my experiences. And I do have tools to show you the way back to you. And it's all up to you when you are ready. And it's always when you are ready.

So if you liked what you heard, if you know somebody who needs to hear this, then please feel free to forward the link to them. You can subscribe for the next show. Otherwise, I hope you all have a fabulous week and I will see you all next week, Tuesday at 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.