The Healing You Didn’t Know You Needed: Welcoming Back Your Forgotten Parts

Kathleen (00:02)
Welcome to the journey of an awakening spirit.

a sacred space where transformation begins. This podcast is your guide to rediscovering your true self, breaking free from old limitations and embracing the power of your soul's calling. Here, you'll receive practical tools, soulful insights, and uplifting conversations that remind you you are never alone on this path. We'll open the lines and dive deep into the questions that matter most to you.

Now, let's begin this powerful journey together with your host of the journey of an awakening spirit, Kathleen Flanagan.

Kathleen Flanagan (00:48)
Hello everyone, today we're going to talk about the healing you didn't know you needed, welcoming back your forgotten parts. Now when you first hear that, you might wonder healing I didn't know I needed, what does that even mean? Most of us walk through life thinking we're already dealt with the hard stuff. We've survived, we've pushed through, we've learned how to function, how to perform, how to keep moving, and so we convince ourselves

I'm fine. But beneath the surface, these are parts that are with that we've quietly pushed aside, parts that carry old wounds, unmet needs, or memories we decided were too painful, too messy, and too much. And here's the thing, those parts just don't disappear. They wait. They whisper. They show up as emptiness that success can't fill.

as restlessness that no distraction can quiet and as a quiet ache that says something is missing. And here's the thing, I remember a season in my life when I thought I was holding it all together on the outside. People saw the strength, they saw the responsibility, they saw the success, but inside I was fractured. I had silenced so many parts of myself that I didn't even recognize who I was anymore.

And what I didn't realize then, and what I want you to hear today is that the healing that I needed wasn't out there somewhere else. It wasn't in doing more, achieving more, or proving more. I was turning towards the parts of me that I had abandoned. And that's what today is about. Not fixing yourself, not becoming someone new, but welcoming back the... ⁓

welcoming back the forgotten parts of you, the ones you didn't even realize were longing to come home. And because of that is the healing you didn't know you needed. Hello everyone and welcome to the journey of an awakening spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan, your host.

So let's talk about those forgotten parts. And they are the versions that didn't feel safe to exist. That little girl who was told that I was too much, that I wasn't allowed to speak. The teenager who decided it was safer to be perfect than to be real. And a woman who put her needs aside because I thought love had to be earned. And these are all parts of who I was. These are the un...

seen parts that I buried deep inside. And even though I may have spent a lifetime trying to find those things, that didn't mean I found them. And over time, you know, we exiled this part of ourselves and we bury the sadness and we try to numb the anger and we silence the longing and we pretend that the wounds aren't there, but they are there. And on the outside we function and we look strong, but on the inside it feels like something is missing.

Maybe you feel restless, like no amount of achievement satisfies you. That's definitely me. It was always on to the next, on to the next, on to the next. And I never felt satisfied. I always felt like there was so much more I could be doing. And maybe you feel empty even though you're surrounded by people. I learned that at a very young age that I could be in a room of people and I was so alone and so isolated. And I just remember that

what an illusion to be around people was. So I'm like, if I'm by myself around people, then that means I'm by myself all the time and I better learn to like myself. And that was something that I learned at a very young age was that.

And then maybe joy feels fleeting. Like when something good comes, you sabotage it before it takes root. my God, I can't even tell you how many times I've done that in my life because I felt so unloved and so undeserving that I sabotaged everything. And even though I didn't think I was, I was because I could always see a pattern, but I didn't understand the pattern and I didn't know how to break that pattern. So think of it like this. Imagine your life as a house.

You live in the rooms that everyone can see, the kitchen, the living room, the office, but there are other rooms, the basement, the attic, the locked bedrooms that you haven't entered in years. The energy in those rooms still affects the whole house. You might smell the dust and feel the drafts and sense the weight of what's behind the door. And the only way to truly heal the house is to unlock the rooms and bring the light back in.

And that's what happens when you begin to welcome back your forgotten parts.

And here's the shift, the parts that you've avoided aren't here to destroy you, they're here to guide you. Anger, it reveals where your boundaries were crossed. my God, I mean, everyone always said you're angry, but I wasn't angry, I was enraged. And I didn't know why I was enraged. I didn't understand that part of myself and there was always a sadness to the point.

of what I loved and I lost it. I mean, I remember when I finally said okay to the divorce with my ex-husband, I mean, I was devastated. I mean, I was married for life. I love this man more than anything. And yet I couldn't tolerate what he was doing. We didn't get along. I mean, I was never going to be good enough for him. I was always felt like I was behind the eight ball. I always felt shamed and abused and mistreated.

And then shame, shows up where connection was severed, where you learn to hide. And I can't tell you how many times I've felt that. I I tried to say I don't have any shame, but I did have shame. I mean, I felt bad about myself a lot of times. And these emotions and memories aren't proof of my weakness. I mean, we think that they are, but they're really not. They were the doorways to the truth. And when I stopped running from them and began, they began to show.

me the way home and that's when I went to Chicago. That moment when I just remember sitting in that little 600 square foot apartment and just wondering why I did what I did, why did I come to Chicago, what was I thinking? There was a part of me that was so terrified and in that moment I just wanted to be a better person. That's all I could say to myself is I didn't want to be angry anymore.

I didn't want to feel as bad as I felt. I just wanted like the good things of life. I wanted love. I wanted kindness. I wanted to treat people good. I wanted people to treat me good. I wanted to see those missing parts. And I didn't know what I was asking for when I did that. And thank God I was oblivious because if I would have known what was coming, I probably wouldn't have done the work. So thank God I did it because

That is really what set me free. And yes, I went down a dark rabbit hole, but that's what you do. When the light comes in, it's going to shine the light in the attic, in the basement. That's your unconscious, your super conscious mind, your unconscious and subconscious parts of your mind. The light comes in to start reflecting back. But you have to be ready for that because this kind of work is not for the faint of heart and you have to be.

want to do it because why would you start it and then not finish it?

And it was hard. And I'm so grateful that I did it because my whole life changed. Everything in my life changed when I faced those demons, when I saw that. And you know, when I talk about this, about the tsunami of the beating that my father did and what that did, and there's more in depth in the chapter in the book, in the anthology book that's launching on September 9th.

All of that mattered to me that I didn't know how impactful that was. I always knew there was something and I didn't know I was 11 at the time. I thought I was like eight or nine, but I wasn't. was a little older. And I couldn't get past that for the longest time. And I can see why because of how emotional it was and the tsunami of emotions that came up during that period of time. And it still comes up.

I mean, my father just recently passed away at the end of April and there's a whole new set of emotions that came with it. I mean, all I kept saying is this is complicated because I didn't understand what I was feeling. I didn't know who I was at a whole new level all over again. I didn't even know who I was because when you sit there and you're just constantly doing this, looking over your shoulder, knowing there's something over there that's going to get you, the boogeyman under the bed.

the monster in the closet. That was how I lived my life. I didn't know I was living my life that way until I changed it. And that's the thing, that those were the forgotten hidden parts of me because I just couldn't understand why did I choose this life? Why did I choose this? What was the purpose? Why did I choose these people of all people that didn't even love me?

And I know why I chose them, not fully, but I'm going to get that clarity really soon because I'm going to do the heal emotionally now meditation that's gonna take me there to understand even more to a greater depth. But I wanna be really ready for that. I want to understand that and then feel free because what I'm finding right now is so many cool things are happening and I'm not sabotaging them.

But there's this part of me that feels so vulnerable right now, like I am 100 % exposed to the world. Yes, I'm doing three podcasts a week right now. I had this dying lotus tree in front of my house was taken down on Sunday and I don't like the way my house looks. I feel vulnerable. That tree for some reason felt like a protecting factor.

I redid my website where I became even more vulnerable and I'm like, I don't like this. I do not like this at all because I feel like I've exposed myself to a level that I've never exposed myself and it's very frightening. I'm doing it. I'm walking through the fire and it doesn't feel good, but I'm doing it. And that's the thing is that as we progress and we start healing, there's always more because we are a book that never ends.

always growing, we are always changing and it's up to you how much you choose to change in this lifetime. And I want to give this to you right now.

And I want you to experience this. And this is going to be a very guided reflection. So I want you to close your eyes if you're comfortable and take in a deep breath and let it out.

Now think of the part of yourself that you've tried to hide. Maybe it's a memory, an emotion, or simply a younger version of who you felt you left behind. And just notice it.

Don't judge it. Don't fix it. Simply see it.

Now imagine placing your hand on your heart and whispering.

You belong here.

I see you.

I welcome you home.

Take in a breath.

and let that settle in.

And when you're ready, gently open your eyes.

Did you feel it?

Even the softest shift, that softening in your chest, that exhale of relief, is the beginning of welcoming back what you lost. This is where the true healing begins.

So how do you actually do this? And how do you welcome those forgotten parts back home?

I like to think of the three Rs, recognize. Start by noticing where you feel restless, empty or triggered. Those feelings are clues, signaling points of view to the part of yourself that wants attention. Like when I was saying I was feeling very vulnerable, I was recognizing why am I feeling vulnerable? Because I expose myself at a deeper level. I mean, at a level, I mean, I've been doing that and

and you think you're doing it and you're seeing it, but you know you're not there 100%. And when I was doing the podcast last week with Courtney, after it, we had a long conversation and she said, and we were talking about our stories and we were talking about recognizing this part and becoming that vulnerable. And she says, your story is the story you don't want to tell anyone. And I said, that story is what's in the anthology. I didn't want to tell anyone.

And even though everyone gave me permission not to write that story, I knew I had to write that story because it's the story I don't want to share. And it's the story that I'm walking through right now to show you the way back home and to face the deepest demons that you have within yourself. And I'm here to tell you I'm still alive because of it. So revisit. Instead of pushing it away, lean into it with compassion and ask,

What are you trying to tell me? And what do you need me to know? And in that vulnerability, I know that the greatest gifts that I want, that I have been asking and seeking for my whole life, is walking through the vulnerability and letting people see me. Not judging, not creating whatever story I want to create around it, but just being fully 100 % exposed, fully expressed. Lead by example.

Let people see what I don't want people to ever see. You know, it's easy for me on a lot of levels, but when I get into this really deep part, this is the part that I want to hide, this is the part I don't want anyone to see because I've been battered when I've been in this vulnerable spot. So I'm learning how to trust. And if people are going to do it, that's their stuff, it's not mine. It's just how do I choose to react with it?

And that's what I'm learning how to do is to learn to do things differently. And then the third one is to reclaim. Speak compassion over it. Thank it for protecting you. And believe me, I have done that my whole life. I loved my anger. My anger kept me alive. If I didn't have my anger, I would have died a long time ago. And that's what kept me going. And that's why I had no issues with.

anger and I still don't have issues. It's just an emotion. But I felt okay with it. But what I wanted to change with the anger instead of coming home and kicking the dog and beating up my husband over it, I wanted to take the anger out on the person who created it. And that's what I started to do. And that's when I felt even more empowered because I was no longer holding it and coming home and being grumpy, I took it out or gave it back to the person who gave it to me because they deserved it.

I mean, you wanna push somebody's buttons, you better be willing to pay the price because I'm gonna pay the, you'll get the price. I will give you the price. And then just let it integrate, bringing its wisdom forward into how you live today. And that's what I'm saying about the vulnerability. I mean, I still get grumpy, don't get me wrong. I'm still cranky. I still get upset. I still get frustrated.

But the whole point is, that I'm understanding and that when I'm really agitated, because there's an element of me that's really agitated right now, and it's only because I'm uncomfortable. I'm not taking it out on anyone, it's what I feel on the inside is that agitation of like, what are you doing? Why are you doing this? Stop, save me, I can't do this. That's what I'm doing to myself. And don't tell me you don't do that either, because we all do it. And I know that, and so,

You know, once I worked.

I once with I buried my emotions.

And I wanted to have, and I always put everything together. I just didn't want anybody to ever know what was going on inside. But talk about the self-criticism that I did. And there was a part of me that even though I had all this energy, I had so much energy, I was still tired. I was still tired. Because when you're holding up your walls and you're trying to protect yourself and you're trying to keep, make sure everything's all in place and nothing, there's not a hair out of place.

that control because that's what gave me how I started to take control. I controlled everything in my life. That's what I wanted to do because I figured if I could control that, then I was controlling me and I wouldn't fall apart. And I didn't want anybody to ever see that.

And I didn't care, because I've had people say, you you're a really angry person and I'm not even being angry. And they're saying, well, I'm fine with my anger. So what are you hiding? Because if you're seeing it and I'm not angry, then obviously I'm mirroring back because we are mirrors to other people. I had to, and I started taking that kind of responsibility. well, you know, I mean, even Courtney said, it's like, you're like angry. You're like one of the angriest people I know. I'm like, wow, all this work I'm doing and I'm still angry. But it wasn't meant the way it sounded.

what she meant by it was that I express. When I'm angry, I'm angry and I will fully express the anger. I don't care about what you think, I don't care about any of it. I'm going to get it out of my body because you know what, if you don't express it, that's how we get cancer. And I decided a long time ago that that is not an option in my life. So I will express this and get this out because why should I hold this in and be in turmoil? So I'm gonna get the anger out and I do.

Sometimes it's just my way of just getting the angst out because sometimes I don't know what's happening. So I always come that. But the thing is, that I had somebody tell me this not too long ago that I was angry and I said, no, I'm not angry. I'm passionate. It sounds like anger, but I'm passionate. I believe in what I'm doing so much that I will fight to the death to get what I want. And I will fight to the death to protect the people I love and the animals that I love.

And if you think that's anger, that's your choice to think that. But I'm passionate about saving something because if I'm coming to tears, I know that I've gone down that rabbit hole. And I'm fine with that. And see, that's just getting to know me. That's understanding where I'm at. And if you want to push a boundary, ⁓ my God, you better be prepared because you push my boundaries and you don't stop when I tell you to stop. Be prepared. And I don't care. Because I spent so much time

being a doormat in my life that I don't do that anymore. You don't get to come up and say whatever crap you wanna say about me or make up whatever and think I'm gonna sit there and take it. No, I don't do that. I don't allow that anymore. And it feels so good to finally say, you don't get to write to talk to me like that and you don't have the right to say anything, especially when you don't know me.

I loved it. I love it. It feels good. It feels empowering. And I'm not trying to hurt the other person. I didn't start it, but I will finish it.

So, know, it's okay to give yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you feel. It's always okay. If you need to preface this, if you need to tell a spouse what's going on and you're angry and just say, let, just let me get it out, do that, whatever you have to do, but allow the emotion to come forward. I mean, screaming a pillow, God knows I used to do that. I used to vacuum my house and be like, whole time. And when I got done,

with getting the rage out, my house was clean. And I was like, God, this is so good. So I learned to use my anger in a way that was beneficial. Instead of beating somebody up or going out and killing someone, I cleaned my house. I loved it. My house was so sparkling clean, I didn't even know I was that angry. that's the power of doing the work. The parts of you that you fear the most carry your greatest gifts. yeah.

That is so true. That is so very true.

the tsunami of the emotions, of the rage that I felt, of the child that I was when I came and when my uncle told me you were so full of love and everybody loved you and you put big old bear hugs around everyone and so happy to see everyone. And it's like, well, what happened to me then? What happened? And then I remembered what happened. And I was angry about that because

How could two people who claim to be your parents and love you destroy her little innocent heart? Okay? And I had to forgive on a level I didn't even know. But the beauty of what I did see when this emotion was up was I saw like a full circle of my life.

that I needed to do this deviation so I could understand me better. So I knew who I was and I knew how I thought and how I felt. And so coming back to that trusting little girl is where I'm at of wanting to come up and wrap my arms around people and just love on them. I'm not 100 % there yet, but I know that's where I'm going and that's where I wanna go. And so my word...

is I love everything that I'm doing, everything I want to do, I just want to pour love into it because that's what generates my happiness, my safety, my freedom. And this is all part of that alignment process. So maybe I don't have to feel safe anymore and now I can just walk into love. And maybe that's what I'm doing, I don't know. All I know is I'm observing, I'm listening, and I'm going to do what I need to do.

So here's what I want you to take away today. The healing you know you didn't need it, that you didn't know you needed, might not come from doing more, striving harder, or fixing yourself. It comes from remembering. From opening the door to the parts of you that have been waiting in the shadows. From saying, you belong, I see you, I welcome you home.

And this is part of that inner child work because how many of us were wounded? Every single one of us have suffered from post-traumatic. It doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't matter when it happened. We all have post-traumatic. And this is all that part of you coming back and loving you because nobody else is going to do it for you the way you're going to do it. And if you want to have what you want, it's up to you to make those changes. So when you stop doing

this. When you do this, you stop living as a fragmented version of yourself and you begin to live as the whole authentic you that you were always meant to be. We are all unique individuals and I know that in our society we compare ourselves a lot and it's time to stop doing that. We need you just the way you are. The gifts that I've been received from

the people that I've had in my life throughout the various parts of my life have done been the best, their uniqueness. And yes, I compared myself for a while when I was younger and I don't do that because, you know, I still do comparisons every now and then and it's usually when I'm feeling really, really insecure and then I stop myself. And it's like, no, Kath.

You just haven't found where you need to be. You know what you want, you know where you're going, you're just not sure how to make that path. And as Courtney told me one day is when you're building something really big, it takes a long time to get it off the ground. And you know, I hold onto that because the more I, the deeper I go, the more my life gets better and the more money that comes in, the more love that comes in, the more friendships that come in, I'm just watching.

how my life is unfolding the more I unfold with myself. So tonight, maybe journal on this question. What part of me have I left behind that's asking to come home? And as you sit with that, may you feel the courage to open the door and the grace to welcome yourself back. Because you were never meant to be broken. You were always whole and it's time to live

from that truth.

I wanna thank all of you for joining me today. I really do appreciate your time, cause I know how valuable time is. And if you want to reach out, you can reach me at kathleenmflanagan.com. And I do have a 15 minute free call if you'd like to call and see if we can work together. I do have a list of services and programs on my website that are there that can help you through this process. I do have ⁓ the authentic

What is it?

I don't know. I got a couple of things up there for free. The alignment, authentic living or something. Anyways, I'm doing so much. I've got so many different things I'm putting together and I am going to definitely be starting a community very, very soon. I'm in the final stages of getting all of that put together of what I want to put up there. So it's going to be an opportunity that we can connect and talk and be with other like minded people. I will be back here next.

Tuesday at 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time and from my heart to yours, I wish you a very happy week.

Kathleen (29:22)
You've been listening to the journey of an awakening spirit with your host, Kathleen Flanagan. Join us each week as Kathleen invites those who are ready to awaken, heal and rise to live their highest vision anchored in love, joy and truth. Tuesdays, 4 p.m. Eastern.