The Real Reason Rest Isn’t Fixing Your Exhaustion (And What Your Body Is Actually Doing)

Kathleen Flanagan (00:02)
Hello everyone and welcome to the journey of an awakening spirit. is Kathleen Flanagan and I'm your host and we.

I think that's it. Okay, so today I want to talk about the real reason that rest isn't fixing your exhaustion and what your body is actually doing. So two things, there's a big misunderstanding of the problem and it's what isn't working. And when rest isn't working, then that means there's something else going on with the body and the body's the body based explanation is what is your body actually doing?

So.

We're told that rest is the answer. And so what you do is you rest and then nothing changes.

And if rest isn't fixing your exhaustion, it's not because you're doing it wrong, this immediately removes the self-blame. But what's really happening with it is there's something underlying that's going on. And what I have found, and I'm sure a lot of you understand, and I know I've told it a couple of times, is I'm also doing a full-body declens. It's under doctor's care. It's all with natural...

herbal supplements and shakes and changing eating. And the main thing that's been changed is dairy has been removed. That's the main thing. I'm still can eat all the fruits and vegetables I want, but there are certain fruits and vegetables or it's not everything I can eat. And what I have found, and this is basically what I have found in the last year about really understanding my nervous system.

is I didn't realize that part of this go, go, go had to do with my own personal unworthiness and that it had to do with not facing trauma. And not that I wasn't trying to face trauma, I just didn't know I had trauma. And this is also from just a lifelong of going back and reflecting because I'm really been really watching this and paying attention to what's happening.

And when my father passed away last year is when there was a lot of things that I have observed in my body as far as feeling calmer, like my blood pressure's gone down, and it's not like I've done anything different. It's just that there's this angst that was always inside of what's next, what do I have to do? I can't stop, I can't rest. And even though I mastered not doing a lot, I mastered being still, I mastered being quiet.

there was still always that underlying current. There was a point that I was still like, you're not doing enough, you're not doing everything. I mean, they're just wasting your time because people that are making money don't do this. Well, that's not true because what I was doing is what people that are making money do. You have to get used to the mundane. And I think that was part of...

not really understanding that. Now I could sleep and then menopause comes up and that changes your whole body chemistry, it changes your mind, it changes your hormones, it changes everything under the sun. And I don't think that previous generations it's like, well you just deal with it. And this generation was a lot different. And I was talking to my hairstylist and we were...

going on about how menopause and our hormones change and we're producing more testosterone than estrogen and the women and the reason that we're all having issues as we get older after menopause is because we haven't had hormone replacement. And I'm going to say right now you do not wanna get on hormone replacement unless you're doing something naturally because every person that I knew that went on hormone replacement that went through menopause

Every single one of them got cervical cancer. Not good. Now it's a beautiful transition in a woman's life. It is. And I told myself that and it really was. I didn't have a lot of the problems that a lot of women did. I wasn't angry or upset. I wasn't sad about anything. I was just glad to be over it.

Yes, and I know I have tips and tricks and how to deal with certain things with hot flashes and that kind of thing, but sleep was one that eluded. And it also took probably close to 10 years before I could feel cold again because everything changes. So.

With all of that, I was still running and fighting and looking over my shoulder. And again, like I said, I did not know that until my father died. And I was trained to be in survival. I mean, that is what I learned to do to stay where I was. I tried to find worthiness by doing all this stuff on the outside. I wasn't doing anything on the inside. I wasn't facing anything. I wasn't looking. And part of it, I wasn't able to.

And I get that and I understand that you're gonna know it when it's time to know it. But it didn't mean I didn't stop looking, but it also at the same time, I still shame myself, I still belittled myself, I still thought I had no value. I thought a lot of things and so what I did is pushed myself through in other ways. And that didn't serve me.

in the healing process, it was just something that just totally didn't work.

So.

I think when I started to realize getting back into alignment, when I wanted to heal myself and be a better person, that was the biggest thing that changed for my life, was that I wanted to be a better person and I didn't know what that meant. And the language in 2008 is not the language we're using today, but it was the language that we had and it's the language that I use and it still comes down to, I wanted to be a better person. And that was a personal commitment I made to myself. With that,

I started to see the head trash. I started to see the depth of my pain. I started to see what happened to me as a child and it wasn't friggin pretty at all. It was hard, ugly, deep work and most people don't want to do that. But I wanted to because I didn't like where I was, what I was doing and how I was feeling. So what do you do? You start paying attention to what's going on in your thoughts.

So am I scanning for threats? Yeah. Am I looking for things? Yes. Am I identifying my feelings? I'm talking about my feelings in a totally different way. I'm trying to make sense of life, you know, get out of the drama, you know, observe what's going on outside of you. You want to get out of the drama, step back and watch what's unfolding before you don't participate in it. And that took me probably a good year or two to realize that I had to change that about myself.

Then I realized that even though I wasn't walking around like this, I still felt like this. So then it would start ruining to drop my shoulders. Start trusting people. I started to see people that were kind. They were kind to strangers. mean, going back to Chicago was like going back to Ohio because everybody was just your best friend. That's what they did. Colorado, not so much. Colorado is like, I live someplace else, don't bother me.

In the Midwest, people just opened their arms to you. They were your friends. They talked to you. They knew your name. And it didn't take very long for any of that to happen. So that felt good to come back to that part of what I knew to be true about life. And then I started surrounding myself with people like that. And then I didn't have to feel so protected all the time because I had other people staying on my back or protecting me.

But I also still felt like I had to be on high alert because there was still that underlying thing going on in the back of my head of you're not safe. Now I didn't understand I'm not safe or where I'm not safe came from. I mean, I knew part of it was with my father, but I don't think I fully embraced and understood to the depth of what that meant, of that safety factor.

And that everything I have always said is you're safe, you're safe, you're safe. I told it to myself, I tell it to my animals, I tell it to people, I told it to my clients. That's all I ever said is you're safe. Because I wanted to believe I was safe, because I didn't believe I was safe.

So even though I was a high achieving woman with accolades, I have a lot of things that I've accomplished in my life and a lot of people don't realize that I was the responsible one. I knew what to do under pressure. I knew how to get through whatever it was that if there was a disaster, I just knew how to put my head down, do it and then a month or two after it was done, I would collapse. I never panicked.

I just knew what to do when I picked up the reins and did it. That made me like this, like rock of Gibraltar where people were looking at me as a rock of Gibraltar and I'm like, I'm anything but that, but okay. Didn't realize that I did that because my attitude is you want to get it done, you do it yourself. Because based on my experience and I looked for it, not intentionally, but I look for it, see, they can't do what I want them to do. That means I have to do it myself.

And I always, and by doing that, I never had the opportunity to fall apart because then the term giving and receiving comes in. Well, in order to receive, you have to give. Well, I give all the time, but I couldn't receive and it had to be reciprocated. So when I moved to Chicago, what was the biggest thing I had to learn there? How to receive. And I did. And it was like the most uncomfortable thing in the world. But if I'm not receiving,

How am I expecting to get the things I want if I still have my arms up, my walls up, where nobody can come in? So my exhaustion was effort. It wasn't a weakness. So I had to maintain my looking good program, as I called it, because you always have to look good. And I got that from my mother, by the

because my mother always looked good. No matter what, she was always looking good. Even if she was falling apart on the inside and my mother was a very good actress because a lot of people when they saw my mother fall apart was the first time they saw it they're like, Jesus, lady, how are you taut? I said, that's my mother, that's what she does, but she never lets anyone else see it. I learned that trait and I did it and it was very destructive on so many levels.

Because my mother always wanted to look like she had it together. She didn't want to feel messy. Now, I didn't understand that my mother was also a victim of domestic violence. What I do know was that my grandfather beat my grandmother and I guess her older brother would try to protect her as much as she could until he went off to the service and then my mother's at home and my grandmother is now trying to protect my mother. So she's not getting beat or whatever went on in that house.

I knew there was violence, I knew there was a lot of things when I was a little kid, but I didn't know what understood anything that I saw or felt back then. So by taking control of everything was how I tried to feel safe. Like I was aware of my environment. I didn't always leave the windows open. I always closed like at night. I didn't leave blinds open or anything, because I didn't need anybody to know I was home alone.

I always close the drapes. I did a lot of things to protect myself for a very long time.

So even though I was successful, I was still suppressing everything that I was doing and everything was going into my body. So you weren't taught how to rest safely and you were taught how to function. And that's exactly what I did. I I swear to God, half the time, I mean, if I got woken up in the middle of the night or somebody comes up from behind, I scream. I still do that today because it's a natural reflex.

of something that, and who's in the house? Sal. And he comes up from behind, I don't see him, I'm not sensing him, and it's a blood curdling scream. And I'm like, please don't do that. And I didn't even know I still did that. So there's still like muscle memory in that part to protect myself from.

So you don't need more rest. And these aren't about mindset hacks. And this isn't about pushing through. This is about teaching your body safety, completing the stress responses and releasing what was never processed. And so what I'm talking about here is...

When my father died, and this has been really driving me home lately, because I've had people talking, asking me questions. And in order to really heal the depth of that pain, the depth of that is I had to embrace my inner child. I've been doing a lot of work with her for a very long time, but you know, that safety thing that she didn't have came.

up when my father died and I was doing the grieving but I wasn't grieving him. I wasn't grieving the loss and what I had to do was face with this little girl is sitting here telling me is you don't have a father and you never will. Like I was holding on to maybe one day this sick man would be un-sick. That never happened but I was holding on to it and I didn't know I was holding on to it. Then I had to accept the fact that I will never see this man again.

That's a good thing. But as a little girl, he was my daddy and I loved him. Here's the other side of me as the adult going, do you realize what this is? I mean, he's sick. I mean, it was like the good devil and the bad, what is it? The bad devil and the good angel, whatever it is. I'm having these conflicts with this little girl and then the adult me. And what I had to do is I had to merge them together. I had to explain to her.

what this was and I had to forgive me that this little girl had been holding on to that for so long.

because I know and I would recognize a gap in me that I don't have a father, I don't have a family, I'm alone in the world. And I really believe that and it really was that for me. But there was a pain that was associated that I did not know to the depth of what that was. So as I'm talking to her or she's feeling her way to me so I can bring reason

me to her, I had to embrace her and I had to not judge me because that's what it came down to is like, well, I'm grieving a perpetrator and it's like, and spirit's like, no, you're not grieving a perpetrator. You're grieving your healing. You're facing what you missed in this life. The part of you, that human side that wanted to have a mother and father who loved her. Cause I didn't have that. My mother.

She didn't love me at all. I found that out the day she died, when we buried her. That was a fun moment. And then I realized at that moment, besides the hopelessness, that I also had to release suicidal tendencies, not just for me, but when my mother died, I felt suicidal again and had to release that and understand that. Same thing happened with my father. But with my mother, it was so hopeless.

And I'm thinking that was given to me by my mother, that she felt so hopeless in her life that when she died, I got to feel what that hopelessness was. My father was a victim of sexual assault by my grandmother. He died. And I have finally understood so much more about my father at that moment because

Again, I felt the hopelessness and the despair. And even though I was enlightened and understood it, that emotional healing that went with the depth of that pain that I picked up as a child that I carried my entire life was so dark. And I'm telling you, there was no light in my life for at least 30 days. And I mean, nada. I saw no reason to live.

I wasn't going to kill myself. Now when my mother died, that was a different story because the hopelessness was so intense that I understood the suicidal tendencies. But that hopelessness that I felt with my father again of where is this coming from? it wasn't my thinking. It wasn't. It was where is this coming from? And it was coming from the little girl inside that that's what I felt my whole life was hopelessness.

That's why I wanted to die. That's why I didn't want to live. That's why I worked so hard to fight for my life because nobody fought for my life. I had to fight for it and that's what I chose to do. So as I'm owning this and embracing this little girl and dealing with phenomenal pain to a level that I didn't even know was there, it also is what calmed my nervous system.

because that little girl has been running my entire life. She's been in the driver's seat. And now that I put her in the back where she belongs, I'm driving and I'm seeing, I'm sleeping, I go to bed, I fall asleep. It's not like an hour later that I fall asleep. I'm falling asleep. I wake up, I feel refreshed. I also take that this detoxing is getting rid of a lot of things because learning a lot about how we... ⁓

take in lot of toxins in our body and what it does and how it sits in the fat cells because it mimics fat cells. And so when we're trying to lose weight, we can't because it doesn't do it. And it's just amazing what I have learned about the body and that as I'm detoxing, it's like, you know, we can hold on to all these toxins for 20 years. We could have undigested food sitting in our gut.

for 20, up to 20 years. mean, seriously, this is disgusting. But I'm noticing that, and it's also painful when I'm releasing and it's like, okay, this is like when my father died, there was so much pain associated. And I think it's just that within that, all those toxins, there's also energy movement. There's also thought forms, because we hold onto everything and we stuff them and we bury them where nobody can find them.

I can. I can always find them.

but we stuff it so when we finally release it, it's almost a painful release because it's been so painful in the body. Now, I'm a little grumbly, I've lost probably what, four or five pounds, hoo hoo, but to me I don't feel like I've lost enough, it sounds like, but you are, I see it. Now I don't because I'm still in it and I'm only two weeks, almost three weeks into it so I mean really Kath, give yourself a break. But CC, I still do the same thing.

but it's a whole body mind spirit. That's what I'm trying to say. There's the emotional side, there's a spiritual side, there's the mental side. There's bigger things happening that we don't always see and it comes in that quiet stillness in the reflection. It's when you're dealing with the deepest, darkest pain and because I wanna go really high, that means I have to go really low. But I've noticed that when I embraced,

that little girl and all the judgments that I had created at that time that I had towards myself, I had to release that and let her talk to me. And I had to listen to her and I had to feel her.

And I had to do this all by myself because there was nobody around to talk to on this. So spirit talked to me. And I understand all of it. grateful. I wasn't grateful then, but I'm grateful now because what I have learned on the other side. Now, we're not sure why I'm doing this whole thing with the body right now, but there's obviously something more that I'm going to be discovering with this. So I want you to realize that your body's not broken if you're having all these issues.

And it's just normal, it's what we do, it's how we adapt to society and God knows it's crazy out there right now. So of course we're all on edge. And I notice that I still get on edge when I hear things or see things or experience things. But I realize I'm part of the collective, but I'm here to change things and I stay focused on where I'm at. I'm staying focused on this cleanse because to me this is so important.

And I didn't know why it was so important, but I'm slowly beginning to understand why this is so important because I'm feeling better. I'm sleeping better. All the hormonal stuff is getting done because we're addressing everything. I mean, I've got stuff for my thyroid and my adrenals. You know, I'm healing my gut. I mean, there's just so many things that are going on and I'm feeling it. And it took a little time to get to where I am and it's going to take a little time to get healed.

It's going to get fast healed faster than how long as it took to get here, but it's OK because I'm releasing all of it. I'm not holding on to it anymore.

And you know, I do have the blueprint that, and it'll be in the show notes that I created last week that talked about how to start feeling rest without feeling guilty because it's so important for each and every one of us to spend that quiet time with yourself. Cause I watch people and even though they seem chaotic and they may be and they may not be, but it's what I experience, but they're trying to manage and they're doing things and I know when spirit's driving you.

And I was talking to a friend of mine because something had happened. And I said, you know, you just need to stop and rest. And just in the morning, like my morning hour or two, having coffee is my time. What am I thinking? What am I feeling? Where am I going? I'm listening. I'm always listening. And then I'll start my day. Even when spirit is dumping a hundred things at me at one time and I'm managing that energy and I can manage it.

but I burn out. But what I'm trying to do now is harness that energy. Like, okay, you're coming in. I got it. Well, I'm still going to do this. I'm still going to keep moving in the direction that I need to move in. What do I need to do? What's the most important? And I do that. I prioritize in ways I never did. So yes, I could say, well, you got to do this and this and this and this to get this to so you can start making money and do this and this and this.

And I'm sitting here over here going, yeah, but I also have corporate taxes that I have to get done and personal taxes because the IRS is coming. And I've got a little bit more than 30 days to get the corporate tax returns done. And they have to get done before I can do my personal tax. This is the stuff that goes on in my head.

So what's the priority? Getting the taxes done so I don't have to deal with it anymore. Because that is, in this world, taxes are really important to get done. And I don't trust anyone with them and never will trust them and I have reasons for that so I do my own taxes right now. I've, on wood, I've been very blessed that, you know, TurboTax is great. I use it, I feel confident. It taught me how to do a lot of things even when I didn't know how to do something.

when we sold our office space, I didn't know what to do, but TurboTax told me what to do and how to do it and we were fine and I paid all the taxes on it. Even though we didn't get paid for it all for a year later, but it's like, just pay it now, why not? So I did. So it was over and done with. So, I mean, I'm finding things that I'm capable of doing. Am I gonna do TurboTax the rest of my life? no, probably not. But for right now I can do it. I don't mind doing it because I'm understanding what I'm doing and where I need to be and what I wanna do.

And that's what I want to do. So you don't have to try harder. Your body just needs to learn that it's allowed to stop protecting you because that's what it's doing. And that's all it's doing is trying to protect you, the spirit, the little child inside. And when you can embrace her and love her for who she is, because you know, when she starts talking to you, when she gets into that pain, none of it makes sense. But see,

The reason it doesn't make sense is because she emotionally took it on. She had no logic, no reasoning behind it. She just felt it and didn't understand it. So it's up to you as the adult to talk to her and explain it to her or him. That this is what happened, this is why it happened, but that's not you anymore and I'm here to protect you. And the minute she feels that, I tell you, your body just goes.

all is well with the world. Your nervous system slows down. You start calming down. It's a game changer. And then if you feel like detoxing and getting all the crap out that you added to it, because we do that with ourselves, let's get rid of it. And that's what I'm choosing to do. So if you found any value in this show today, I would appreciate it if you would send the link to your friends or like or subscribe to the

that would be really nice. I'm also giving you the seven step rest free protocols. It is yours for free. So you can start gaining control over what you need to do because safety is so important and feeling calm. But a lot of times we have to start with just us before we feel safe to go out into the world again. And even though we can put on a mask, take off that mask and see how safe you feel.

It takes time and be gentle with yourself. I also have, I Am The Light Sanctuary. It's the path back to emotional healing. I would, if you're interested, please join the community. It's free to join. I have so many resources on what to do, how to help you, little tidbits. I mean, there's just so much information there for you to just help to get that calm place back to where you can like let your hair down for the first time.

So I do appreciate your time for watching the podcast. really do appreciate it. And I will see all of you next Tuesday at 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.