The Heartbreaking Moment You Don’t Recognize Yourself — And the Journey Home to Who You Really Are

Kathleen Flanagan (00:07)
Have you ever had that heartbreaking moment when you look in the mirror and you whisper to yourself, who am I? How did I even get here? On the outside, everything looks fine. You've done all the right things. You've built the career. You've carried the responsibilities. You played the roles you were taught to play. People respect you and maybe they even admire you. But on the inside, there's this ache.

A deep emptiness that no amount of achievement, no title, no relationship, no material thing seems to touch.

And in that moment, whether it's standing in the bathroom mirror, sitting in the car before walking into work, or lying awake at night, you realize something terrifying. You don't even recognize yourself anymore. I want you to know you are not alone in this. And even more importantly, this is not the end of your story.

It's the doorway to the most sacred journey you'll ever take, the journey home to who you really are. Hello everyone and welcome to the journey of an awakening spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan, your host. This moment is not recognizing yourself is one of the most painful experiences you can go through. And on the outside, life looks polished. You've kept everything together, your work, your family, your commitments.

You've been the responsible one, the strong one, and the dependable one. You wear the mask every single day you go through. You smile when you feel like crying. You say, I'm fine when anything is less than that. And you keep chasing the next accomplishment, but no matter what you achieve, it never feels like enough. And why does this happen?

because somewhere along the way you learned to silence your own voice. Maybe as a child, this is grace. Maybe as a child, your needs weren't met. Maybe you were taught that love had to be earned, that your worth was tied to performance. And maybe you faced trauma, abandonment or betrayal. And little by little, piece by piece,

you stop listening to the whispers of your own soul. You put on the mask, you played the role, you built a life that looked good on the outside, but cost you yourself on the inside. The impact of this is devastating. Sorry, folks. Loneliness, shame, feeling like a stranger in your own life.

And that quiet whisper inside that says, can't be, this can't be all there is.

Okay, come on, sweetheart, get down. Sorry about that.

I don't know what she wants attention for. The door is open to go outside.

The truth is that heartbreaking moment of not recognizing yourself isn't failure, it's your wake up call. It's your soul saying it's time to come home.

We all go through this. We all feel this.

A couple of weeks ago, I became a number one bestselling author on Infinite Impact Stories of Alignment, where there are 12 contributing authors that all talked about their wake-up call, that talked about these feelings, that they were never enough, that they felt something was missing. They were out of alignment, whatever it was.

They just didn't know what it was. And the one thing that they all came back to and what alignment did for each and every single one of us was that it helped us to find our why. Why are we doing what we're doing? What happened to us along the way? What was the hard lessons that we had to learn? And this book is powerful. There's something in this book for every single person. It doesn't matter. I mean,

Dr. Ryan is a neuroscientist. You have people that are so successful in doing things that, I mean, I learned so much about all these people and yet they all touched my soul. Because no matter what we look like on the outside, it's what's on the inside that matters. And when you bury your soul like that and you wanna come home because you can't endure the pain anymore, you're willing to do the work.

Awareness is your turning point. And when you finally decide you're going to own that you don't feel good anymore, you're tired of carrying the burden, you want something different because life has got to be something more than what you're experiencing at the moment is when you're going to make that change. And the moment that you name what's happening, you begin to remove that shame. You begin to realize you are not broken. You're simply disconnected from the trust,

true as part of who you are. And so how do you reconnect? The first step is stillness. I can't tell you how many times I tell you that I just sit and be because we live in a world that is like, do have be and it's be do have. You need to be that person to do the things you want, to have the things that you want. And we've done it all backwards.

So when you're sitting there and you're being with yourself, you're not running, you're not being distracted, and you're not numbing yourself. You create a space to hear your own voice. And that's what we're trying to do. There's so much noise out in the world right now that we don't hear that quiet, still voice. And it's in those quiet moments that the voice comes up. And you rather have it come in a quiet stillness

than a two by four coming in and flattening you on your butt. That much I do know. And that could be simply by journaling. It could be in doing meditation. It could be a quiet walk in nature. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as you're with you and you're doing the things that make you feel good. And even if you don't like the idea of doing it, you do it anyways because you notice that something's changed on the inside of you. The second step is

self-inquiry. You ask gentle, powerful questions like, what do I need right now? I do that one a lot. What do I need right now? Sometimes it's just sit and be in the moment. Sometimes it's just breathe through it. when I did the, ⁓ when we had the book lounge, I was like all over the place and I had to get things done and I had to just be in it, cry through it.

be it static through it, and then just focus in on what needed to get done. And then it was like everything shifted, everything calmed down because of it.

What part of me have I been ignoring? That's a powerful question because we know when we're ignoring something and we just know we've gotten masters that shoving it down so we don't wanna listen to it anymore, but we know what we're ignoring and it's those things that we're ignoring are the things that are gonna make the biggest change and impact in our life. And then where have I been abandoning myself just to keep the peace? How many of us...

are people pleasers and we don't want to rock the boat, so to speak. We don't like confrontation. My God, that's a big one. That's all you ever hear. And it's like the world is confrontational. Everything about the world is confrontational. Me saying no to you can be confrontational in your mind. And it's not in mine, but it could be in yours. It's not. Change the way you think about things. Change the way you look and perceive the world.

And the third step is allowing your emotions. Feel the grief, feel the anger, feel the sadness. These aren't wrong and they're not a weakness. They are signals guiding you back to the places inside that you need, that needs your love and attention.

You know, when I did the last podcast with Courtney on the book launch and I was sobbing on that podcast, I had been feeling so much angst and rage and I didn't know why I was feeling it. And for whatever reason, it showed up on that podcast. And I realized that I was so angry and this is part of the grieving process.

that I was so angry because my father was never the father that I wanted him to be. And I had hoped my whole life that one day he would change. And he never did. And he never was going to. And I was grieving that loss in my life. And then I was angry at myself that I actually had those emotions.

and I just sat with it and I was with it and I felt the emotion. But I also felt like the pressure was finally off because I finally figured out what was wrong. I didn't judge the emotion. I didn't like the emotion. I didn't like that I was crying over a man who practically changed my entire life. But I also realized that this was a contract that only he and my mom could have done to get me where I am today.

So that was, so I had to change the perception. I had to not judge those emotions. It's okay to cry. It's okay that I never had a father. I'm not happy about it. I always wondered what it would be like, but that's not this life for me. This life was about me, finding me, discovering who I am, because I didn't know who I was. I had no clue.

And these were all beautiful stepping stones to get me to find my voice, to come out, to share one of the most horrific events of my life to the world. And it's not going away because the book is published and it's a number one bestseller.

If you're open, close your eyes and take in a deep breath and picture yourself standing at a crossroad.

On one path you keep walking the road of staying lost, disconnected and tired.

And on the other path, there's light. It's unfamiliar, but it feels like home.

Your soul is inviting you to take that second path.

So what does it look like to walk the path home?

Coming home to yourself doesn't mean becoming someone new. It means remembering who you've always been underneath the mass, the stories and the expectations.

These are the steps of the journey. Remember your values. Ask yourself, what actually matters to me? Not what I was told that should matter, but what is it that matters to me?

One of my values is integrity, taking responsibility for your actions, empowering others. Those are three of my deepest, coarse values that I believe in and I live and hold people accountable for on. Reclaim your voice. Speak the truth. You've been silencing. Even if your voice shakes,

and even if it's just to whisper it first.

I remember back in April, May, June of last year after the first infinite impact came out and I joined this mastermind of business people and I'm a spiritual woo-woo kind of person and I was terrified to speak. I was terrified and I did it anyways.

Yes, I was shaking. I'm like, oh my God, these people probably think I'm crazy. I'm, you know, what is she doing here? She belongs like in a funny farm, whatever it was, whatever self-talk I gave myself. But what I found out later is everyone loved the fact that I was speaking up, that I was saying things. I mean, how many, was in David Baer's organization at the same time and I was showing up and I was bringing what I knew because these people were struggling and they were suffering.

and I wanted to ease their pain and I gave them permission to be themselves because how many people don't give us permission to be ourselves? How many people don't give us permission to speak our voice or to stand in our truth? And I wanted to hold that.

I even did that for a friend of mine that I said, you you need to own this. Own this. It's yours. You earned it. You went through hell for this. Support that part. Get rid of whatever other angst is around it and just go back to you. Because that's ⁓ a way how we come back to ourselves. That's about living to your values. It's an expansion of who you are.

then release those old stories. my God, everybody's got a story and they say them over and over and over and over again. Like you could say it's like your story because you know it so well. If you want something to change, you have to stop saying the story. You have to change it. You are not defined by your past, by your wounds or by the roles others gave you. I remember I was probably around 29 years old and my mother,

and my family kept bringing me back to 16 years old because I had gone into a drug rehab.

And I remember that I'm thinking I'm 29 years old. I live by myself. I'm successful. I pay my bills. You know, I'm everything I should be on the outside. And I remember going up to my mother and I made this decision and I was gonna stand by it no matter what. And I told her in no uncertain terms, I said, if you don't stop and this family doesn't stop with what I did 13 years ago,

You will never see me again.

And I meant it. And she knew it. And it stopped.

Because if I'm trying to change my story, I can't let others keep holding me back to those stories as well. And I know there's people will rebuke you on this because I had somebody that she kept saying the story over and over and over again. And I finally told her, said, when are you going to change the story? When are you going to move on with your life?

She decided never speak to me again pretty much after that one because she wanted something different, but she wasn't going to change the story because changing the story was how she defined herself. And that's not who she was, but it's how she defined herself. So the only change comes when you make that change for yourself. And then realign with spirit. Anchor yourself into something greater than your pain. Call it God, source, light.

Spirit, it doesn't matter, whatever that is for you. What matters is remembering you're not walking alone on this road. And you never are. We are never, ever alone. Ever. I learned that when I was living in Chicago. I lived, I know that for a fact. We are never alone. Regardless if we feel alone, we are never alone. We just have to learn to open our eyes and listen.

So here's the gift. When you begin to walk this journey, rediscover what feels like home. Peace, freedom, authenticity, the ability to breathe again, to laugh again, to look in the mirror and see someone you recognize.

Not because she's perfect, but because she's real.

That's big, that's huge. Because how many times do we look in the mirror and never see ourselves? Because we don't like what we see, because we see what's on the inside, we feel the inside. But when you can look in the mirror and you see yourself differently, it's a game changer, it truly is a game changer. And this is the journey of wholeness, the journey of remembering that you are already enough, because we always think we're never enough, but we are.

We are perfect just the way we are right here, right now. And if we were supposed to be someplace else, we would be. So trust the process that you're in, that you're in the most beautiful place that you need to be right here, right now.

So if you've ever had that heartbreaking moment of not recognizing yourself, know this, it is not the end of the story. It's the beginning of your homecoming. Coming back home to yourself is the most sacred journey you'll ever take, and you are worthy of every step. So today, I want to leave you with one simple invitation. Choose one small act that feels like home.

And when I first did this, when I first started coming back to myself, I loved to cook. And I remember when I was in Chicago, and this is when I met Sal, I would cook. And it made me feel good because it was part of who I was and it's something that I love to make dinner for people and food for people because, you know, nourish their bodies, nourish their soul, good conversation.

you know, how many times are we gathered and most of our events are around food? And that's one thing that I did. And I remember thinking, why did I stop doing this? Why did I think this was so bad? And I think there was a time in the eighties when, you know, the woman was going to work, taking care of the kids and then coming home and being a woman to her man. my God, seriously.

I mean, we were super women and we were all miserable because we were living up to an expectation that Hollywood or somebody decided that we were supposed to be when we weren't that. I wanted to come back to simplicity in my life. And that was something else that I did was come back to simplicity. That's why I went back and got into aromatherapy was because I wanted to take control of my health. wanted to take control of everything.

And when my grandmother was alive, we didn't have pharmaceuticals, we had plant medicine. We had things that didn't kill us, us, or cause cancer. And that's why I did. I went back to the root of me because I believed that everything on this earth was here to provide for us. And we were depending on pharmaceuticals and multinational corporations. And something just seemed really out of whack with me on that. So that's another thing that...

just go back and find what was that? Because it's like, men like when women cook for them. I like when men cook for me, so why wouldn't they like it when you're cooking for them too? you just see, it's simple joy, it's just simple happiness. And it just made my heart tingle and feel warm and good all on the inside. So that's what this coming home is, is what makes you happy? What makes your heart sing and do that?

Because coming home to yourself is the most sacred journey you're ever going to take and you are worthy of every step that you take. So maybe it's sitting, maybe sitting quietly with a cup of tea is something that you love to do. And maybe it's writing in your journal. I know there's a lot of people that journal because you know, when you go back and you read it, it's like, wow, things that you've done and changed and evolved. mean, it's a beautiful way of.

seeing how you've changed, because I've looked at some of my old journals and I'm like, whoa, have I changed a lot? It's a really good thing. Or maybe it's telling the truth to someone that you trust. But whatever it is, let it be the first step back to you. Because the world doesn't need the mask that you've been wearing. The world needs you, whole, free, and true.

Welcome home.

I wanna thank you all for joining me today on the journey of an awakening spirit. If you wanna get in touch with me, you can find me at KathleenMFlanagan.com where I have a list of services and products there, my books are there. If you need to talk to somebody, I'm more than happy there's a form on there that we can connect and have a chat and just help you navigate through whatever you need to navigate.

I do have the light activation guide, which is a very simple step of just start the journey coming back to you. It just takes one little baby step to start the ball rolling. You'll be glad that you did, and you don't have to go through this alone because I'm here, I've been there, and I can help navigate you through some of those turbulent times that you may be having or will have. So I want to thank you again. If you like what you heard, feel free to subscribe to the channel.

found value in this and you know someone who needs to hear this, please forward the link to them. I would really greatly appreciate that. And I will see all of you next Tuesday at 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And from my heart to yours, I hope you have a fabulous week.