How to End Generational Trauma and Protect Our Kids

KATHLEEN: Welcome Jeanell.

JEANELL: Thank you so great to be here, Kathleen.

KATHLEEN: It's so good to see you. So why don't you tell our listeners a little bit about your journey of becoming an awakening spirit?

JEANELL: Absolutely. Well, you know, I think like a lot of people, there have been very distinct times in your life. Right? Or in my life that we think we're going in one direction and we anticipate that's the road that we're about to go. And all of a sudden something within us just starts to rumble.

JEANELL: The first one I would say is around the time I turned 40. I was working in sales. I have 20 years of sales experience. I was winning trips. I had just come back from a free trip to Rome where I accepted an award. I got to bring my husband and it was just the most incredible trip. And the year before that I got to go to Rome, sorry to Bermuda.

JEANELL: But coming back, I thought like a lot of people when I get this thing that I'm aiming towards and I win that I'll be happy now I'll feel worthy. Now I'll prove myself.

JEANELL: And so, coming back from that trip, it felt like I didn't, there was still something missing and I really started to look within like, what is this rumbling in my soul that tells me that I'm supposed to be in another path.

JEANELL: And the best way I can describe it is I kind of felt like I was on this speed train, you know, those speed trains in Europe, I remember going from Rome to Florence and we're on the speed train going out. Like, It was like 600 kilometers an hour. It was insane.

JEANELL: Anyway, it kind of was this experience of being on this train and it was like first class and then all of a sudden I woke up and was like, where am I going? And do I even want to go there? And then I had this instinct to jump off and here I am in the middle of nowhere trying to figure out which way to go.

JEANELL: But I just had this compelling sensation to jump. And so that's what I did. I quit my job because cold turkey. And this was five days after I came home from Rome.

JEANELL: So you can imagine what my manager was like when I told him I'm quitting, but I just knew I didn't exactly know what the next phase of my life was going to be. I just didn't know, I just knew that this wasn't it. I was turning 40. And when I think about the first half of my life, it was extraordinary.

JEANELL: I'm a professional singer. I was a competitive dancer. I did Royal Conservatory Of Music and piano. So I have lived a very accomplished life. I've sang in front of Maya Angelou. I got to meet her when I was five.

JEANELL: Yeah. When I was five, I met the queen of England and I have a photo with her.

JEANELL: Yeah, if I can even show you, I have a photo of her when I was five.

JEANELL: I've lived this really extraordinary life but when I look back, I'm like, it was all about me, me, me, me, me And so I felt like the second half of my life was meant to be something greater than myself. And so when I really did the digging, what I saw is that I wanted to impact millions of lives.

JEANELL: So that when I get to those pearly gates of heaven, and Saint Peter says to me, Jeanell, what did you do with your life? I wasn't gonna say, well, I sold a bunch of software and I got to travel and I had a nice car. I could really say the world was a better place because of me.

JEANELL: And so my story is why I do what I do.

JEANELL: When I was nine years old, I was a daddy's girl. My parents had an extraordinary marriage, they did everything together, they went to church together, they danced together. We always had people in our house partying, we're Filipino, so we're very social beings.

JEANELL: They even had a business together and then when I was nine, I found out that my dad cheated on my mom with my mom's best friend who lived in our basement and he got her pregnant.

JEANELL: Oh, my God.

KATHLEEN: Oh, my God.

JEANELL: Yeah. And she lived with us for like, five years. She, my mom even threw her parties. Like she was my mom's little sister and our aunt and then finding out that she had been pursuing my dad for quite a while and got him at a weak moment. And so my mom kicked him out.

JEANELL: So for the next three years, I felt very unsafe, very unsure about life, like a lot of kids whose parents split up. But you know what I discovered in doing the work in my twenties was that little girl made three decisions that day and this is where the trauma began and she decided that she was unlovable that she couldn't trust anybody and that everybody she loves will leave her so fast forward here.

JEANELL: I am in different relationships, dating men that I should not be dating, the ones that I knew would break my heart. But there was just something appealing about that. And in doing the work, what I realized was that if I knew that they were going to leave, why would I choose a great guy because they're going to leave anyway.

JEANELL: And so that kind of led into my first marriage where, if I'm really honest about it. It was more about not being alone. I was getting a lot of pressure from my family to get married.

JEANELL: Like by the time you're 15 you start, they start to have this conversation about getting you ready to create your own family in the Philippine culture. And so there was a lot of pressure and I think I went into that marriage more about being the fear of actually being alone and single and what that means in society and in my culture versus actually choosing someone that was good for me.

JEANELL: And so that's kind of how my journey began. And so I really had to do the healing and forgiving myself and then forgiving my dad and forgiving my ex-husband. And then, all of that just really grappling with all those trust issues and unworthiness and all that.

JEANELL: And then once I did the work and I completed that, that marriage powerfully, I started to create, OK, so if I was standing in abundance and worthiness and love, who would I want to attract?

JEANELL: And I sat down one day and I wrote it all out, I felt it. I manifested it. And three months later, I met my husband, Mike, who I've been with now for 18 years and he is my gift from God. He is the perfect partner. And I really strive to be the woman that he thinks I am.

KATHLEEN: I got my last book published and I was told by spirit that I had to reread my books. And it's a lot about men and my attitudes of what my childhood trauma was and the men that I brought in. And there was one part where the psychic came in.

KATHLEEN: And she said, well, you attracted all these dysfunctional men because you figured you would heal. If you could help them heal, it would heal you. And now where I was at the time of the reading, she said, when you see those men, you're running in the opposite direction because you know that that's not going to do it. You need to heal you.

KATHLEEN: And because of that, and it was before that, but I realized that the man that I wanted, he's in my life and I met him in Chicago when I went out there and moved out there and it just took us eight years to get together but the whole thing talks about women and our attitudes about men and how we give up our power and how we should be subservient.

KATHLEEN: And if they are abusing us, it's ok, because society says that and it's like, no ladies, no, we don't do that. And I had to learn to find my voice and establish boundaries. And through the book, I show the dialogue going on with me and some of the various men that were in my life during this period.

KATHLEEN: But they were brought in for me to wake up and see, you know what I mean? Because spirit has a way of bringing that into us. So I just thought it was rather interesting when you said that because what was I doing?

KATHLEEN: I was working through my childhood traumas as well and I was looking at the post traumatic and that I disassociated and all these things which I know you talk about. But these were all things that happened because of the abuses that I received from both my mother and my father. So, I didn't even really understand my mother's side until she passed.

KATHLEEN: And then I saw like the whole thing of what my mother's role was in all of this as well. So I think it's rather interesting because, and then the other thing that this is really cool is I was at a seminar last week and I went into the womb of when I created that paradigm of not being lovable.

KATHLEEN: And that was an experience to remember that because it was like my whole life followed that thought pattern and seeing how we develop, sometimes we develop things in the womb like I did because my mother was worried about money. And so I took it, she doesn't love me, she doesn't want me.

KATHLEEN: And my whole life with my mother has been that and that was the truth of my mother. She didn't want me and she didn't love me. She wouldn't admit it. But it's the truth of it because it all showed up in her death.

KATHLEEN: I want the next segment for you to tell us about what you do, how you got there. You know what you would say to somebody who has issues like me that were coming in to try to make sure that a relationship is healthy because I think that's what's important of how you manifested, what you did to create that.

KATHLEEN: And I think those are valuable tools for our listeners to learn a little bit about. So they get to know you a little better in case they need your help.

KATHLEEN: We have Jeanell Greene in the room with us and we ended with my little personal childhood trauma and what she went through and she briefly mentioned that she did some certain steps to get to where she is today So Jeanell, if you would elaborate on that, I think our listeners would really enjoy that.

JEANELL: Absolutely. So I think the first step is for us to first be aware of it, right? Because if we don't know that we're aware that this is happening, how can we change that?

JEANELL: And so first, what I realized was I needed to get responsible, I needed to get and this is more towards my divorce. So I'm just going to talk about that because that's what really started all of this. I done this course and, and I brought my husband with me at the time and I said, you need to be fixed because there's something wrong with you.

JEANELL: And it was a weekend course and in the course he pretty much slept through the whole thing like he was totally checked out. But, I was on the edge of my seat and, they talked about this thing called responsibility, not from a place of blame, fault or obligation, but really from a place of the ability to respond.

JEANELL: And when you're empowered, you can take action. But when you have it that it's someone else's fault, it's not you, there's nothing you can do about it. You have no power. And I remember them talking about this and I was furious. I'm like, what do you mean? It's my fault. He's the one who's not being a good husband.

JEANELL: But what I really discovered was I did not like a lot of couples and people did not take the time to have the hard conversations about what I expect. Because I had a very specific expectation. I didn't know it at the time, but I had a very specific expectation of what a marriage looked like to me.

JEANELL: And it was basically what I saw from my parents and I wanted someone who did everything with me who went to church with me, who could really just be fit in really well into my family. And what I discovered was that his upbringing was very different. He grew up with a mom who stayed at home, never worked a day in her life and a father who went off to work.

JEANELL: So it was that very traditional, patriarchal kind of set up and that was not me. I was a businesswoman. I didn't know how to cook, cleaning. Yeah, I paid people to do that for me. And so we had very different expectations of what this relationship was. And so I saw myself blaming him, being kind of mean, trying to change him and quote unquote, fix him.

JEANELL: So when I realized when I saw what I was doing, I was able to go to him and say, hey, you know what, I got to apologize to you for the way of being and you know what you're great the way you are. It just doesn't work for me. And so I wasn't making him wrong. I was just saying, listen, what I want and what you want are totally different. And that's ok. So let's just not be married?

KATHLEEN: I'm sorry. How long were you married? How long were you married?

JEANELL: We were together for just over five. We were married for about 2.5 and honestly, eight.

KATHLEEN: And a how years for you to realize all this.

JEANELL: Honestly, I knew the week after we came home from our honeymoon to be honest, it was like, yeah, he was one of those people like, ok, you're my wife now. So I don't have to put effort. I don't need to shower. I don't need to go to church. Yeah, it was so bizarre.

JEANELL: And I'm always like, wait a second, this is not what I signed up for. So I was shocked, I was confused. I felt duped and I was angry, right? But I had to really take responsibility for that. We completed that relationship powerfully. And so I was able to sit down, not jaded and be like, ok, that went the way it went.

JEANELL: So what do I want to create now? First of all, I got clear about what was in my way, what were the thoughts, the feelings that were in the way that had me feel like I was unlovable or I couldn't find the person that I wanted.

JEANELL: I had this thought like, what I wanted was too much. It was too high of an expectation that it was unrealistic and that if I held on to this, that I would never find anybody that could fit these criteria. And I got to tell you, Kathleen, my husband is that times 100.

KATHLEEN: But I had, I believe in that. I believe in that.

JEANELL: Yeah. But I had to first get real with myself and feel whatever it was within me that had me say that's not possible.

JEANELL: Right.

KATHLEEN: Yeah. It's all about your mindset.

JEANELL: Absolutely. Absolutely. So, I think it's, it's a combination of awareness. I think it's a combination of getting, first of all creating what it is that you want. One of the biggest things I notice when I do consults is that if I ask a client, what's wrong, what are the challenges they can talk for days and days about what's not working. But then I flip it over and I say, ok, so what is it that you want?

JEANELL: They look at me like I have three heads because they're, I have never even thought about it. So it's like, of course, how can you be happy when you don't even know what happiness looks like or feels like? Yeah. So it's going back to what I said in the first, part of this is that I had to sit down and get clear about who is the kind of person that I wanted to manifest.

JEANELL: What does he do? What does a day in a life look like? And I really imagined it. I'm gonna be really honest. I'm gonna share something very personal. I had a, this fantasy of marrying a rock star because I'm a singer. I'm a singer, I'm a musician. So it's like it would be so cool to marry another musician who we could just vibe off and have this amazing romantic musical love affair.

JEANELL: And guess what? My husband is in a Pink Floyd band. He's in a rage against the band. He plays, he plays nightclubs a couple times a month and we have, he's got his own music studio downstairs, at church every Sunday I sing, he plays, we live stream like we have this amazing partnership and on every level it's amazing. But that was something that I had written down.

KATHLEEN: I love it. I love it. I know I had when I bought my house, my realtor said you'll be lucky if you get 80% of you want whatever you're asking for. Because of the way the market was in Denver at the time, I just looked at him and I said I will get 100% and more from what I want because I believe that much in what I want.

KATHLEEN: And I did just like you just like you and my partner is, he's like everything that I've ever wanted. We are so connected on so many various levels there's that calmness about us, it's like we just seem to fit and that's such a cool feeling when you feel like you're wearing these comfortable pair of socks, so to speak, because I feel secure.

KATHLEEN: I feel safe. I feel loved. All the things that I didn't feel through my life, I feel with him. So when he's out in the garage working, it's like I miss you and he's like, what's wrong with you? And I'm like, but I miss you because I just love that energy. I really know where you're at and I love it.

JEANELL: What's so beautiful too? Is that a couple of things? First of all, his parents are similar to my parents. So in love, so sweet, so respectful, I can see, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. So that was really great.

JEANELL: And, and in hindsight, my ex-husband, when I first met his parents, there was like red flags everywhere, but I kind of just ignored it, but I was like, who are these people? They're so not my people. I just like a lot of people, I didn't listen to my intuition and I was like, oh, it's just, you know, it's nothing. Right.

JEANELL: But I think that what we have is extraordinary. Like we were watching a movie last night and there's these movies that we watch over and over again, you know, those, like the favorites. Top Gun is one of them. I'm pretty sure we've watched that movie like 40 times.

JEANELL: But there was this point where I noticed something that I had never noticed in the movie before and just before I could point it out, he says it and he's like, hey, I never, and I was like, oh my gosh, I was just thinking that. And so we have this little chuckle and so we like, talking about synchronicity. Like that's how we are as well.

JEANELL: It's like we can read each other's minds. And the thing I love about us is that our marriage feels easy, but we do the work every single day to nurture it, but it feels easy. It doesn't. And so I think that's one of the things I tell couples is marriage doesn't have to be hard, but it does take work and it takes patience and humility and understanding.

JEANELL: And I think a lot of us were never taught these things based on how we grew up. So a lot of my clients come from divorced parents. So they never got to see anything other than fighting and, domination and, numbing out and that passive aggressive behaviors.

JEANELL: And so they wanna know, they just need a mentor, they just need someone to say, how do we stop doing this thing that we keep doing to each other and stop hurting each other? And more importantly, how do we be the better role models for our children so that they don't repeat the bad behaviors that we're creating here.

KATHLEEN: So when you left, when you got off, the train came back from Rome and told your boss, I was leaving, it seems logical that this would be where you went. But what happened, what was in your thinking when this came about?

KATHLEEN: Because from what you described your life to be and what your marriage is, this doesn't make sense. But yet it makes sense to me because I see how you are. But what made that transition that this was your calling?

JEANELL: Well, I think first just getting that restlessness where my first it started like a rumble and then it became like a cry. Like I could feel my soul crying and in sales, especially in software sales, you kind of have to turn off a part of you to do the job, especially at the level at which I was competing at.

JEANELL: And I just noticed myself feeling really inauthentic, like only 5% of me was coming to work. I did really well at my job, but I was kind of an autopilot and I don't know if you've noticed I'm a bit of an overachiever so I get bored really easily. And I was looking for another challenge and I asked myself, ok, if this job is 5% of Jeanell, what would 100% Jeanell look like?

JEANELL: Like what would be a job that when I woke up in the morning? I felt so purposeful, so authentically, me and I did something that only Jeanell could give to the world.

JEANELL: And so I hired a coach and I decided like, wow, this thing, coaching is pretty amazing. And then it was like, ok, well, what do I want to coach on? And, I was listening to a podcast and she said, well, what is it that people want to know from you? What are the questions that people just naturally ask you?

JEANELL: And I thought to myself, well, that's easy. People want to know about me and Mike, like, how do you guys stay so playful, so connected so into each other after so long. And I'm like, that's what I want to talk about. And I also see, to be honest, that is the missing I see in the world, I see generations of people who no longer value marriage, no longer value family because of their upbringing.

JEANELL: I have clients who tell me their children say I never wanna get married. I never wanna have kids at the age of 10 and so I see that there is all the experiences that I've been through in life. Sometimes we sit and go. Lord, why did this happen to me?

JEANELL: Why did I get molested? Why did I get bullied? Why did my dad leave? All these painful things that happen in our lives and sitting where I'm sitting now I get it because now I can be that space for people and not just say, oh, yeah, I understand. I understand. No, no, no, no, I understand.

JEANELL: I've been there, I got the T shirt, I got the socks, I got it all. And so I think that at the end of the day is what my clients are looking for is to feel heard, to feel understood, to feel that they're not alone and that what they're going through is actually pretty normal and that there's hope to get on the other side of it.

JEANELL: And it doesn't have to take years and years and hundreds of hours of therapy to get there like it can happen in an instant. And I work with a lot of infidelity clients and people who are really at the edge of the bridge. Yeah, at the brink of their whole lives exploding and taking their kids with them. So I just love my work so much.

KATHLEEN: Well, I think the main thing is the approach because, therapy doesn't work in my opinion because it's, the husband and the wife are just bitching at each, at each other. That's all they're doing it's a complaint with somebody to listen.

KATHLEEN: And then the therapist of all the people I've ever heard in therapy, they pick a side, they're not supposed to, but they pick a side. Ok? And that's the truth of it. So I think the way the approach that you're doing with taking personal responsibility and gets the blame off of that person and you're forced to look at yourself if you really want to save your marriage, that's what you have to do.

KATHLEEN: Because the one thing when I was in this seminar last week, the one thing he kept saying over and over and I really took this one to heart is your life. What calls you in your life to find the purpose in your life is look at your life and see what follows you throughout your life. And what's mine.

KATHLEEN: I'm not lovable. I'm unworthy. I'm undeserving. And that has been my whole life and my whole life. I have been streaming to find my, well, my worth, my value that I'm lovable. I read my books. Ok? And of course, there's channels, there's a lot channeled in there with from spirit.

KATHLEEN: And it was the same thing that was the message that's why they told me to reread your books because I'm gonna start, I'm shifting my coaching to more of that to help the traumas of the heart. Because if we don't open our heart, we don't let love in. And that's what's so cool about you is that you had to open your heart. You had to get.

KATHLEEN: Yes, I had this and I shut myself down, but I had to open my heart because if you don't open your heart, you would never have the life that you have today. And that's what I wanna do is what is it gonna take to open that heart? And I know I have tools they told me I know how to do it. I'm not quite sure I know how exactly I'm doing it yet, but I do have tools to know how to do it.

KATHLEEN: And the main thing is just being heard, we need to be heard and we have to love like we've never loved before, even though we've been hurt because take the perspective around a broken heart that you just opened your heart to be bigger to allow more in and change that thinking.

JEANELL: So, yeah, I think that, our society is so gung ho about protecting ourselves and being safe and putting up the walls so you don't get hurt and it's all fear based, right? And I get it like, of course we wanna feel safe. Of course, we don't wanna get hurt.

JEANELL: But there is a cost and the cost is aliveness is connectedness is vulnerability is compassion, is forgiveness. All the things that we say, we want, all of us want to be happy, all of us want to feel peace, all of us want to feel connected, but all the things that we're doing kills off all of that.

JEANELL: And so I think this is why a coach is so important is that you need to be able to get out of your comfort zone. You need to get out of your own way. And a lot of times you don't even know your, oh, I should say all the time, you never know your blind spot until someone points it out to you.

JEANELL: Right? I didn't know that until I went to that seminar and someone said, hey, what are you being responsible for in your life? I'm like, what, what does it have to be me? Like this is about him and him being broken, not about me.

JEANELL: But once I took my power back and now I actually had access to something I never had access to before, which is really like, no, my life is going to go the way I want it to go because I'm committed to something bigger and I didn't like who I was becoming, that was part of it.

JEANELL: I was becoming a smaller version of myself. And I felt like I was like a lot of people hiding, numbing out because I had been hurt so much. But on the same token though, I felt like nobody knew me because I was Jeanell with the big smile who was always like, yeah, everything's great.

JEANELL: But in the background I was lonely, I didn't know myself and I was so consumed with trying to make everyone else happy. And so, being Catholic and going entertaining, this thing called divorce is what had me stay for longer than I should have because I was so afraid of what people were going to say, especially my mom who is my hero.

JEANELL: But then it got to a point where I was like, you know what, this is my life. And up until now I'd been this perfect straight a student, good girl. You know, mama's girl, daddy's girl like the golden child.

JEANELL: And now I'm about to blow everything up and just say, listen, this is not what I want and I'm leaving and I get that there are repercussions to this, but dang it, I am committed to having a life that is the one that I had been dreaming of since I was a little girl.

JEANELL: And I know it's out there somewhere and I know I just need to take responsibility for my mistakes and what I've done and then create the next version of Jeanell that I want to step into, which is another really important piece to know who you want to become and really, do the work.

JEANELL: The work is the gap, right? Who is that woman I want to become? And who am I now? What's in the way of me being that or what are the thoughts that are having me keeping me from being that person?

KATHLEEN: I have Jeanell Greene in the room and she was ending with that little bit of a gap from where she was to where she is today. And we're going to elaborate that a little bit more during the last segment.

JEANELL: I think one of the things we struggle with is imposter syndrome.

JEANELL: I know for me that voice, that little voice in my head says, who do you think you are to be an entrepreneur? No, no, no, you're Filipino. You need to be like a nurse or a teacher, and luckily, I had a mom who never forced me or had certain expectations of me other than just to be myself.

JEANELL: And so, I think that's, part of the gap is acknowledging, what are the voices, the thoughts, the beliefs that often aren't even ours. They're just something that was created in our childhood. But we have that as true. And I think the first step is to really question that like, well, is it true, is that really what I believe or was I told to believe that?

JEANELL: And then really just getting OK, what am I committed to? And I think being committed to something is a hard piece because it's so easy to go inwards to make it about us. And for me, it was really about focusing on what is the bigger mission on the planet?

JEANELL: Like when I close my eyes for the last time, how do I want to be remembered? What is the impact that I want to have? And again, when I get to those pearly gates of heaven, and I watch the flashback of my life, what do I want that to look like to say? You know what my time on earth was worthy? I didn't waste it and I did it for good.

JEANELL: And I got to experience a love like I had never imagined like that to me just even where I am right now. And every night when I go to bed, I think to myself like, wow, I get to have this me. And so I think gratitude is a big piece of that. But the gap is really taking the actions because knowledge is not power, applied, knowledge is power.

JEANELL: But I think so many people, they read books, they do seminars and they go oh yeah, that was nice. And then they don't action that. And so for me, again, having a background of sales, I'm all about goal setting and taking actions and creating structures in your life to transform the behavior.

JEANELL: So when I work with couples, that's really what I do. It's not just let's just talk about what we can do. I'm holding them accountable. We're setting goals and we're not just addressing the relationship breakdowns, we're really addressing all of their life breakdowns because chances are they're not taking good care of themselves.

JEANELL: There's no self care, there's no quality time. There's no, there's always something that's out of balance, they hate their job. So, I really look at this whole their whole life holistically so that when on the other end of things, they can really say my life is amazing, not just my relationship but my life.

KATHLEEN: And I think that's really important too.

KATHLEEN: Because what I found and I was gonna ask you this too is what I found is when I opened my heart and that was not an easy thing to do by any stretch of the imagination But when I opened my heart, I discovered boundaries, I discovered my mouth and I also discovered that I was safe and protected. So even though I was always trying to protect myself, I felt even safer with that.

KATHLEEN: And I don't know if you felt that when you opened yourself up to become the true essence of you, because it all stems from the heart. And my first step, when I was coming out of the dark side, the dark night of my soul was gratitude because you have to have that higher vibration of where you are.

KATHLEEN: And if you don't have something higher, because the problem that you're in, you will never find the answer in the problem that you're in. Einstein said that and he's right, you have to go higher. And so looking inside because meditation when I was in my twenties was what saved me to begin with because I was suicidal and I discovered I wasn't the lies that were told to me.

KATHLEEN: I wasn't this. I was like I discovered I was this bigger person. I'm like, really, really? I don't know if this feels comfortable and you just kind of get this view and then is it right? And yet, but how could you not? Because I felt happier. I was calmer. I wasn't as angry, you see this but it was like I had to feel like I deserved to be quiet.

KATHLEEN: I had to learn to quiet those nasty thoughts in my head and that's what comes down. So, when you talk about this with couples, they have to do that they at least have a teammate, so to speak, to help them and hold them accountable besides just you.

JEANELL: Yeah. I find it real, I don't know how couples who are struggling are able to do it on our own because there's no neutrality, right? And it's always this, it can become a power struggle, especially when we grew up watching parents who argued and it was about winning more than it was about peace and understanding and connection.

KATHLEEN: Yeah, because I noticed like my partner and I, we've been talking because, I'm in the middle of a big transition that I'm embarking upon and I'm feeling part of the overwhelm of like, oh my God, I took so much on, but I'm excited about what I took it on. But it's all part of the bigger picture. It's all happening at once, right?

KATHLEEN: Because that's how spirit works some days. And when we were talking, I called him up and I said, I just want you to know that I'm about to change my entire life and you're either coming with me or not because that meant the invitation was I want you to come. But I'm not stopping because you're not moving.

KATHLEEN: But that's not what he's doing because he's like, I know she can do it. She's just got to get out of her demons. Right.

KATHLEEN: And once the demons are out of the way then she can do it. And so it's like we both help each other elevate. So when we bought the house, he's like, slow down, slow down, slow down because he's a Taurus. And, it takes a mountain to move a Taurus. And I said, I can't, I can't, I can't Divine providence has come in, right?

KATHLEEN: And he gets in here and he says, you know, the thing that I discovered, I'm not afraid anymore because I pushed him, but I didn't mean to push him. But it was just what it was. He said I don't have any more fear because I realized that it's ok to change, it's ok to quit my job. It's ok to do this just because I pushed a move.

KATHLEEN: So what we do is we're helping each other empower each other. We support each other in a way that I've never had before, which makes this so much cooler of a relationship. That's why it feels comfortable because yes, we still have our little spat, but we laugh when we're starting to spat because we know that it's my shit or it's his crap, right?

KATHLEEN: It's one of, yeah, you don't get mad at each other about anything. We can sit there but we start laughing and it gets diffused because we know, ok, I have to look at myself, this is my crap coming up and I want to blame you because you're a guy and it's your fault and I'm a woman and it's my fault. You know what I mean? And we just stopped that.

JEANELL: It sounds like you guys have a great friendship and I think that's what's missing in a lot of couples is they rush from being, dating and courting and wooing to now being parents and they bypass this thing called friendship. And so their relationship is like a house of cards.

JEANELL: Like anything comes by it falls apart. And so I think it sounds like you guys have that, that strength because my husband and I are like that too. Like we haven't got in an argument in probably 10 years and like you, even when it starts like that, we kind of just laugh it off.

JEANELL: We're just like, oh, this is our humanity showing up but we trust each other and there's such just safe and pure space between us that we just, there's no ego. We're just really trying. How do we even when we're on opposite ends? How do we compromise? How do we find somewhere where both people feel acknowledged and valued and heard and that we both win?

KATHLEEN: Yeah.

KATHLEEN: Well, we're getting really close to the end of the show. Unfortunately. So tell our listeners how they can get a hold of you.

JEANELL: Absolutely. The best way they can, to get a hold of me is through my website. They can actually book a free consult with me and that is at JeanellGreene.com or at Save our marriage dot C A.

KATHLEEN: Well, I want to thank you so much for Jeanell for being on the show. I know it took a while to get you here and I'm really glad that we've finally connected because this was a very enlightening knowledgeable show. It's so nice to meet somebody that really does have a good marriage who really did the work to create that beautiful life that you have the beautiful marriage.

KATHLEEN: And that is possible. I mean, the guests I bring on, I want them to realize you can have it too. It's all about doing the work on your inside. It's about you taking responsibility for you and you're just a prime example because you're just beaming with all this beautiful light coming out from you that you are truly a happy person.

KATHLEEN: So thank you again for coming on my pleasure.

KATHLEEN: So I want to OK, here's one more question for you. I'm sorry. One question. What is one piece of advice you would offer our audience to help them move in the direction of their dreams, to achieve their dreams or to become a better person.

JEANELL: Oh, this is so

JEANELL: Good, learn compassion and forgiveness. I think those are two qualities or two virtues that we were never really fostered or nurtured within us. At least not for me. I see us as we're always comparing, we always feel not enough, we always feel like we need to suck it up. Be strong, right?

JEANELL: And I think compassion is really about being our own best friend, learning self love having and then forgiveness. I think most people don't understand that forgiveness has nothing to do with another person. Forgiveness is really about freeing ourselves, forgiving ourselves for allowing us to be negatively impacted by another's behavior that they may or may not have done to purposely hurt us.

JEANELL: But you know, something happens 4 years ago and here we are still thinking about it, still angry from something that happened in a split 2nd 40 years ago. Why would we waste our life on something like that? So I think that's the two things I would say.

KATHLEEN: Well, I love that. Well, thank you again. So I want to thank everyone for joining us today. And if you found any value here, please feel free to like and subscribe us and to send the link to your friends and families.