The Truth Your Heart Knows (But You Keep Ignoring)
In this deeply honest episode, Kathleen Flanagan explores the hidden cost of pretending to be “fine” while silently falling apart inside. She shares the raw truth of her own experience—showing up strong during her divorce while privately breaking down—and reveals how emotional suppression affects the body, mind, and spirit in ways most people never realize. From chronic stress and anxiety to physical pain and spiritual disconnection, Kathleen explains why masking your true feelings slowly erodes your health and blocks the support and connection you desperately need.
This episode offers both clarity and comfort, reminding you that authenticity is not weakness—it’s the path home to yourself. Kathleen guides you to recognize where you’ve been holding your breath in your own life, why your body may be signaling the truth you avoid, and how reconnecting with your inner world begins with one small act of honesty.
The message is simple and powerful:
You don’t have to carry everything alone anymore. The moment you stop pretending, healing begins.
In this powerful and vulnerable episode, Kathleen dives into the hidden toll of pretending you’re “fine” while silently falling apart inside. Drawing from her own lived experience during one of the darkest seasons of her life, she reveals how emotional suppression impacts the body, mind, and spirit—and why authenticity is not only healing, but essential.
If you’ve been carrying the world on your shoulders, keeping your pain to yourself, or struggling to show up while breaking inside, this conversation will land deeply. Kathleen explores the emotional, physical, and energetic consequences of wearing a mask, and invites you to reconnect with the truth you’ve been avoiding.
This episode is for the woman who looks strong but feels exhausted… the woman who keeps everyone else together while she’s unraveling… the woman who whispers “I’m fine” even when she’s not.
What You’ll Learn
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The dangerous cost of emotional suppression—including the surprising research linking repressed emotions to increased health risks.
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Why pretending to be okay disconnects you from your authentic self, your intuition, your support system, and your spiritual guidance.
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How your body keeps score when you don’t express what you truly feel—through pain, tension, illness, fatigue, and shutdown.
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Kathleen’s personal story of navigating divorce while wearing a mask of strength and what it taught her about vulnerability and healing.
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How childhood patterns and “looking good programs” shape your adult emotional responses.
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Why authenticity is the gateway to reconnection, self-love, and moving forward in your awakening journey.
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A simple reflection prompt to help you identify where you may still be holding your breath or hiding your truth.
Key Quotes
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“Every time you say ‘I’m fine’ when you’re not, you push connection, healing, and support farther out of reach.”
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“Your body will always tell the truth your mind is trying to hide.”
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“The moment you take off the mask—even a little—the light begins to get in.”
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“Strength isn’t pretending. Strength is honesty.”
Who This Episode Is For
This message is for women who:
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Appear strong, composed, and capable but feel empty or overwhelmed inside
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Have spent years hiding their emotional pain behind a polished exterior
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Are going through divorce, grief, life transitions, or spiritual awakening
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Feel disconnected from themselves and crave truth, relief, and support
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Are ready to take the first step toward emotional authenticity and inner healing
Call to Action
If this episode resonated with you, please:
✨ Subscribe to Journey of an Awakening Spirit
✨ Share this episode with someone who’s been pretending they’re okay
✨ Download the Light Activation Guide to begin your deeper healing
✨ Leave a comment about your biggest takeaway or the mask you’re ready to release
📥 Download your FREE Activation of Light Guide to begin your journey: https://bit.ly/KMFguide
📞 Book a 15-minute clarity call: https://calendly.com/kathleenflanagan/intro-call
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Dancing Souls The Call - https://amzn.to/3EPbOio
Dancing Souls The Dark Night of the Soul - https://bit.ly/3LwFy7z
Dancing Souls: Awakened - https://amzn.to/41V2p3H
https://www.awakeningspirit.com
https://www.grandmasnaturalremedies.net
De-Stress Meditation https://pages.kathleenmflanagan.com/destress
kmf@kathleenmflanagan.com
www.kathleenmflanagan.com
www.youtube.com/@KathleenMFlanagan
Dancing Souls Book One - The Call
Dancing Souls Book Two - The Dark Night of the Soul
Dancing Souls Book Three - Awakened
www.awakeningspirit.com
www.grandmasnaturalremedies.net
De-Stress Meditation
kmf@kathleenmflanagan.com
Kathleen Flanagan (00:03)
Here's what happens when you fake being fine for years during emotional struggles. Imagine putting on a mask each morning, convincing everyone you're thriving while inside you're barely surviving. That brave face might seem like strength, but your body keeps score in ways you'd never expect. Research shows people who regularly bottle up feelings have a 30 % higher chance of early death from any cause. Not only that, but...
Pressing those negative emotions is connected to a shocking 70 % increased risk of developing cancer. Your mental health takes a massive hit too. Those who habitually hide their true feelings face double the risk of depression and anxiety disorders. The weight of pretending becomes heavier than the emotions you're trying to conceal. Every fake smile
and I'm fine keeps a gap between your authentic self and the person you show to the world. This disconnection doesn't just hurt emotionally, but physically destroys your body from the inside out. The most painful cost isn't even what happens to you, but what you lose access to. Genuine connection with others become impossible when you're living behind a wall of pretend okay.
Hello everyone, this is Kathleen Flanagan with the journey of the awakening spirit and I am your host.
So basically what I'm saying today on you're holding everything together is costing you everything.
You want to acknowledge you have strength. You just don't think that you have it, it gently reveals what it's gonna cost you.
Reading the opener, I know what this was like and I remember this was during my divorce. I was, ⁓ I did, I was falling apart. I was just being destroyed from the inside out. I never believed in divorce and I ended up getting divorced. And during that whole period of time, I had to show up every day for work.
I had to put a smile on my face. I had to act like everything was okay. And I put on one hell of a mask. I was pretty impressed with myself actually and how good I thought I did. And inside I was dying. I was literally dying on the inside. I was such a mask. I remember thinking, know, somebody had mentioned that divorce is like a death except for they're still alive. And it was like, my God, that's what it felt like. I was...
I just remember, I just kept saying, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. And I was anything but fine. I'd get home and I would just cry and cry and cry. I didn't know who to talk to because my ex-husband managed to get everybody turned against me that I was the crazy lady. He was handling it. He cheated on me, but that was okay. For some reason, that was okay to the world, but it was not okay if I was upset about it.
And I just remember thinking, is wrong with these people? Because it's not okay. And it never was okay. Especially when I gave him permission that if he wanted to have an affair, let me know and I will walk out the door. And he couldn't do that because he was a little boy. So if he's watching this, don't care.
And I just remember, I just felt so isolated the whole time. I was just so incredibly isolated. I didn't know who to talk to. I didn't even know what I wanted to say to anyone because I was crazy is how I felt. I was totally stressed out. I barely slept. I was barely eating. I was running a hundred miles an hour in 10 different directions. And I just remember
I was doing everything in my power not to be so angry and resentful and yet I was because see, I knew every step that was gonna happen. Spirit let me know everything that was gonna happen in this divorce and they made a promise I wouldn't change anything.
So when I did this, I just remember feeling like, wow, if I change anything or if I maneuvered it or manipulated it, I wouldn't be where I am today. And thank God I didn't, but it was so hard. And there was a part of me that when people say, I just wanna know, I just wanna know, I just wanna know, and no, you don't. You truly don't. Because if you know, then you're gonna manipulate your circumstances.
and it's not okay because what if your pain in your heart is stronger than what you're feeling right now? So trust me, you don't wanna know. And then.
I always talked about how I was, I am the rock of Gibraltar. I say that over and over and over again, I'm the rock of Gibraltar. And if I'm falling, that means anybody who's hanging on to me is falling with me, but they're drowning. And I just want to let you know that I learned that from my mother. I really truly learned that from my mother.
because I would watch her in a crisis situation and she'd be laughing and going on and thinking everything was okay when you could see that she was falling apart so deeply on the inside.
And it just really bothered me because I didn't want people and she didn't want anybody to see that she was falling down. I think that was the main thing. I think she was such a mess on the inside on so many levels that if she fell down that she would think so little of herself at that point. And I think I felt the same way about myself because I knew I could get through it. I knew that much about myself that I could get through this and I'll be OK. But it was just that
feeling so vulnerable. And it was a dangerous place to be too because I really did need help. I really needed to talk to somebody and I just didn't know how to handle it. So I put on the face and everything was fine and I could handle it because there was also that element of I didn't want to disappoint others. I wanted to be like my looking good program was so important to me.
And I still look at that and I don't always wear the looking good program anymore, thank God. I become more authentic as I aged, I got better at it and realized that this is just easier to do this. And I don't take it out on the cat or my partner or anything else. I take it out on the person who might cause whatever the distress might be.
I was also afraid that I would be misunderstood or I would be judged because people are so judgmental. They just think they have a clue of what's going on with you, but they don't. They really, truly don't. They either build their ego up off of you or they kick you when you're down. But that was the main thing is I just didn't want to feel like I was being judged.
Nobody could understand the pain that I was in. I mean, when you go through a divorce, I think you do, but there was just something that I just loved this man so deeply and I just didn't know if I could live without him. That was my biggest fear and I had to face that.
And I remember always being told, I'm a crybaby because I cried at everything. And there's nothing wrong with your emotions. I think that's a gift personally, that I could cry at anything. I could cry at a happy movie. could cry if something made me sad. And I believe that. But everybody made it sound like that I was a little weakling and I was anything but weak. I was just being who I was. So these programs, these things that our society has put on,
us with emotions is really not right. It's almost like they want us to be robots. And with AI technology coming out, I think we're slowly going to turn into robots. I doubt it, but you know, I just think sometimes like that because AI is artificial, okay? We're not, we're human, we have feelings, we have emotions, we need connection with other people.
So you want to practice being authentic and that means what you're feeling, express it. Don't blame it on somebody else, don't judge anybody else, don't attack anyone. Say this is how I'm feeling. Put it back on you because I guarantee you that when you're feeling that way or you say something, it triggers somebody else. And I see this over and over and over in my life all the time and I'm just as guilty of doing it too.
Somebody could say something and it's triggered because they're not prefacing it by saying, is how I'm feeling. This isn't about you, this is about me. And I think when we talk like that, it takes pressure off of somebody, it takes their programs from coming up and torturing you, but you wanna make sure that you're becoming who you are.
So you always wanna make sure that you're taking off your mask because we all wear them. I still wear my mask. I know I do. I take it off every time I realize I put it on, but right now I'm not. mean, I'm having sciatic issues for whatever reason and who knows, maybe this is part of what I've done over the years that it just has that. And it's just been in the last couple of days, so I'm not understanding it. And I just...
went to get up this morning and I had a cup of coffee in my hand and I asked Sal, said, can you please take the coffee so I can get up? It was like my body froze up and it freaked me out. And he was just so kind and giving. And I just realized that, you sometimes, cause I still want to be this independent person and he's teaching me how to stretch out the sciatica nerve. And he says, probably, it's probably pinched right now. And so I've been doing all the things that I'm supposed to do to get this and.
Laying down all the time is not fun, so I'm sitting and I should probably gonna have trouble getting up when I do that, but that's okay. Excuse me. So you wanna ask, where are you holding your breath in your own life? Excuse me.
Because when you're holding your breath, when your shoulders are up and you're feeling like this on the inside, that means you're not being yourself. You're protecting yourself from something. And you wanna make sure that you're not doing that. And it's okay if you do because every night I'm asking, okay, what's this about? I don't feel like I'm afraid to move forward because Louise Hayes says, you know, this is about moving forward and the fear of moving forward. And I know 2026 is gonna be.
⁓ a totally different type of experience of a year. I don't think I'm afraid of it, but maybe my body is sensing something I'm not, but I don't feel that. So I'm saying affirmations to myself of, I am looking forward to coming into 2026. I am fine. Everything is good. I'm moving forward with ease and grace. Things like that. Of just trying to get yourself to realize that it's okay.
It's okay. I mean, I've told people, said, I thought this had to do with my roof issue because I was having problems with my insurance company. And I finally got that resolved and the pain went away for about two days. And then it came back. I'm like, okay, we're back again. But I'm stretching it out. I'm doing things. I'm getting a lot done. It's amazing how much I get done when I don't think I'm going to get anything done, but it's all that icky tedious work. What I struggle with is sitting.
So I'm not doing that so much. I mean, I acknowledge where I'm at. I'm asking for help. I'm not acting like, I'm okay and I can do this and I don't need your help or support when I do. I mean, I walk around, sometimes I feel like I walk around like some of these old men that are all bent over. That's how I feel because of the lower back is also very tight. So I've been working on opening it up.
I don't think there's anything more going on with it. I just think that it's just a matter of there's something going on because the last time I had sciatic, it was during my divorce and it was 20, was, we were going into 2000 and we didn't know if everything was going to work on the computers because everything was 19 this and that.
and they didn't know if they were going to get it. That's why it was called the Y2K and there was all this stuff of what if the computers go down and blah, blah. Now I wasn't afraid of any of that. That didn't bother me. Maybe somewhere in my consciousness it was, but I was moving forward without my husband and I didn't know if I could do that. And I don't know why I thought that, but I did. And I think it was because I just loved him so much that I felt that way. And so,
I couldn't walk. mean, literally, I could not walk. And I finally had my mother take me to the hospital and they could not understand what was wrong with me. And I'm like, well, I do. I know exactly what's wrong with me, but you wouldn't believe me. You think I was a crazy lady saying it. And they put me on these horse pills and I was up for one hour a day. So it was like, I got up, I ate something, I went to the bathroom and I went straight back to bed because they said,
that with the sciatica you've got to release and when your muscles are like this tight, you can't release when you're in this much pain and your muscles are this tight. So they gave me this horse pill. Don't know what it was, never got high. All I know is it knocked me out. I mean, I was knocked out. I'd get up and that wall would be holding me up because I couldn't walk. I mean, I was literally using the wall to stay up. So I would get up.
I would eat something, say hello to my mother, and I would go right back to bed and I'd be out for another 23 hours. And every day I'm still using the wall, but I'm slowly getting taller. I'm not as crunched over as I was, but slowly getting taller. And after seven days, I was fine. There was nothing wrong with me. It was the weirdest thing.
And so I'm just thinking, well, maybe this is it because maybe something big is getting ready to come for me and my spirit knows it, my body knows it. I just don't know it in my mind. And so I'm just like, it's okay. I need to stop. I'm asking spirit, what's this about? Not getting any answers right now. So I'm like, okay, I know sometimes they make us live through this and we have to wait and figure it out. So it's like, okay, whatever, whatever. I'll do whatever. I'm not going to worry about it.
I don't think there's anything seriously wrong with me because I was actually did some exercises, took a hot shower, laid around, did some work. And, you know, I'm feeling the pain in my left hip right now a little bit. I think I can get up without a problem. So what I do when I get off the show, I'm gonna sit here and I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to stretch it out again because I did that this morning. And it just felt great. I think it just helps to relieve it to get that.
stretch going. So maybe I just need to move more, maybe I just need to do something. I don't know, don't care. I'm dealing with it. I'm not always in pain, but sometimes it's just, whoa, it's a little intense, but I deal with it. And that's what I think when you take off the mask and you do that and people just are there and...
And I don't know, maybe there's a part that I thought I was going to be broke and not making money. Who knows what this is? It could be a gambit of things, of limiting beliefs that I still have that I keep working through that keep coming up. And it may just all be that of, I'm not going to have any money. And yet, what did I get? I got a $250 gift card today from my roofing company because they thought I was so awesome and easy to work with. I'm like,
Whoa, I did a lot of forgiveness around them because I was so upset with so many things and I just worked on forgiving them. And then I get a $250 gift card. I'm like, okay, that's a message from Spirit. Okay, you're fine. Money's coming. Don't worry about it. Everything is fine. And they tell me everything is fine. So that's why I just want to like reiterate that
When you're pretending that you're okay, you stop the flow of a lot of things. And I think that's another big part that I didn't realize is that I kept people at bay. I didn't want people around me because people hurt me. And I was living with that for a very long time. And now that I understand what happened and I've owned what that is and I've embraced what that is and I've done a lot of inner child work around.
all this stuff that I've done, I'm slowly coming around that it's okay. You know, I started all of this mainly in 2017 where spirits said it's time to come out. I'm like, oh, I don't think so. And yet here I am, I'm coming out, I'm showing up. I could be in distress, I could be crying. I've dealt with the death of my father. I've dealt with my mother. I've dealt with my books. I've dealt with a lot of things and I'm bringing
all of the rawness of who I am to the show. I know there's a lot of people that pretend everything's wonderful. Well, everything's not always wonderful. I'm positive.
I'll give you that. I'm positive. I'm hopeful.
I have people around me that are there for me.
Those are the things that matter. I have tools in my tool belt to help what's going on. Do you think I'm not working on energy work with my hip? I'm doing a lot of work on my hip right now and everything I'm doing, it's all slowly healing it. And I think this is, you know, this is the root chakra area. This is the grounding part. This is the part I didn't want to be in. And who knows what else I held because that's also your creative centers are down there.
This is the essence of who we are is coming into this place and maybe I'm learning how to ground all this higher frequency energy into the earth and it's got stuck.
because that's what I think. I think things are getting stuck. And so that means I just have to keep pushing the energy down. So I think I'm gonna try that because I just got that hit that this could be what this is. I don't know. Gonna give it a try. I'm willing to try anything because I don't limit myself to the 3D world. We're living in a higher vibrational frequency and sometimes this frequency
We just have to move the garbage out. mean, Sal was saying he's like, because my back is like all broken out and he's like, it's like you're just getting rid of crud out of your body. And I don't know what I'm doing for that to happen, but that's a good thing. I'd rather have it out of my body than in, because if it's out of my body, that doesn't mean I'm going to get sick or cancer or anything else. So I'm flushing things out.
I got a new pillow that I can actually use in sleep. I have actually been sleeping like eight hours a night now instead of four to six hours. So do you think I'm not feeling better? Maybe that's just part of all of that, that I'm going into a deeper healing because I'm finally sleeping through the night. And I wake up and I'm like refreshed and I feel good and I feel like I could do things. And then I have a sciatic that's going out. was like, okay, whatever.
but I'm letting the world know this is who I am, this is what's going on in my life. Lots of positive things are happening and changing and I'm excited about it. And then there's this body stuff that goes on. Well, you know what, this is part of who I am, body, mind, spirit. I'm working on being in alignment. So maybe my body's not completely in alignment and this is what it's supposed to do. know, hips are balanced moving forward, okay?
So, and this is left side, this is spiritual information coming in. So there must be something that I'm not doing right or I'm afraid of something that might be coming in that could be so huge for me and there's a part of me that's kind of getting this little inkling of, you know, maybe this is it. Maybe this is what I've been looking for, not the magic wand because it doesn't exist unfortunately, because I would have found it. And if I found it, I would have given it to you.
So I'm just being with it. It's the end of the year. And it's maybe I just need to stop and look at what I've done this year's and I've got a lot more done than I realized. I've got, I'm just about everything like this community that I'm developing. It's like I'm so close I could taste it. And it's almost like because I'm so close, it's like I can't.
move forward, but see what it is, it's getting all that detailed stuff together. I've got my programs in place. I've got everything ready to go. I'm just kind of cleaning, getting all the little micro details together so everything's working properly. And then I can get the community out there and start launching it. And don't think for five minutes, people, that I'm not terrified of starting a community. This is little Miss Invisible.
and visibility here. And I'm sitting here ready to start a community. But you know what? I am so excited about starting a community because I'm going to call it the I Am The Light Sanctuary. And this is for people who are just so desperately needing somebody to love them, to be with them, to help them navigate through challenging times that understands what it's like to be in hell and how to come back out.
and that will be my gift. That's what I want to do because I've walked every step of my journey and I have been fully conscious of every step of my journey. And I logged every step of my journey through this.
And that's a gift that I'm bringing to people who need to know that I know.
Because I can't find you, so you're gonna find me. And that's what this is about because I haven't been able to figure out where are my people. Well, you know what, I don't know where my people are. They're hiding like I am. So I'm just gonna put the place there and then they can come in on their own terms and do what they want on their own terms. And I'm okay with that. I have no issue with that. Because when they're ready, they're ready. And if they're not, they're not.
It's okay.
but I'm going to have things for every step of the way. And it's not fully built out yet, it's starting. I have the advanced stuff and I have some beginning stuff and some middle stuff, but maybe it's not all tied together, but there's enough there because it takes time to wake up and remember who you are. It takes time to navigate those feelings and face the demons. It takes time to get ready to be in alignment.
And if you're dealing with health issues, that's okay too, because there are ways to work through your health issues as you're getting into alignment. And that's the gift that I want to bring. That's what I'm doing is I'm showing up to the world in a way that I have never showed up in the world. And I'm okay with that because we are in a critical time right now. This is so critical of where we are.
And when I look at the internet and I look at what's going on, there's a lot of people out there that are saying a lot of the same things that I'm saying because it's time. The time is now. Decisions have to be made now. What side of the fence do you want to play on? We are a black and white society. There is no gray in our society anymore. So the question is, are you going down technology and robotics or are you coming back into connection and being a spiritual being that you are?
choice is yours.
So I just wanna thank you all for being here with me today. I really do appreciate you being here. I do have the light activation guide that is in the show notes. And this is a very simple process of just starting to make a little difference in your life, to change your life just a little bit because that one small tiny baby step will catapult you in a trajectory that you would never have known that could come.
and you start watching the magic come back into your life when you do just these few little steps of reconnecting with you. Because if you don't reconnect with yourself, you're never going to have the life that you want. You're never going to discover the magnificence of who you are. And that's what this light activation guide is. It just starts a very simple, easy process for you to move to that next level.
So again, if you found value, please give the link to somebody that might need to hear this message. If this message is for you, I do have a link that if you want to have a 15 minute call with me just to get through something that's maybe not working for you, or you just need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.
So thank you so much again for joining me. I hope you all have a fabulous week and I will see all of you next Tuesday, 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time and from my heart to yours, I hope you have a fabulous week.
