How to Find Yourself When You Feel Lost

KATHLEEN: Hello everyone and welcome to the Journey of an Awakening Spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan, your host, and we're streaming on the Bold Brave TV Network. And we have Felix, okay? He wants to be on the show. I have four cats in the room with me today, so it should be an interesting event.

KATHLEEN: This space was created to remind you that you are not alone. No matter what your past looks like or what you're facing today, you hold the power to shift your life. We've all walked through pain, loss, betrayal. Loneliness, frustration, and hopelessness. But your story doesn't end there. This show is about turning those dark nights into dawn.

KATHLEEN: It's about rediscovering the truth of who you are beneath the pressure, performance, and expectations. Maybe you've achieved success, but deep down still feel isolated, angry, or even like giving up. You long to be seen, not for the titles or accolades, but for your truth. You want to be known and celebrated for the real you, not the vision of yourself that's been performing just to survive.

KATHLEEN: You've read the books. You've gone to the workshops. You implemented the strategies, but something still feels off. That cycle of hope followed by disappointment keeps repeating. And the voice inside says, maybe this is all there is. But it's not. As a certified transformational coach and the creator of the Soul Journey program, I help you to reconnect with your authentic self and align with your soul vision.

KATHLEEN: I give you the tools to remember who you really are, powerful, worthy, and whole. Each week on the show, we begin with the sacred sounds of the tuning forks to bring in the energies of love, joy, and happiness, setting the tone for the deep healing and soulful conversations. So let's begin.

KATHLEEN: Thank you for watching.

KATHLEEN: I want to talk about the dark side of the awakening and how you find yourself when you feel lost within it. I know that the waking up process seems like it could be a really cool experience, but it's not always that way. There are days and moments, weeks, sometimes even years of heaviness that can come along with the awakening. And when I wrote the books Dancing Souls. I was in it for years.

KATHLEEN: I had been doing a lot of awakening throughout my life, but this was the deep penetrating work that I really wanted to just finally face. And it was a very lonely and it felt very heavy in the density of that. And that's why I want to talk about this because there are so many changes going on in the world today that I think a lot of us are feeling lost, but it's not that you're lost. It's just part of our evolution.

KATHLEEN: Spiritual awakening is often portrayed as a beautiful journey into the Light. But what happens when that journey feels more like a free fall into darkness? And if you've ever felt completely lost, disconnected from who you used to be, and unsure of who you're becoming, this episode is for you.

KATHLEEN: I want to talk about the hidden, messy, emotional side of awakening, why feeling lost is not failure, but an invitation, and the power of reclaiming yourself in the void.

KATHLEEN: I'm going to debunk the myth that awakening is all peace, clarity, and enlightenment, because it's not.

KATHLEEN: When I wrote the books and off and on throughout my life, it was always that feeling of three steps forward and two steps back. That's how dark the planet was. That's how much Light was not on the planet at the time. So anytime we felt like we were making forward movement, we were pushed back because that was just the nature of things.

KATHLEEN: And it was frustrating back then because you feel like you were just getting somewhere and then it stopped. But when I wrote the books is when I was really in it. That's when all my self-limiting beliefs came up, all the paradigms, all the lies that were perpetuated on me.

KATHLEEN: I also started to realize that we were never alone. Spirit is always with us, talking to us, showing us signs. Nature talks to us all the time. It's just that we don't know the signs.

KATHLEEN: We create drama because that's what we're designed to do. Our brains are designed to create drama. Hence, why TV movies are full of drama and we get into it is because we create those stories around ourselves. I remember before I went to write the books and I was ending the relationship with my partner at the time.

KATHLEEN: Spirit told me to go into aesthetics, and I thought they were absolutely crazy for having me do that. But they actually showed me what was going to happen when I did that, that this true essence of who I really was was coming out.

KATHLEEN: And that scared, lost little girl that was terrified of the world and terrified of people said, okay, even though I didn't want to do it, but what I discovered when I did it, that when a client came into my room, And I laid my hands on to clean their face.

KATHLEEN: They just vomited everything because they felt safe. They felt like they could tell me what was going on. And I started to ease their troubles. And that's what Spirit showed me. And it also took that opportunity was I wasn't alone.

KATHLEEN: For the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn't alone, that I wasn't the only one having head trash and negative thoughts. Everyone gets it but me and I'm stupid or whatever we say to ourselves. And that's the biggest thing on a spiritual awakening process is really learning to stop saying those negative things.

KATHLEEN: I know that most of us heard that crap when we were children. And we took it in because we didn't understand it. And we figured if our parents or aunts or teachers or anyone else said those, that there must be truth in it because we didn't know any better.

KATHLEEN: And I looked at most of that happening in my life throughout the years that there were things that was running my life. And it's our unconscious mind. It's those thought forms that are in our unconscious mind that run our life. I remember it's like, how can you change something if you don't know what it is?

KATHLEEN: Usually life presents those unconscious thoughts by opportunities that present themselves. It could be a relationship. It could be a work environment. It could be something that triggers that. And then you beat yourself up, but it's not. What's actually happening inside of your psyche is that it's an opportunity to finally bring clarity.

KATHLEEN: To whatever that misconception was because you internalized it. You put it in a file cabinet because you took it on emotionally because we didn't have reasoning capacities yet. And so this is that opportunity to look at that and move forward and change it and rewrite your story. Now, nobody tells us any of this, but that's what we're trying to do.

KATHLEEN: And that's where we are today. So when those are coming up and you're... Floundering because you feel like you've lost yourself somewhere because there's this moment that I felt like my whole life has been a lie. Everything anybody ever told me was a lie because I was by myself in Chicago. I had friends around, but I was very isolated and I wanted to be that way because I needed to get back into me.

KATHLEEN: I felt like I didn't know why I was there, even though I knew I was writing the books. I didn't understand what the books were going to be. I thought they were like 10 different topics and it turned out to be something totally different. I didn't know what my purpose was because, again, We don't know this and nobody tells us.

KATHLEEN: We are living our purpose every single day. It's in the reflection that we start seeing and looking back and how we start moving into that. So when I talked last week about being a paralegal and then starting Awakening Spirit and Grandma's Natural Remedies, it was all a natural progression to where I am today.

KATHLEEN: It's all part of who I am. It's all part of the overall theme of who I am and what I wanted. And these were all gentle ways for me to wake up, understand the body-mind connection, understand how the body worked, how our brains worked. And I have Grace coming. She might be coming on the camera in just a minute. Yep, here she comes. There's her tail.

KATHLEEN: And emotionally, when I was feeling this, there would be moments of pure panic. Where I was like, oh my God, I got to get out of my skin. I was terrified. I learned to breathe through it. In 90 seconds, it passed. I also had moments of feeling very overwhelmed.

KATHLEEN: I also remember when I was writing the books and the information was coming in, I couldn't understand how God could love us when we were such very animalistic and horrible people on many levels, the way we treated our world. Other people, animals.

KATHLEEN: There was that awakening process that I started to see things differently. And somehow I got lost in, I don't even know if I could even do that. Now that's not my job to love like God. And it's not yours either. We strive to be that person.

KATHLEEN: I remember how many times I just had to breathe through it and look at what was coming up and just feel the emotion. And it did suck. It truly did suck to have to do that at times, but it was the only way through it because the only way to get to where you want to go is you have to walk through it, as painful as it may be.

KATHLEEN: I also felt very disconnected from other people and I felt disconnected from the world. That's why I went into isolation because I couldn't take on anybody else's thoughts. I couldn't take on what they were thinking or how they felt. I didn't care about their opinion. Opinions of me. I didn't care about a lot of things at that point.

KATHLEEN: I needed to find out who was I? What was I thinking? How was I feeling? Because I never knew. I always projected, like, if you were happy, then that meant I should be happy too. And if I wasn't, then I had to just get happy or whatever. I really did not have any sense of self at all.

KATHLEEN: Okay. So I guess we are going to have a little bit of a cat fight.

KATHLEEN: When I was going through that process, I also at that moment, because I was going through it, I started to realize that I did have a voice. I did have something to say. I was allowed to stand up for myself. I started realizing when people were dumping their crap on me because I never knew.

KATHLEEN: I just figured when they dumped it, I took it because I thought that's just what it was. And I started to realize what people were doing and it was time to stop that. And there were times when I felt like I was going backwards. Like, oh my God, am I ever going to be moving forward in my life? But when you're in it and you're bringing up everything you can possibly bring up, you feel like you're going backwards.

KATHLEEN: You feel like you're not a nice person. You don't even feel like you even like who you are, but you have to go through it because this is the life you created. This is your journey of your awakening and of your becoming. And you're not broken. You're just shedding who you're not.

KATHLEEN: And that, I think, is really a very powerful place to be and start changing how you're perceiving your experiences. Because we aren't broken. We never were. We are just becoming more of who we are and getting rid of the lies that were perpetuated on us. And with that, we're going to go ahead and take a quick commercial break.

KATHLEEN: Welcome back everyone to the journey of an awakening Spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan, your host, and we're streaming on the Bold Brave TV Network. I want to explain a little bit of why you may feel lost. And the lostness is, it's an energetic and emotional reason behind this loss of self. First of all, old belief systems are collapsing.

KATHLEEN: That is huge. Like I said, how many times did I think that my life was based on a lie? I mean, the world was mean and horrible and you couldn't trust it and it was unsafe. No, that was not the truth. That was my truth. That was what I knew because of the tragedies that happened in my life.

KATHLEEN: And as I was moving through all of that, I started to realize that when I removed this, because you're also dealing with the death of your ego. And you also feel spiritually disoriented at the same time. I mean, there's so many things that are happening in this process. And because we carry so much in ourselves, you're having a cellular emotional purging of trauma.

KATHLEEN: And the one part that I remember the most that I think hit the most, that was the most transformative at that time. And this is the part that I'm writing in the book, the anthology book. On the alignment process was when I was 11 years old and my father had beat me to a pulp because I was playing with matches and the neighborhood kids were watching.

KATHLEEN: I had bruises from my shoulders all the way to the back of my knees from this man. And my mother stood in the kitchen and did nothing.

KATHLEEN: Now I resolved that, but not emotionally. And there was a tsunami of emotions that came up. I didn't know what they were until the emotion passed. I realized that it was my mother did nothing to protect her child. And that got to me. And then another tsunami came up behind that.

KATHLEEN: I realized the thought form that I created that my parents were monsters at that point in time as well. Now, I didn't remember the next part that came when I wrote the anthology book that my father... Came to threaten me. And I told him that if he ever laid a hand on me again, I would call the police for child abuse.

KATHLEEN: And in the sixties, that was not something that was really prominent. And he said what he would take the phone and rip it out of the wall. And I said, that's fine. You could do whatever you want, but I will go to a neighbor's and I will call the police and have you arrested? And I had the bruises to prove it.

KATHLEEN: Now, this is... A long time in coming and understanding this, and I have seen this at various segments, because you have to be emotionally ready when you see the turning point of your life. And that was a very strong turning point in my life. Well, that anger and that rage, because it wasn't anger, it was rage. I felt rage.

KATHLEEN: And that's a totally different animal than anger. And it was on a cellular level. So when those emotions came up, it was. Also a cellular release on that. And then the tone of my voice changed. I was calmer. The tsunami went away.

KATHLEEN: And it was amazing because everybody could hear the change in my voice, that there wasn't that edge on my voice anymore from the rage that I had experienced. I came to realize that this was very sacred, it wasn't a setback because part of you wants to think, oh my God, I'm having to relive this.

KATHLEEN: And you can create a whole new set of stories around it. But this wasn't that. To me, this was what was starting to set me free, was that I owned something. That traumatized me to a degree that I did not know. This is where my suicidal tendencies came from. This is why I didn't want to live anymore. This is why I was attempting to commit suicide.

KATHLEEN: Everything in my life changed at that moment because I was a happy-go-lucky little girl. My uncle told me that I used to come in when we'd go visit our relatives. That I would run up to everyone and wrap my body around them and just love on them like crazy. I was their favorite. And he's telling me this like 10, 15 years ago. I'm like, what? Who are you talking about? I did not know that little girl.

KATHLEEN: And that little girl is coming back into my life. Yes, this was a journey to come back to her. And so I'm inviting all of you to honor that part of your journey, the most painful part. Of what changed because everyone has a turning point in their life that changed the trajectory of their life. And it's not that it's a good thing or a bad thing.

KATHLEEN: It's what you chose for your waking up process. Because I carried this anger about my father and my mother for eons. I carried resentments and I did not forgive them for the longest time. And those were part of what was holding me back as well. But when I started understanding the bigger picture behind this and that I generated this and I created it. It was a freeing moment.

KATHLEEN: So some of the tools that you can help that can help you navigate through this space is just be silent and listen to your soul's whispers. So when I said that I was in isolation, pretty much in Chicago, I was in a 600 square foot apartment and I barely ever left because when I left, I was lost. I always felt lost in Elgin.

KATHLEEN: Them white Illinois, always. I never knew where I was. I was constantly lost. I'd rather stay in my apartment than go out and experience that. And I understand, probably nine months later, I think I found out why, because it was an Indian community and they were slaughtered. And so I was picking up on all of that in that area.

KATHLEEN: I was journaling every single day. The books were my daily journals. And if you don't want to write about that, something you can do is, who am I becoming and what parts of me feel outdated?

KATHLEEN: But because I was living in the moment, I was having experiences, I was questioning what was happening. I just naturally wrote that. And a lot of times Spirit came in and channeled some of the answers to help me get a little bit more clarity.

KATHLEEN: They had nature preserves in Illinois because there's no mountains, there's no water. Well, there is... Lake. I don't know. I can't remember the Great Lake out there, but that's in downtown. So I would go to the nature preserves every now and then to the, I can't remember the word right now.

KATHLEEN: I would go to these locations where trees were and I would hug trees and I would walk through them and they would have all these different gardens where it could be the Japanese section or it could be another country. It was just really a cool place to go to these areas. I also grounded when I was hugging the trees. I felt like it was pulling some of that darkness out of me.

KATHLEEN: And it felt good to get rid of it.

KATHLEEN: I just wanted to just change and get rid of this stuff. I did a lot of breathing, too. I mean, deep breathing is going to help get those, you know, change the... Get the endorphins moving in your brain, movement, dance, things like that.

KATHLEEN: I would do lots of little things just to move the energy because I didn't want it to stay stuck in my body because a lot of times we just let it stay stuck. And it's movement, it's breath, it's yoga, it's walking, it's riding a bike, it's whatever it is. Move to get it out because you need to release all of that.

KATHLEEN: And of course, always. Ask for guidance. If it's your Spirit, your higher self, God, your angels, whatever it is that you align with, mentors, anything, because it's slowing down. You need to slow down and listen to what's coming in and not force the answers.

KATHLEEN: I think when I was slowing down is when I started seeing what was happening around me. There was always something happening around me. I was never bored. Now, I was living in a vortex. I will give you that. I was living in a vortex.

KATHLEEN: I didn't know it at the beginning, but I knew it. And... I always knew when the door opened because, you know, the cable went crazy. My phone went crazy. You couldn't hear. It was the, can you hear me now thing.

KATHLEEN: My cats let me know things were going on in that place. I mean, there were so many things going on that I didn't understand. But see, I was also stepping into a higher vibrational frequency. And that's what happens when you start. In this waking up process because you're actually raising your vibration. This is Grace.

KATHLEEN: So as we're elevating, going up the ladder, the rungs of the ladder, we don't know who we are. We don't know. It's not logical. It's emotional. And that's the one thing people don't realize is that you feel your way through higher vibrations. You don't think about them. You can't talk about them. You don't know what's going on.

KATHLEEN: I'm going through all of this right now. I mean, since my birthday, I've had for three solid weeks, I was running a hundred miles an hour. And, and then I decided, okay, something I know I have to work on my digestive. I started changing my diet where I was telling you I'm doing this Mediterranean diet kind of thing.

KATHLEEN: Well, yesterday I decided, I think I went off for about two days and yesterday I decided I was going to have some chocolate. I had nachos with cheese sauce and I had a glass of wine. I woke up at 2.30-3 o'clock this morning. I couldn't breathe. I was congested and my stomach was a mess.

KATHLEEN: Okay, you know what I got from that? Okay, this was not a smart idea and I'm not doing that because I was feeling so much better before I did that. But I just, and it wasn't that I wanted to collapse. I was doing a test on myself because I feel like I'm in a higher vibrational frequency and my body's doing its thing because I'm trying to get my body and digestion is assimilating knowledge.

KATHLEEN: And if I'm in a higher vibration and I'm down here and my body's out of whack, I'm not assimilating. That's why the digestion. So that's why I went there. And that's an intuitive thing that came in is look at your digestive and see what's going on.

KATHLEEN: So this high protein, high fat diet was way better than carbs. And I do very little dairy anyways, so it's minimal. But the Mediterranean diet I discovered has a little bit of carbs, and I need that little bit of carbs because when I'm just starving, I'm sorry, it's Felix throwing stuff off the table.

KATHLEEN: When you're eating protein, only protein, and you're starving, It takes a while for the proteins to start coming in. I discovered that I need a little bit of carbs to get that over the hump and then I'm good. This is how I'm learning more about me. This is about me getting more into alignment.

KATHLEEN: I also discovered that the places that I went to, the hosts are my people. Their communities are not my people. And so I started realizing how out of alignment I am. And then. Like, well, where do I belong and how do I find my way through things? I'm taking everything to a deeper level. Now I'm quiet. I'm asking, I'm breathing and I'm listening.

KATHLEEN: And then I see things coming towards me. And as things are coming towards me, I'm starting to get a little bit more clarity into what's going on.

KATHLEEN: And so in that place, I start feeling better because I'm present. So I'm not going through all the head trash. I'm going through a totally different elevation of living into a higher frequency. And that's part of what happens in your spiritual awakening is you are living in two worlds right now.

KATHLEEN: You're in the 3D world and you're in a higher fourth or fifth vibrational frequency that you don't understand. So that's why the emotions and clearing your emotions out is so critical. And with that, we're going to go ahead and take a quick commercial break.

KATHLEEN: Welcome back everyone to the Journey of an Awakening Spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan, your host, and we're streaming on the Bold Brave TV Network. So in this process of unbecoming, we are creating the space to remember who you truly are.

KATHLEEN: I invite you to slow down and listen for the answers that are coming your way instead of forcing them. I know in our crazy hectic world. It's really hard to slow down. It's hard to want to be with yourself because your mind is racing.

KATHLEEN: But if you write and you create that stillness and you create that space and you create the space to look at what's coming up instead of stuffing it, because I promise you one thing, that when it's your time to wake up, you will. And if you choose to ignore it, you're going to get that gentle tap on your shoulder.

KATHLEEN: And then you're going to get the two by four. And then you're going to get the four by eight. And then you're going to get flattened by the eight by 16. And when that one lands on you, you have no choice but to face yourself.

KATHLEEN: I'm inviting you that these are the steps to take. I think I have only allowed a four by eight by 16 to hit me once. I never did it again because getting back up was almost impossible. I'm inviting you to do this for yourself. And you can always reach out to me. If you are going through any of this, you can always reach out to me at bravetv at kathleenmflanagan.com.

KATHLEEN: I will be more than happy to help you navigate through this because it's hard to do this alone. I did this alone. I had people around me, but on a whole, they didn't have the answers. Only I had the answers. And they were still in where they were. They were in their nine to five and in the crazy chaotic.

KATHLEEN: World of Chicago because Chicago's life, the, oh God, I can't believe I can't think about it because I'm not on 3D world right now, that the way that they worked, I mean, they had like 15, 16 hour days. It was like two hours to work, two hours home.

KATHLEEN: They're up and at the office by five and they get home about seven, eight o'clock at night and go to bed and start all over. And then it was, they called it school nights and weird stuff. That just freaked me out because I wasn't used to that kind of a life. But I understood it because I used to live on the East Coast. I knew what that life was. I just don't have it anymore, thank God.

KATHLEEN: Some of the things that you can ask yourself is what beliefs or identities are falling away in your life right now? Because I'm sure something is falling away. Because if it wasn't, you wouldn't be listening to the show right now. And can you see the beauty in not knowing who you are right now.

KATHLEEN: That's a tough one, but that's where Grace comes in for yourself. That's where love for you comes in and just being gentle with the process because it will pass. Everything in our life ebbs and flows and just being in that place where you can just allow the beauty to come in. And that's what I did. That's why I went to the ab...

KATHLEEN: Never mind, I can't say the word. That's why I would go to the forest preserves in Illinois at times, was because I needed to do that. Or I would go to Gurney, Illinois, or I'd go to Wisconsin because I needed to get away from where I was. And these were different places.

KATHLEEN: The energies were different. I was with people and having friends and having communication. And that's how I was able to navigate through part of this journey.

KATHLEEN: It was when I came back to Colorado when I was really alone, because that's when I went into the deep rooted stuff, you know, with my mother dying, with what happened with my family, with the hopelessness, all of that was up in my face and I had to find, but that was the part that catapulted me. To wake up and remember who I was that I needed because those were all so critical elements of my waking up process.

KATHLEEN: And just know that you are in the right place at the right time. This is exactly where you need to be. And even though it may suck to be you because it sucked to be me when I was in it, I just knew that if I was supposed to be someplace else, I would have been. I needed to be in this growth process.

KATHLEEN: And on the other side of this growth process is where that freedom comes in, where once you're on the other side, it's never going to be that bad again. Because I've been in, I've gone down in the tubes a little bit, nothing like what I went through because I had to face me.

KATHLEEN: And this isn't the end. It's just a transformational unfolding. And if you can start... Looking at what's happening in your life, that there's something better coming in for you.

KATHLEEN: And that's what I use, that I knew that I was stepping into something bigger and more magnificent. I didn't know what that was at the time, but I just believed with all of my heart that this ugly work that I was doing on myself had to have some sort of purpose and meaning, and it did, and it does. I found my voice. I'm here talking to you about the hard stuff that nobody ever wants to talk about.

KATHLEEN: I am that person. I don't do fluff and buff ever.

KATHLEEN: I don't believe in fluff and buff because fluff and buff doesn't work. So, and I was talking to my coach today, we just did a catch-up call and I mean, he's having exciting things happen. I'm having exciting things happen. And we're both in this quiet pause place, so to speak.

KATHLEEN: Like we're allowing things to come in and we're allowing, we're getting things done where we're getting ready to take off and catapult to that next chapter in our lives. And what was so cool about talking with him was that we, aside from being in the same place, realizing that I'm not doing all that nasty head trash anymore. Like it's okay. Like I'm comfortable. Being in this place.

KATHLEEN: And yes, I want to make things happen that, I mean, that'll never go away fully, but I'm not doing it. You know, like when I started this Mediterranean diet, I spent the last three weeks knowing that whatever I'm purging, I'm releasing more gunk out of my body, which are old thought forms and knowing that this isn't easy and it's challenging.

KATHLEEN: I also realize that what... I'm getting my body ready for that next higher vibrational frequency that I'm going into. And then I also started realizing that where other areas of being out of alignment that I'm in, and my body is one of them because it's a body, mind, Spirit connection. So the body wasn't coming along like me and my Spirit are way up here and my body's still down here.

KATHLEEN: I had run into a woman when I was in Kansas. And she was really frustrated because her body was in, she's like, I walk like an old person and she was not very old. And she's just really upset and freaked out. I knew there was a message coming in. I just couldn't, the room was so loud.

KATHLEEN: When I got into bed and I found her the next day, I told her, I said, your body's trying to catch up. That's what my body's doing now. It's trying to catch up. Now I'm not disabled and I'm not anything.

KATHLEEN: I'm just not in a happy place. Like the inside feels good, but the outside doesn't feel good because I'm noticing changes that I'm not used to. I'm unfamiliar with the changes and it's okay.

KATHLEEN: That's why I did what I did by eating that bad food yesterday. I enjoyed it. I suffered for it and paid for it today. I'm not going to do it again.

KATHLEEN: But we test our boundaries. And I know that there's a higher place that I'm going and that I want to be in. And so when I was talking to Joey, I was telling him, I said, I just know that I'm just trying to find me. And as a result of this, I'm going to create a community. I've already got the name. I'm going to call it The Light. I think it's called that. What am I calling it?

KATHLEEN: Well, I'll tell you about it. I know I have it written down. I think it's the Light circle is what I'm going to call it, where I'm going to bring people in that they have that safe environment that they can talk about the hard things that we don't talk about. You know, it's one thing when you first start your journey and I don't work with those people.

KATHLEEN: I don't choose to because they would make me crazy. I know that about myself. And thank God I know that about myself. I want to work with the people that are moving that get stuck or they're at that pivotal point of where The trauma is so great that they can't get through it and they need somebody there to help them who has navigated this.

KATHLEEN: Those are the people that I want to work with. And that's what we were talking about is the only way for me to find those people. Because I've been asking, how do I find them? How do I find them? How do I find them? Because I was invisible. I wasn't going to let anybody know that I was suffering in silence. I wasn't going to let anybody know anything because you're going to hurt me.

KATHLEEN: I don't trust you. The world is unsafe. And so I realized that when Spirit dropped the bomb of a community and I went, whoa, I don't think so. Because now we're getting back into that touchy feely place and it's uncomfortable. And then I realized, okay, then this means I need to do this. Because whenever I have that feeling of, oh, whoa, I don't think so.

KATHLEEN: I know that that means I need to do it. And so I feel good about it because I realize that the community that I'm going to create is not going to be like these communities that were on Facebook and they throw you off because you're being who you are and they don't like it because you're calling them out or they're not who they say they are.

KATHLEEN: So they get rid of you and then your feelings are hurt and then you think something's wrong with you. That's not what I'm creating. I'm creating a place where people can come together and gather. And I talked to some of my people. And said, this is what I'm thinking of doing. Would you be interested? And they're like, oh, yeah. So I'm in the process of researching that right now.

KATHLEEN: I can create that place where people can connect and feel safe and be heard and not have all that icky stuff so they can step into who we are because I'm not like most people. And I'm really owning that part of myself right now that I am not most people. I'm here for a very specific reason, and the reason is to talk about the hard, ugly stuff with sexual abuse and domestic violence and rape and whatever else that goes on.

KATHLEEN: All those ugly, horrible things that people never want to talk about that we carry as shame when it was done to us and we carry it as shame. That it's time to release that. I'm willing to go. Into those depths. Because most people don't want to do that because it's hard work.

KATHLEEN: But that's where the freedom comes in when somebody's there who can help navigate you out of it, who can bring you back into wholeness.

KATHLEEN: And you were never broken. You were always whole, but you don't think you're whole. You thought you were broken. And so that's what I want to do for people. And that's why I'm creating the community. And that's why This podcast is shifting. As you saw the banner, the opener is going to be changing as well.

KATHLEEN: I'm changing everything to get more into alignment with me so you can find me and we can start working together to help support each other going into the next phase of this planetary evolution. And with that, we're going to take a quick commercial break.

KATHLEEN: Welcome back, everyone, to the Journey of an Awakening Spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan, your host, and we're streaming on the Bold Brave TV Network. That was a surprise. I want to just really embrace that dark side, no matter what, it's still your life and you get to have a say so. You get to decide how long it's going to take. But have people around you that have been there who can help navigate you.

KATHLEEN: Because I'm talking to a friend of mine. And she's going through like very similar. There's a lot of people going through this right now. So that's why I'm talking about this as well. And she's realizing a lot of things, finding answers, coming out, finding out where she is, realizing that she's going to be bringing some pretty incredible stuff to market as well. And she's writing a book around it and she's in the process.

KATHLEEN: And she's like, I know I'm in this right now because I have to teach people how to come out on the other side of it. I was like, exactly. That's what my books were. I went through it. And I remember somebody asking me one time, why did it take you 20 years before you came out? I said, because I had to understand every step of the way of coming back to the Light, coming back from the darkness within me.

KATHLEEN: I didn't feel bad about it. I didn't feel anything because I was finding my way. Because when you forget who you are and you come back into a place of remembrance, it's like, who am I? What do I think? How do I feel? I was a baby. That's what happens when you come back into the true essence of you. You're like this little baby all over again, learning how to walk and talk.

KATHLEEN: I had to be very gentle. I was. I was still working. I could function fine. But that emotional side of me that, who am I? What do I think? How do I feel? Do I like what I'm doing? Do I not like what I'm doing? And I was trying a lot of things on at the same time to find my way back.

KATHLEEN: And that's exactly what's going on and be happening with you too, is you're going to find that. But that's what's exciting because then you start finding your value. You find your voice. You have boundaries. You demand respect from people. And all those people you admire, like the Tony Robbins of the world, if you admire people like that, that's what they went through.

KATHLEEN: This is what Buddha went through or Jesus went through or Krishna went through. They're still human. You still have to deal with your humanness, but you have a remembrance of who you are. And that's what's really powerful. And I'm going to invite all of you that I'm going to give you that free de-stress meditation.

KATHLEEN: I talk about this all the time to you guys, but this is a perfect way to bring your vibration up and it's going to help release a lot of that stuff that's on a cellular level. Without necessarily having to re- member or talk about it or experience it. Allow it to go because sometimes when you're going through this, there's going to be a lot of things releasing that you don't know.

KATHLEEN: So let it go. Don't put any energy on it. Just let it go. And this de-stress meditation is huge because that vibrational frequency, because we have the music of the spheres, we are vibrational people. And those vibrations are designed to get you back into alignment so you can release that stuff.

KATHLEEN: And move forward faster. And it does work because they had me do that when my mother died, had me get in the tub and then told me what to do, which I did. And then I rang the fork, put it in the water and my whole brain just went like everything, all the neurotransmitters were reconnecting. It was powerful. It was freaky, but it was powerful.

KATHLEEN: Sound works. I invite you to do that. When I get the community up, the circle of Light, I will definitely be putting that in the show comments as well for people to join the community. This is Felix.

KATHLEEN: I want you to be able to move into that part as well, because if you feel like you need a place to go where you feel safe and protected and nobody's going to shame you or anything, this is going to be that community. I will definitely let you know when that is ready and set up.

KATHLEEN: And next week, I'm going to talk about the hidden gifts of the void, reclaiming your joy after the breakdown. Because that is going to be, I have like four weeks I'm going to do on all of this part of this waking up process because you are not lost and you are in the sacred space between who you were and who you are becoming. So keep going. You are awakening.

KATHLEEN: Well, that concludes the show for the day. And if this conversation moved you, please review or share the episode with your soul sister or brother who needs to hear this message because together we rise. And if today's episode touched you, touched something new in you, and if you're craving real transformation and want guidance on becoming your authentic self, then reach out to me directly at bravetv at kathleenmflanagan.com.

KATHLEEN: And you can also explore my award-winning you and number one bestselling Dancing Souls trilogy, The Call, The Dark Night of the Soul, and Awakened. And they're available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and at kathleenmflanagan.com. And while you're there, be sure to explore my full list of services and healing tools. And as a gift, again, I invite you to download the free de-stress meditation. There's no email required.

KATHLEEN: And this will help keep you grounded. And will help you to breathe. And until next Tuesday at 4 p. m. Eastern Standard Time, and from my heart to yours, make it a so-filled, fabulous week. Take care and stay in the Light.