Why You Can't Relax

Kathleen Flanagan (00:01)
You're not imagining this. For a lot of people, doesn't actually feel peaceful. It feels uncomfortable, sometimes even a little unsettling. Not because anything is wrong with you, but because your body learned a different normal. And once you understand why that happens, your entire relationship with relaxation starts to make sense. Keep watching to get some tips on how to take back control.

Hello everyone and welcome to the journey of an awakening spirit. I'm Kathleen Flanagan, your host.

So when life finally does slow down, do you feel that something feels just a little off? There's nothing urgent, but your mind stays busy. You get rest, but you don't feel settled. And peace feels strongly uncomfortable. So if you have noticed any of those things when you finally do get quiet and you can't really fully relax,

This is going to speak to the unease that many of the high achievers feel rarely, but rarely discuss. And we're gonna normalize that experience without having to experience. So basically...

And I'm still guilty of this. I'm going to tell you that right now. I'm still very guilty of resting. I do a lot of rest. I do take my time. I do my things in the morning. I'm receiving messages. I'm journaling. I'm always doing that. But I've noticed lately that when I finally decide to like really just not do anything, sometimes it's just that my brain just finally said,

can't do anything more lady. We're going to stop. And I have a list of to do of things I want to get done. And yet for some reason I can't remember why I'm doing it and I stop and I still feel sometimes a little anxious. I'm getting better about it, but I still get that overachievers thing going on that my nervous system is in settling down the way I wanted to. I contribute a lot of it has to do with

this detox I'm on right now because my central nervous system is all discombobulated because there's so much stuff happening with cleaning the gut, cleaning the liver. I start lymphatic on Friday on that. I'm doing, I'm just mainly drinking shakes and eating one meal a day. And I'm not hungry. I feel fine. But there's something

on the inside that's shifting because I'm changing something that I naturally do. And I also know that I'm having to give myself a lot of grace during this period because I have to rest. I don't have the energy and the capacity to go out there and, you know, do a marathon. And I think when we talk about stuff like that, when you're doing something different, we notice that more.

And it takes even more time for us to sit down and relax and just be with it. And it still sucks. I don't care what you say for me. It still sucks because it's like I should be doing something more. But I'm also at the same time, I'm watching that this is almost like that space in between where here I am. Here's where I'm going. And I'm in this space in between and I'm navigating. And I talk about this a lot because this is becoming very, very prominent and understanding from

where you are, to where you're going, and it's always the space in between that we're the craziest because we're not there, we've left the station, but we haven't arrived at the destination.

When I do this, and I've given myself a lot of grace that it's okay, I'm perfect right where I'm at, I'm doing everything I need to do, and it's just good. But it's also when I do that quiet stuff is when the messages come in, when I'm seeing a bigger picture, when I'm understanding that I'm really navigating with spirit on a lot of things.

And you may not want to think that's what's happening with you, but you are because it's in the quiet times. It's when we rest, when we hear. And that's one thing I tell people a lot. you have to, first of all, accept your emotions. Don't judge them. They're just an emotion. All they are is a filtration system of where you are. What you're doing up here is what you got to get control of. Because a lot of us don't even understand if you're feeling frustrated. You don't even know what that word means.

You feel it, but you don't have a language to it. When you start slowing down and you pay attention to, well, this second I was feeling good and this second I'm not feeling so good, what happened in between? Because it's in the in-between. So you reflect. And that's the one thing a lot of people don't want to do is reflect on their life or reflect on, you know, all of a sudden I'm just a victim to be in the Tasmanian devil. No, the Tasmanian devil arrived for a reason.

And we don't want to take responsibility because it's easier to play victim than it is to take responsibility for your thoughts, words, actions, and deeds.

But then you never grow and evolve and then you wonder why your life sucks. Well, your life sucks because of what you're thinking up here. I can talk about this because I frigging walked up my entire life. Even though I'm trying to find what's going on that I don't know what's going on up here, because in those days we didn't have the language that we have today. We didn't have enough people sitting there saying, you need to stop, you need to be quiet, you need to be still.

When people say meditation's a big deal, it is a big deal because you know what? That's how I learned to stop a lot of mind chatter. Now it didn't stop the self-negative talk, but it did get my mind quiet enough that I could understand like, this is what peace feels like. This is what tranquility feels like. Okay, I'm agitated. Why am I? Well, somebody had to tell me when I was doing, I stopped meditating for a while and they said, are you feeling agitated and everything's going chaotic and you want to pull your hair out? And I said, yeah, it's because you stopped meditating.

And it was like, was somebody showed me when I stopped doing something, what happened naturally. I naturally went back into my old ways because this head trash hadn't been addressed yet. Now I'm 20 frigging years old, okay? So what the hell did I know at 20 years old any more than what a 20 year old thinks they know at this time? We think we know everything and we know nothing.

And I did, I really thought I did. And then I remember when I realized that I really didn't know anything when I had that epiphany, thank God that was the most freeing thing in the world for me was to not have to finally realize I didn't know everything. That it took such a burden off my shoulders just to do that, that I was able to start embracing me a little bit more. But again, there's still so much more stuff that we go on in our head. And this light that's hitting the planet at this moment as we speak,

in this new vibrational energy that we are in in 2026 and with the new Chinese New Year hitting, I'm telling you folks, I know you're going crazy, because if I'm going crazy, I know you got to be really off the charts and craziness because it's in that, because I'm transmuting, I'm an empath and I feel all of this. So I have to sit back and just be like, okay,

Protect yourself more. What do you have to do? And I'm hiding in my house pretty much. I do go out in the world, but by the time I get home, I'm cranky because my metabolism can't handle being out there with only drinking shakes for all day long. And you go out in the world to go shopping, to read, to do the refrigerator thing, and it's almost too much. And even Sal says the same thing, because he's on it with me and he goes out for three hours. By the time he comes home, he's a cranky. He's cranky.

because he's hungry, because he expended more energy than he can handle. You know, there's something to be said about taking it easy during a detox.

But that's just one layer. mean, this is a whole new level of the body communicating. Now, I always said that the body does talk to us and it does talk to us. We don't listen to it or we don't understand the language of the body. So I'm understanding more the language of this body. Now, I also notice with this process that I'm in at the moment is

Thinking I knew or understood certain way the body functions, ⁓ my God, I had no idea. I have learned on a level that I've never seen before about the body and why we want this body healthy. Because if it's not healthy, we're not healthy. We get lost, we get confused. The toxins that are in our bodies are running the show for us instead of us running the show.

I'm telling you, this is like a mind blowing experience for me on a level I never ever expected. I've done detoxes in the past. I have never done one like this. But what I've noticed is as I'm clearing out the fogs leaving more, everyone says I'm losing weight. I don't see it. don't, I'm not registering it on this.

On the scale, I'm not registering it when I do my measurements, anything like that, but people are saying that I'm losing weight. I've had people say that you sound better, all this kind of stuff. So it's, you know, of course we're always the last to see it. But the whole thing is, that understanding that the detox system, the lymphatic system that we're getting ready to embark upon, all of a sudden I'm having trouble with this ear. Yesterday, I mean, you should have seen the garbage that came out of my ear.

because I think and I can't hear well enough and earwax is also a way to protect toxins and parasites and bugs to get into our brain. Did you know that? I didn't know that. So that was interesting. So I thought, you know, this ear is acting up. I'm going to clean it out. And yesterday it took two days for it to come out and it was gross. It was totally gross what was in my ear. This one never has a problem. And for some reason I can't get this one cleared out. So maybe another day or two.

So I feel like I've got that airplane feeling here that I can't get my ear to pop. It's all okay because I realize that I'm getting rid of garbage in my body and the lymphatic system hasn't started the drainage yet because that starts on Friday. We've just been working on getting the gut healed, getting the liver healed so that the lymphatic can dump into.

the liver so it can flush out. mean, talk about understanding how your body works, mind blowing. And it still stays the same that even though I was a high achieving woman, if I'm eating bad, I'm not resting, I'm not taking care of myself. With this detox, I'm seeing other reasons why just because my body didn't feel safe, there were other reasons because my body wasn't safe.

Because if you're eating Coke and chips and burgers and fries and everything that we're not supposed to eat that we all love to eat, know, the sugars and all of that salt, it doesn't matter. Those things are having an impact on your body as well. And I don't think I understood that to the degree that I do now. So taking a step back and managing this,

is like bringing a whole new level of safety, first of all, to my thinking, to my body, to my understanding, taking grace to a whole different level makes a big difference. Because I always noticed back in the old days if I would eat on the fly, which is really bad for you, and even though I always knew that, I still ate on the fly, because I was always go, go, go, go, go. And in the going is you...

just shove anything down your face. You're not enjoying your food. You're not allowing the body to have that moment of rest and relaxation and enjoyment because having a meal is supposed to be an event. You know, like how we have Thanksgiving. We used to have those events when I was a kid because we had eight at the table at dinner. And there are times when I don't feel like eating at the table, but Sal is really good about eating at the table. So

It really is kind of cool because we're really trying to like slow everything down to where we're feeling safe, our body's feeling safe, to where we can keep moving forward.

And shifting out of that what I was living and how I was living was normal because that wasn't normal. What's normal was when I was growing up, where I was outside, I would play, I was having fun with my friends. We would eat, we would go to bed at a certain time and get up and go to school. That was a balance that as an adult, I don't think any of us follow. And I don't know what the younger generations are going through right now with this type of

rearing, it was what I had.

but we didn't know and there's nothing wrong with you and I just really want you to know that there's nothing wrong with you. There never has been anything wrong with you. It's what our society has taught us or what we've learned or what we've observed and somewhere we forgot us in the middle. And this is the time to come back to us. And your body is only operating from learned patterns. So this whole detox, why it's such a deal for me,

It's because I'm undoing what I have done to my body for years. And even though I ate well, I ate organically, I ate healthy, I watched my sugar intake, salt intake, don't drink a whole lot of soda once in a blue moon, because in my opinion, moderation is fine. It didn't matter. I'm having to re-change everything. And I told Sally, I said, if I never eat another meal and I can have these shakes all the time, I'm fine with that.

once I get used to it, because I'm not even really missing chewing. What I really like is I don't have to think about what am I going to have for dinner now? Because I'm so over that question. And some of the things that I want to have for dinner, I can't have yet. It's all okay, because now we're off a shellfish. So I can have fish and chicken, and I can have bison and all this organic stuff, but no shellfish. And I'm like, okay. So, this is so much fun.

I'm telling you it's so much fun at times, but I'm feeling better. And I know that there's a lot of inflammation in my body and the inflammation has probably come from wheat, corn and dairy. Not that I eat a lot of wheat or corn, but I definitely like the dairy. I love my cheeses, but that's what we're doing.

So even though calm is uncomfortable, it doesn't mean that you're broken. It's just that the system hasn't fully learned how to trust it yet.

And this is a very powerful place because our body wants to support us. Our body wants to accomplish the things you want to accomplish. But what we do to the body is we push and push and push and push. And we forget that somewhere we have to play, we have to rest, we have to eat properly, and we have to just stop. Whatever that is.

You know, we go on vacation and sometimes you just feel worse when you come back because by the time you start to relax, you have to come back to the work and now you have to retrain your body again. That is not how this was supposed to work, but that's what we've done to ourselves. I was the same way. I used to hate to go on vacation and if I went, I could handle 10 days without a problem. You put me into 14 days or anything longer, I would start pulling my hair out because I was crazy. Like I gave myself permission to stop for 10 days.

If I didn't stop for 10 days, it was like I was able to still maintain that I could come back and not feel like I was missing something at work. But those extra four days was so hard on me, and yet it was the best thing I could have done for myself. But I didn't understand that yet. I didn't understand that my compulsion constantly was pushing me.

to feel safe and the only way to feel safe was to be in control of my life, which meant control of everything that I was doing and not listening to anybody.

So.

Being in alignment with you, and I know I talk about this a lot too, but it really is, I mean, who are you? What do you think? What do you believe in? What are your core values? Those are the things that when you tie back into those core values, that there's a lot of messages inside of that of how you operate, how you show up in the world. And for the longest time, I figured my core values in business were two different things, whether or not they're the same thing. I just didn't realize that until...

what the last couple of years that if I operated who I was in business that I would probably get further along than I was. But I didn't understand that yet because the way I observed business was dog eat dog. You got to, you know, step on somebody to get ahead. And I didn't believe in any of that philosophy. And, and even if I tried to mimic other people, it was uncomfortable because it didn't feel like me.

And I know we do that. We compare ourselves a lot to other people and you know, we don't know what the other person's life is because I promise you not one of you would ever want to be in my shoes for five minutes. I don't care what my life looks like. And I've had a lot of people wish they were me and it's like, no, actually you really truly don't. Because what goes on up here is not fun.

So one of the ways that you can really start getting a handle is just have micro moments of stillness. I mean, just stop and breathe. So if you're like, and I know for some people, not mothers, but usually the bathroom is the quiet time where most people can take their showers and be quiet or go to the bathroom and be quiet. I know if you've got little kids, there's no such thing as any of that.

but it's in those quiet moments where you get up, maybe you get up 15 minutes or a half an hour early before everyone else and make the coffee and just be with you and write and journal or just sit and be and just slowly wake up of what would you like your day to be like? Because I remember when I finally, because I used to get up and I was going. I mean, it was like the computer was on and I'm ready to go to work. And I was told when I was in a mastermind,

turn off the computer and just wake up and have coffee and do nothing. And I met that with the worst opposition. mean, every single one of us told each other to do something that was hit us into the core of our being. Best advice I ever received was to stop moving the moment I walked out, woke up. And I found peacefulness in that. And that was the beginning of me starting to slow down, to start.

helping my nervous system to calm down. Not that I understood any of it yet, but it was the beginning of, I don't have to start the second I wake up. And it was such a relief because I felt like I started reconnecting with myself.

Nap time, I know people that can take naps. cannot take naps. It makes me crazy, but I've had taken naps before and I'm gone for the count, but then I usually feel like I can't sleep at night if I take a nap unless I'm really exhausted. So I learned how to start taking micro doses of rest. So when I was working in the world, I would go to lunch and I would just go to a park or sit at the mall because in Boulder, I was working in Boulder and they have the 16th street mall or whatever it is. Denver did the same thing.

And I would just go on there and just sit and just watch people. I mean, that was a great way to calm or I'd go to the malls when we still had malls, indoor malls, and I would just want people watch. Those were small micro moments of reconnecting with myself. I didn't understand yet, but it just felt good to stop and observe and watch. And you can make so much fun because the creativity starts going of like, I wonder where they're going. I wonder what they're doing. And you start kind of playing.

Again, like a little kid, you're playing because didn't I do that a lot when I was a little kid? Oh yeah, we go on a road trip and it's like, I wonder where they're going and look at the different license plates and we just made a game out of everything. And it started to bring back more fun because fun became a thing of the past for me. mean, fun is like, I'm learning how to do fun right now and I tell you, I'm struggling. I'll admit it, I'm still learning how to be happy, how to be happy. I've done things to...

to show it, but that didn't mean it stuck. But know, Sal's here teaching me. I'm teaching him how to be more responsible and getting what he wants in his life. And he's teaching me how to be happy. We're a perfect balance for each other. And even though we struggle on this and we growl, not at each other, but we will stay separated from each other when we're both in it. And we're always in it at the same time. It's amazing watching this detox with us. But it's also bringing us closer together because we're having more fun.

And that's the point is that even though it might suck, he's lost what 14 pounds already? And I'm just like, I hate you, not really. But you know, it's like, and I've lost nothing. And it doesn't matter. mean, it's just how our bodies are. It just is a perfect example of things are still happening on the inside. I'm not seeing it on the outside yet. He's losing weight. His metabolism is different than mine. You you learn to just accept that.

and we're just starting to have more fun with it.

And because of this detox, it also forces me to just ease into it. So yes, I spend a lot of time, I get a lot done, and then my brain shuts down because there's a point where my brain has to shut down as an overachiever. Excuse me, the brain has to stop moving because I can't take any more in. I can't think about it. I don't care what my to-do list looks like. I'm in the middle of a couple of projects.

and I'm starting a new one, but see what I'm doing is working on my YouTube channel and getting it and really understanding what needs to be done because everything is there. It's just, I'm still off somewhere. And I figured part of it's this, part of it's I don't know, and I keep learning. So I'm working on what's in front of me at the moment that I think is the most important, not what everybody else thinks is important, because how many times do we think everybody else's needs are better than...

are more important than our own. When you stop and start looking at what your needs are doing that for us, you're also creating that space for safety for you.

And then it's going to, it'll also be by doing that, it reduces your need for force relaxation because when you start honoring your needs, like, I'm just going to go take a bubble bath just because. And I think I'll bring in some music and some candles and a glass of wine and be with you.

I can't tell you how many times I've done that where it's like, you know, I walk in there and I'm like almost feeling guilty that I'm doing something nice for myself. And then you get in there and you're just kind of like, wow, this feels so good to just like spend time with me in something that I enjoy doing.

We don't do this. mean, there's all these things about getting these really cool bathtubs and then nobody uses them. They collect dust. Now I have this really cool soaker tub here and I haven't been in it because you know, I can't tell you, it's like a mini swimming pool. But I decided to use it one day to do this healing work and my God, it is like the best tub ever. It's like perfect for how you need to sit. There's enough water so you're not.

feeling like part of you and you have to go under and your feet come up. No, this doesn't do that. It's got an armrest for you. The water stays hot so you're not putting more hot water on. And who knew? Now, have I taken more baths? No. Will I? hell yeah. I will. But it was like that, it was just that moment of like, well, now I think I need to get out. And it was like, no, I think I'm going to stay in here just a little while longer.

Because usually you get out of the tub about as fast as you get in because the water gets cold and you get tired of putting the hot back on. But that wasn't this. So every time I'm thinking, well, that water should be getting cold. And it's like the water is not cold. So I'm staying in it. And that's what I did. And it was just such a cool experience. And, you know, so that's what I think of doing now, too, is just what is this going to make me happy? What makes me feel good? You know,

I want to get rid of all the rock around my house. And I spent last fall doing it. And it was like in my mind in the beginning was hot. It was a chore, it was a pain in the butt. But in the fall, when the weather wasn't so hot, I got into a zone. Oh my God. It was like, I love this because it was like a Zen moment. And people are like, my neighbors had come up. It's like, this looks really good. I said, oh yeah, I'm going have all these flowers. I'm going to do this and blah, blah. And they're just loving it.

And I said, like, how are you doing this? He said, I've just gotten his own. And so now I know when to do this and what it's going to take to do it. And it is there's something about in the fall and playing with me for the dirt, playing with the earth and getting rid of the rock that I hate so much so I could do something different. you know, those are things, those are the little things that we think are chores. And then we make it into something that's more for us in our Zen moment.

And then

So just try to calm down, because I know that there's times when we feel chaotic, we watch something on the news, something we trigger, something we see an accident, something can trigger us. And in those moments when you're in a peaceful state and all of a sudden you're triggered, just breathe. Just breathe in through your mouth, hold, and exhale.

because that starts bringing the homeostasis back in your mind. It calms the mind down. You get back into a state of relaxation and it's gonna take a couple of breaths, sometimes five, sometimes 10, depending on what's going on, what's happening inside your nervous system. But take those moments to where you take that time and you just breathe.

to calm yourself down, because I've done that before where I'm losing it, all of a sudden I don't know what happened and I start breathing, I stop, I scream at myself in my head to stop and breathe and then it's like, okay, I'm calm again. Because you need to break those patterns. We're habitual creatures and it's breaking a pattern and we're so used to being in that adrenaline rush, but I don't want to be in an adrenaline rush because it kills us. Our bodies can't handle that, especially as we start aging.

So just do that for yourself.

So I want to end with a question. Do you actually struggle with stress or do you struggle with stillness?

And when life gets quiet, what happens on the inside of you?

So you're not bad at relaxing. Your body just learned to do something else. And I'm inviting you to get the seven step guilt-free protocol, which helps you to learn how to stop and rest. And it's inside the community. It's absolutely free to you. If you really want to start taking control of your life, I highly recommend getting this protocol. The link will be in

the description of where to get the protocol. It's a real simple, easy thing to do. It has a lot to do with what I talked about today. It's about you stopping, reflecting, like the questions I just asked you, and do that. And if you wanna keep getting more of this type of information, then please like and subscribe to the channel. And if this finds value for anyone in your life that you think needs this,

then feel free to give them the link and offer them the opportunity so they can take control. Because as each one of us heal, the planet heals as well. I wanna thank you for joining me today. I really do appreciate your time because I know how valuable time is. And from my heart to yours, I hope you have a fabulous week and we will see you next Tuesday at 4 p.m. Eastern Standard.