The Secret Burden You’ve Been Carrying Alone — And the Healing Path Back to You

Kathleen Flanagan (00:02)
I want to begin today by inviting you to take a deep breath with me.

Let your shoulders drop. Let yourself arrive here fully because I believe you were meant to be here for this conversation. Let me ask you something. Have you ever felt like you're carrying something so heavy, but no one else can see it? On the other side, you look fine. You're holding it all together. People might even think you're strong, capable, and successful, but inside,

You feel the weight that's something you've really spoken out loud. I know that feeling. I've lived it and I call it the secret burden. It's the unhealed wound we never told anyone about. It's the shame we quietly carry. It's the grief that never had a place to go. It's the pressure of always being the strong one, even when you're falling apart on the inside.

And today we're going to talk about that secret burden and more importantly, the path of healing that can bring you back to yourself. Hello everyone and welcome to the journey of an awakening spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan and I am your host. So let's start by recognizing what that hidden burden actually looks like. For some of us, it shows up as always needing to put on a strong face no matter what. You smile,

You push through, you perform, and nobody knows what's happening behind the scenes. For others, it's the endless drive to achieve, to accomplish, and to prove to yourself. Yet no matter what you do, it never feels like it's enough. Sometimes it looks like relationships that are strained, not because you don't care, but because there are unspoken truths, old pain, or a wall you built

long ago just to survive. And often it shows up physically. The exhaustion you can't shake, the tension in your body, the restlessness at night when you're supposed to be sleeping, but your mind won't stop.

And why do we carry these burdens in silence? Because deep down, we fear what people will think of us if they saw the real us. We believe no one would understand, and maybe we were taught as children that our feelings didn't matter. Or maybe we've been in survival mode for so long that we don't even know how to set the weight down. But the truth is,

The longer we carry the secret burdens, the heavier they become. And without realizing it, they begin to shape our entire life.

Can you think of one area in your life where you've been carrying something alone?

I know for me, and I talked about this last week because I became a number one bestseller on the Infinite Impact Stories of Alignment. It's the story that changed my entire life. I did not know it then. I did not know what happened at that age. I knew something tragic had happened and I couldn't remember it. But that's where I knew that I was no longer safe. Nobody wanted to hear anything I had to say. And I...

wanted to die. I spent my entire life trying to find that and also walking with my suitcase in hand because I did not want to be on this planet. I did not want to be here. I wanted to go home more than anything else because I felt unsafe. I didn't like anyone, nobody liked me. I felt unlovable. I felt unworthy and I felt undeserving.

and I carried this weight for so long and I was so deathly afraid that if anyone ever saw the real me, they would just walk away and think I was pathetic because that's what I thought of myself. And it took time for me to finally face this. I needed to come to the place where I wanted to make that change. So let's be honest about the cost of carrying this weight.

in silence. Emotionally, it isolates us. You can be surrounded by people, even loved ones, and still feel alone. There's a quiet war inside between who you really are and the mask that you've been forced to wear. And I did, I put on the mask. I was accomplished, I was successful. People liked me, I was a great leader. I had everything on the outside except for I was dying.

on the inside. I was angry. I was holding myself together. I felt like if I wanted to control everything, because if I could control it, then I maybe I could change what I was feeling on the inside. That angst never left. And I never shared fully what I was feeling because I was so deathly afraid of what people would do and more importantly, what they would think. Spiritually, it disconnects us.

And when you're weighed down by shame, fear or unworthiness, it's hard to feel connected to spirit, your intuition or to joy. It's like there's a wall between you and the truth of who you really are. Even though I was completely connected to spirit for so many years of my life, there was a point where I walked away from them because I felt like they betrayed me as well. Like I wasn't all the questions I asked, everything I was looking for.

It was like they stepped back for me to find my own answers. Now that's not a bad thing. I just didn't like it. But it forced me to grow up and it forced me to be with what I had to be with, to come back. And there was no joy in my life. But when I took up ballroom dancing, the childlike person came back where I was having fun and I was dancing and I was expressing myself. And it made all the difference in the world to me.

that I was doing all of that. I needed to do that. And spirit loves when we play because when I started playing, that's when spirit came back with a vengeance and was talking to me nonstop. I was going crazy. But I loved it because it was something that I was doing and reconnecting with myself without even knowing what I was doing yet. And in life, it also keeps us stuck. We find ourselves repeating the same patterns

perfectionism, self-sabotage, overworking, or numbing, because we've never been taught another way. And here's the painful part. Many people live this way for decades thinking it's just the way life is, but it isn't. Nobody taught us self-care. Nobody taught us how to love ourselves. If anything, if we were doing anything for ourselves like that, we were told that we were selfish.

And yes, we need to be selfish with ourselves. We need to protect our bodies. We need to protect our minds, our emotions, our heart. And not in a way that people are coming to attack you, but to stop the negative stuff that people say or think or feel about you. And you need to stop that for yourself because you are not that person.

So I wanna take a pause for a moment here, and I want you to place your hand on your heart and take a slow breath.

and whisper to yourself, I don't have to carry this alone anymore.

Just saying those words begins to open the door to something new.

Now that we've named the burden and acknowledged its cost, let's talk about the path of healing, the path that leads you back home to yourself. I see this path unfolding in five steps. The first one is awareness. We can't heal what we don't acknowledge. Awareness is gently noticing the weight you've been carrying without judgment. And maybe you realize, yes, I've been holding on to this grief.

And yes, I've been pretending I'm okay when I'm not. Awareness is the first act of courage. And I remember when I decided to make that decision in 2008 that I just wanted to be a better person. I realized because I was out of my environment, I left Colorado for the year and I'm in this little 600 square foot apartment. I was all alone. I did know people there, but I was still alone.

and I had to face my demons and I knew that I did not like some of the things that I was seeing. I started to have some people that were supporting me, that seemed to like me, that respected me, and all of a sudden it was, maybe I should do something different, maybe I need to change. And that's when I decided I didn't want to be angry anymore.

I didn't know what that looked like. I didn't know what it meant. I just know that that angst and that heaviness that was always on the inside, I just wanted to let it go. I did not know what was coming. I really, truly didn't. And I think if I would have had any inkling, I probably wouldn't have done the work because it was so painful and it was so hard. And I'm so grateful that I did the work.

because that's where my freedom came from. But it took one simple decision. I wanted to be a better person. I finally owned the angst and I thought maybe I could get rid of it. The second step is permission. The permission is to stop pretending. Permission to feel what you feel. Permission to not have to have it all together.

And this is where you tell yourself it's safe to rest. It's safe to cry. And it's safe to be real. And I think when I was in that apartment in 2008 and nine, I was with myself. I journaled every single day. That's how the books came about. It was my daily life of what I was experiencing in that little apartment.

but I gave myself permission not to move. If I didn't need to move, I didn't. Everyone wanted me to go out of the house and every time I went out, I was so lost. my God, I was so lost. It scared me every single time. Cause I'm like, I don't know where I am. I had no point of reference. Everyone said, go where the airport is. I had no idea where the airport was. In Colorado, you had the mountains. You had an idea. If you could see the mountains, you could pretty well figure out where you were and get yourself out of where you were.

I couldn't do that in Illinois. I was so lost every time that it was easier to just stay in the apartment, then go out. And then the winter came. ⁓ my God, was it frigging cold. I didn't want to leave. It was so frigging cold. I forgot what Northeastern winters were like, because I'm from Ohio. my God, I couldn't get warm. So no.

It was just giving my permission to just be wherever I was and to feel whatever I was and to listen. And that's what you need to do is just give yourself permission. don't, nobody needs to give you permission. This is all about you doing it. Put everybody's words and stuff behind you and do what feels right for you. Then step three is connection. Healing doesn't happen in isolation.

It happens in safe spaces of connection. And that might be with spirit, it might be with a trusted friend, a coach, a community, or even within your own journaling practice. But you are not meant to walk this path alone. And like I said, I had friends out there and I would see them on weekends because, you know, in Illinois, just the work week was crazy on driving.

So I would spend time on the weekends with people and during the week I journaled. Even if I had people spending the time with me or I was with them, I always journaled every day. talked about what happened because it was so important and that was my reconnection with me. It was my reconnection with Spirit. And even my editor said, boy, I can tell every time Spirit comes in because I don't have to edit anything. And that was what...

And there was, there was so much information coming in because I stopped and I reconnected with me. And then step four is alignment. This is when you begin to listen to your soul's truth again. You notice what actually feels right and what brings peace and what nourishes you. You begin to align your choices with who you really are and not who you were told who you had to be.

And with me, with part of my alignment process was really reconnecting with my values. I needed to come back. ⁓ Even though I lived them, I don't think I ever demanded anything from people about honesty, integrity, empowering others, taking responsibility. And I had to do all those things for myself. And once I did that, I could start asking that of other people and making sure that those people

or connected with me in alignment because if we're out of alignment, there's no point in being together because we're out of alignment and it's never gonna work. And so that took a little bit more pressure off of me, but it also got me back to becoming truer to myself. And then the fifth step is integration. Healing isn't a one-time event. It's a practice of becoming back to yourself again and again. Celebrating progress, not perfection.

and remembering that every step you take is a victory. And that's why I did what I did last week on the show was that I was celebrating that I became a number one author again. And I celebrated that I did something that was so incredibly painful and hard. And I brought that back to myself. And I celebrated bringing forward that part of myself that I never wanted anyone to know.

because it was so painful. And now it's out in the world and I had no choice. mean, yes, I was all over the place emotionally, but you know what? I celebrated it because I did something different. And that makes, who knows what doors are gonna open because of that. And that's what I'm just waiting for whatever magic comes because magic always follows when you do something hard like that.

So along this path, small daily practices do make a big difference. Things like breath work or journaling, meditation or simple self-compassion rituals. And these aren't just practices, they're life lines back to your soul.

They really are. And I would never have known that if I hadn't lived this before I had the words. I just did it.

And here's the most beautiful part, the moment that you begin walking your path, you start to feel lighter. Not because everything is perfect, but because you finally set down the burdens you were never meant to carry alone.

And there's a lot of truth in that sentence.

So as we start coming to a close, I want to leave you with this truth. You don't have to keep carrying the secret burden that you've held in silence. Healing is possible, freedom is possible, and the path home to joy, to peace, to love is waiting for you. And what I found when I

started putting down my burdens and sharing what I needed to share and being real with what I was feeling and doing things differently every day, doing something. Even it was one tiny little itty bitty baby step. It was the thing that started changing the trajectory of my life. And the one thing that I realized last week is I don't think I ever knew what the word freedom meant, but I do now. When this book,

launched.

It was very emotional for me. I didn't even know this was coming. I had no idea. I figured it was like everything else with the books, like, okay, they're finally launched. I'm happy, celebrate, hoo hoo, kind of thing. But this was very emotional because the world saw me for who I am, the true essence. They could have judged me all they wanted and said I was a bitch.

and I was mean, angry, nasty, cold, distant, whatever they wanted to say, but they never knew the truth of me.

I don't judge people.

because I don't know what they've been through.

any more than anyone knew what I went through. People know what I've been through now. And if they have no compassion after reading my story, that's their problem. And I guarantee you, they will never come near me. And that's a good thing. Because I only want to attract the people that want to be seen. Even if that scares them to death. And I'm telling you, this has scared me to death. I cannot even remotely tell you.

how scared to death and terrified I've been with this book launching. But there's a freedom. Like I don't have to hide anymore. I don't have to pretend anymore. I don't have to put the mask on that everything's copestetic and fine when it's not. I have real people in my life now. And that means everything in the world to me.

I have people that understand me, that are walking this path with me, that are experiencing and going through a gambit of emotions and it's okay because we have each other's backs. Until you know what that feels like, these are just empty words and I understand that.

but it still could create a longing for you to say, want that. Because that's what I wanted. I wanted those words to be part of me. I wanted to understand that meaning and yes, I paid a dear price of dumping garbage so I can have it.

The hard work, I mean, I always say alignment and doing this work is not easy. It's not for the faint of heart, but you don't have to do it alone. I'm here, there's 12 other authors in the books, there's somebody out there that can help you.

but you have to be willing to take that first step. Because when you take that first step or you put your hand out for help, spirit is there, people are there. You will not walk this life alone. You will be asked to be committed to it, but you don't have to walk it alone.

So let's take one last moment together and place your hand on your heart and take in a breath.

and repeat after me, I am safe.

I am seen and I am coming back to being.

And that is the beginning of your healing.

I have the light activation guide that'll be in the show notes.

and it's something that you can use. It's a very simple, easy procedure, nothing challenging, just to start coming back and welcoming you back into your life.

So if you're ready to walk this path to go deeper into this journey, I want to invite you to take the next step with me. On KathleenMFlanagan.com, I do have a list of services and products that can help you. I have meditations. Nothing is over the, you know, it's all reasonably priced. Because I wanted this to be available for everyone. I didn't want money to be.

an issue for people that are wanting to find their way home. Because I know that when I was younger, I didn't have a lot of money and I couldn't travel the world and do a lot of the things that people were doing. So I had to find this by myself. And I wanted to make sure that when I created programs for people that I would be able to do that for them. That it's not so un-

It's over costly or anything. wanted it. It's and it's valuable. This is really valuable stuff. This is stuff that I did. I used for me and it worked for me. And that's why I want to give this back to you is because I don't think anyone should ever have to suffer in silence. And even if you want to stay. Invisible. Products are still there for you. And I highly suggest you take them along with you.

And I do want to let you know that my Soul Journey course will be coming out and also my community I hope to have up by October 1st. It's just been a very crazy year. Lots of things are in the works and I've been very, very busy over the summer. so I've got most 90 % of all of this is done. I just need the time to finish getting the work done. And of course the alignment guide is in the show notes and you can go to Kathleen Flanagan to get that as well.

So it's all about you not being alone, not feeling alone, and I see you. So you're healing.

is already unfolding and your true self is waiting with open arms and it's all up to you.

to take that first step and only you can take that first step and only you can do the work. And I encourage you to do it because what's on the other side will blow your mind away. You wouldn't think that it was possible for you because I know I never thought it was possible for me and yet here I am living it. And it was because I chose to do the work. And I'm here for you.

I want to thank all of you for being here today. I really do appreciate your time because I know how valuable time is. And I also want

to let you know that if this meant something to you, if you wanna be notified in the future of the shows, which are of course every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, feel free to subscribe to it because you get on my mailing list, you can know things that are coming up that are different, that are new. I'm planning on doing a lot more engagement now that I seem to be on the other side of a lot of things.

And if you found value in this, please like and subscribe to the show. And if you know of anyone who could get any value out of this, please, please, please send them the link. If nothing else, they don't have to do anything, just let them know that they're not alone. We stand better, we are better together always. And with the crazy world of AI, the connection is getting further and further from people.

And this is really important to that we start reconnecting with each other in ways that we've never really reconnected. So let's do that for each other. Let's support each other. Let's love each other and encourage each other. And let's make our world a better place for us and for our children. So again, thank you so much for being here. I will see all of you next Tuesday at 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And from my heart to yours.

I hope you have a fabulous week.