Holiday Survival for the Strong Woman: How to Stay Safe, Grounded & Spiritually Aligned When Everything Feels Heavy

Kathleen Flanagan (00:00)
without preparing these three things.

The last one will keep you grounded when chaos erupts. One for protection, create energetic boundaries before family gatherings to maintain your peace. Alignment, start each morning with a personal ritual that centers your spirit. And three is for empowerment. Remember you can walk away from any situation that threatens your wellbeing.

For women especially, it's a battleground of invisible labor and heightened expectations. We're expected to plan the gatherings, manage family dynamics, and still show up with a smile. This isn't just inconvenient, it's spiritually draining. When you set those boundaries before walking into a family dinner, you're not being selfish. You're preserving your sacred energy. Your morning ritual isn't just self care.

It's a spiritual armor against the chaos that follows. And walking away when needed isn't failure. It's the ultimate act of self-protection and divine wisdom. These shields work because they honor your spirit first. When everything feels heavy, remember that your peace is non-negotiable. Your spiritual alignment is the greatest gift you can give yourself this season.

Hello everyone and welcome to the journey of awakening spirit. I'm Kathleen Flanagan, your host. So let's just take a moment and just take in a deep breath, hold it and then ground. Just blow it out, take everything out all the way from your stomach and just ground the energy in. We just need to acknowledge that these holidays

they often feel heavy, even for the strongest amongst us. And normalizing the internal struggle that you can look like you have it all together and still feel overwhelmed on the inside. And then you're safe. You're not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.

Today, I wanna help you move out of emotional survival and back into alignment, even in the middle of the holiday chaos. And as we know, and I have been guilty, you come from a crazy dysfunctional family and the holidays are insane. I know that you feel tension, you're anxious, you feel pressure, and you have a lot of emotional weight.

And I know that I felt that a lot. was like I dreaded the holidays. The older I got, the more I dreaded the holidays because of the expectations that were put on me with my family. Because as my family grew, when all my siblings had kids and I'm supposed to buy for the kids and I get nothing. Now, not to be selfish about it, but you know, I wasn't making that kind of money like my siblings were making and

Usually it was we buy for each other, but because of the kids and I understood that and I did that at the beginning and then it started getting very costly because you know, it's one thing when you have one or two or three nieces, it's another thing when they become like five, six, seven, eight, nine and 10. And I just said, that's it, I'm done. I had to put a stop to it and I bought for the family. If they liked it or not, that was their problem. I just know that I had a bunch of snobby arrogant family members and didn't care.

but it just got really old very fast of what I was supposed to do. And I'm the one going broke because I chose not to have children.

So.

And I know that I was operating to protect myself during those periods and I felt like I was in survival mode and there were childhood wounds attached to it and perfectionism and expectations. And then I didn't even want to disappoint others. And if I didn't feel like I was coming from all those places, I probably would have just not even bothered to show up. But when...

And when you feel overwhelmed this time of the year, it's not weakness, it's your soul asking you for a safer, kinder way. And I remember...

when I, I'm going to share this story and then get into the tips that I have for you is I remember it was probably one of the last Thanksgiving Christmases with my family. And I did everything I could to be around them. And I just remember at the end, I just, had it. I couldn't do it anymore. I'm hosting, I've got all this food everywhere. And then I'm getting shamed and belittled and mistreated in my own home. And that was the story.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. And that was the end of my holiday season with my family. You know, it's like you don't go to somebody's house and then start treating the host like they're a piece of garbage. And that was just how I felt about it. And I had my fill. I couldn't stand it any longer. I mean, it was like I was being blamed for everything under the sun and I don't even know what they were talking about. I was just getting blamed. And then I had a partner at the time and he was taking their side. So that was it.

was done. I was done. And I just remember the next year when I chose not to do the holidays and I felt so good and it felt so nice not having, carrying that. Now I know most people can't do that or won't do that, but I chose to do that and it was the best decision I ever made. I needed to have my peace and my sanity back. And what was interesting is that

In my neighborhood at that time, we had a woman, she was in her 80s, 90s, and she hosted Thanksgiving. She told us what to bring. We didn't bring our dishes. No, we did what she wanted, but it was fun. And it was a neighborhood Thanksgiving. And it was so much better, so much nicer. And as those years progressed, my Thanksgivings get better and better. And like this year to me, it was the best one yet. And every year they get better because it's not...

a hassle for me. It's like I'm doing what I want because I love it. But you need the first tip that I want to give you is you need to reclaim your safety. And there are simple ways to create a sense of internal grounding anywhere that you are. You know, if you're at with family gatherings, if you're at work, parties or even in the car before walking inside, just take it, take, excuse me, take a 10 second breath reset.

A hand on your-

Excuse me. A hand to the heart is the grounding gesture. And the mantra would be, choose safety in this moment. And why inner safety is the foundation for every aligned decision you'll make. You always want to be grounded and centered. And if you're feeling anxious or unsafe or overwhelmed,

This is the fastest way because you're bringing yourself back to you. Your hands on your heart, you're saying, love you. I'm gonna take care of you. And then just breathe it in. Just breathe in, I choose safety in this moment. I can't tell you how many times I have walked around my life saying, I am safe.

I didn't even know why it was saying I was safe, but I said that my whole life. I know now it took a lifetime to learn it, but I needed to feel that because that was the only way I knew how to ground myself back in to deal with family, to deal with work, to deal with if there was a confrontational, not, it doesn't have to be confrontational, but if I had to meet with somebody and talk to them and it was not confrontational, but it felt confrontational. Cause most people don't want to talk about icky.

stuff with other people. So we decide is confrontational and then we run from it when it's really not. And this just put me back into that, that place of safety. The second tip is identify and interrupt the holiday triggers. The holiday in it, the problem is that the holiday environments resurrect old wounds. Guaranteed, without a doubt, I don't care how aware you are.

it's gonna trigger. It always triggers. I remember one year, all of us, and these were my nieces were like, I don't know, three, four years old, something like that. They were really very young, maybe even younger. And my sister from Kansas came into town and what's the first thing she did? She started a fight. We're all trying to have breakfast and she starts a fight for some reason, nobody knows what it was about, but it was on me. And I walked out the door. said, I don't need this frigging shit. And I left.

and I walked out and I took everybody to get me to come back. Cause I was like, I'm not coming back. I don't need this crap. I didn't do anything. I'm not going to put up with it. And it was one of those. And so I ended up going back. My sister came up and said, apologize to me. I didn't buy it. I was so angry and upset over the whole thing. And

The main thing is, is I found out later that they told her and said, you know, we don't do this anymore at the holidays. We don't pick fights. We don't start fights. We bite our tongues and we deal with it because it's about the kids and not about our dynamics. And that was pretty much what it was. And it was fine, but it was just, I didn't even go in there knowing it was going to happen. And I was sort of looking forward to it because this was an all day event. I've come over with the kids.

and it was gonna be an all day event and I'm like, okay, I can do it because it's the little kids, but yeah, it was not fun. That was the last time we ever had a blowout like that at Christmas, but it was still, the rest of it was all that undermining thing. And your nervous system is gonna help you to remember what your mind is trying to forget. And it's true.

I can't tell you how many times it's like, okay, breathe going in. It's like, I'm already anxious. I'm already expecting the worst. I mean, why do we do this to ourselves? Why can't we go in with different expectations? I remember one year I decided I was just going to be smiling and happy and laughing and joking and being like somebody I'm never am at the holidays. And I left the house that day and I thought, this is really good. I really did a good job.

And I felt good, except for the thing was, that my family didn't know how to deal with me. So I created a whole new set of dynamics, not that anybody did anything because they were so shocked, but it was like, after that it was forgotten. was just really bizarre, the things that I've tried to do to deal with holiday situations.

So, you you're going to notice possibly the tightening in your chest, you're going to want to withdraw, your irritation starts spiking, your old childhood roles, role you slip back into and you know, I don't know what our mothers do, but our mothers are notorious for making us do that. I can't tell you how many women I have talked to that have moved away from their mothers. Mom comes for a visit.

And within five minutes, she's a little kid again. And she's triggered and the whole bit. There's something about mothers. I don't know what it is that they do. I wasn't a mother, so I don't know that game. All I know is that we do, we automatically revert. And it's about bringing awareness. And I think one of the best ways to try to do that is to just say, we just remember I'm an adult now? I'm not 15, I'm not 12, I'm not six.

I'm like 30, 40, 50 years old. Can we like remember this? But you know, that's not what we do because our nervous system is already up. So a simple way for you to break your pattern is before I respond, I return to myself. That's like taking in a deep breath. If you're feeling it, you wanna go out there and you just wanna kill somebody or dinner's not and somebody's commenting about your dinner,

or something's burnt or whatever it is because somebody will say something and it doesn't matter what that is.

So I learned before I responded, returning to myself, or I just never said anything, I just smiled because I know that my family gets more upset when I don't trigger. When I remain silent, it makes them crazy. Well, they will push and push and push. And I'm bound and determined not to let that happen because I go in there with, I'm going to behave.

I'm going to do the best I can. I'm going to be as nice as I can. I'm going to tolerate as much as I can. And I'm going to do my best to have a good time. Because all in all, I love Christmas. I don't like the drama. I don't like all the garbage that goes with Christmas. I'm not into spending money on Christmas. I don't do any of that. Excuse me, I make food.

I make apple butter cookies, whatever fudge, I do that, that's the Christmas gift. That's the old fashioned way of doing Christmas. That's what I do. And I like doing that because there's just something about the holidays. To me, they're magical. They've always been magical and I don't know why I think they're magical because I have never seen magic in my house with Christmas. I see more magic now because now I have calm and peace and tranquility at Christmas, but

The people that I love the most are here and we have a nice meal, nice conversation, and we're not really exchanging gifts. Whatever we're doing, it's like gift cards or food. And if I don't get anything, that's okay too. I'm just not gonna make all these cookies and then think I'm gonna eat them all. And that's the main thing is just really understanding.

where you need to be. What is your goal? Think about how you want to show up at Christmas and then do everything in your power to do that, no matter what triggers are flying, just, and breathe through it. Just breathe through it. The third tip is you want to protect your energy without feeling guilty. You know, cause how many times have I left Christmas dinner feeling drained, depleted, or resentful? And

I know that there's been times when they come to my house and I wouldn't admit it. They close that door is closed and locked. I'm out there vacuuming my house and getting rid of their energy and smudging and everything else. Cause I don't like the stuff that they left behind. That's normal. That's not healthy in my mind, but that's what I used to do because it was like they disrupted my energy.

And when you're feeling that way, it's because of your lack of boundaries or your people pleasing patterns.

That's a big one.

Because how many of us do that? Okay, I'll just be nice and put up with it so I'm not classified as some sort of witch and ruin Christmas. But that's not fair to you. You need to be able to protect yourself. So a gentle solution that I'm gonna offer is guilt-free energetic protection practices. So this is what I want to talk about. The power of conscious presence.

Be present. Be observant. Get off the stage.

Watch the drama unfold out here. But you get off the stage and you watch it. You don't have to be responsible or participate in the drama of the holidays. If you sit back and just observe, smile, have a cocktail, whatever it's gonna take. Be pleasant, be nice, but just observe what's going on.

If you're observing the drama, then you can recreate how you want to respond if it comes to that.

I mean, I was silent a lot of times. Now I carried on conversations. I talked when somebody talked to me, but I wasn't the one to engage in it because a lot of times it's more about the kids. When we start getting into when we were getting older, it was a different story and I needed to just participate. Now, if we were going to go down the world of politics, because sometimes that's what my family wants to do and that is not the thing to do in my house at first.

and they do it and I would just zip it. And I would get up from the table and I would leave because I knew what was coming. That was a form of protecting myself. When I did that, if other people around the table didn't want to participate, they got up and left. And eventually the person who was creating the biggest angst around that, and I had a sibling who was always right and we were all wrong and we didn't know what we were talking about because she was the one that was the smartest in the family.

and she's really not. Anyways, she ended up being there arguing all by herself because all of us got really tired of listening to it because she didn't have an open mind. She was a very close-minded person and only she was right. She left no room for anything else. So that's a way to do it. Don't get engaged in those kinds of conversations.

You know, change the subject to something more pleasant, like, ⁓ I was out Christmas shopping and I saw this or blah, blah. You know what I mean? Change it, shift it. You have the power and the control to do that. And I guarantee you, most people are gonna wanna do that because everybody else is in the same boat that you're in. They're struggling through Christmas just like you are. So if you do more pleasant stuff and be happy and joyful, I think that's gonna make a big difference for you.

and you wanna seal any holes, any energetic holes that you have that is leaking, so to speak. And to me, the way I look at that is...

Be observant of you. If you're noticing like you're starting to get resentful or you're starting to get angry or you're just like, I'm ready to go home and you're not sure it's quite time because you haven't had the Christmas dessert yet, then just pay attention to where that is. What are you feeling on the inside of your body? Where is it coming from? Is it coming from your gut? Is it coming from your shoulders? Are you getting a headache? Whatever that is and breathe through it.

Just put a green light of energy around you. That's what I would do. Put the green light of energy around you to heal the holes, heal the calmness, bring the calmness back into your body, and then put on, as I call it, the mirror ball. And the mirror ball is just that. You put a mirror ball around you, and you ask, and you direct the energy that they can see you, but they can't plug into you, they can't harm you. So they can see that you're there, you're engaged, but they aren't.

plugging into you, they're not attacking you. It's bouncing off and going back to them. And this is a beautiful way to protect your energy when you feel like you're starting to drain, like you're losing it, that you're ready to go home. Because the last thing you want to do is go home and then yell at the kids or yell at your husband or wife because you're so frustrated over what happened during the day. You put that mirror ball around you.

you will be amazed of how you feel. It's a very empowering light that you put around. You're not hiding because you don't want to hide your light. You want to still be seen, but you don't want to receive that. You don't want those cords coming and attacking. So just do that. And it's just really a cool place. Go into the bathroom and just put the mirror ball in and just say, put the mirror ball around me.

Everybody sees me, but they can't attach to me. They can't hurt me. They can't plug into me. And I will come out with joy, happiness, love, and I will be a bright shining light. And that's what you do. And that makes it real simple and real easy. And it's a way to regain your power. And then you can always establish your boundaries with kindness.

And if they don't like boundaries, that's their problem. You can always put a smile on your face and say, don't think so. Nope, not gonna happen. Whatever it is.

whatever it is.

I've learned that in the beginning when I first started creating boundaries, nobody liked it because all of a sudden they weren't able to do what they were once able to do. And when I said I'm not going to tolerate it, I meant it.

And if they're going to continue to do it and they're not going to respect you, then leave. Because you don't have to put up with any of it. You never have, you've never had to, and you never will have to. You think you have to. Leave. I did that when my sister pulled that crap on me many, many years ago. I was in my 20s when she did that one. I got up and left, and I'm not one to do that. But I had so, I was so done.

I was so done. I didn't even want to be there. And then I get this and I'm being picked on. And I mean, it was, it took hours for me to go back, hours.

I was so upset. But you know what? They never pulled that crap again because see, I did that. I started doing that. was like, okay, we're done. And I get up and I leave. Powerful, powerful, powerful. If they want you to stay, they're going to do that.

And if they don't want you to stay, that's fine. Then let them do it. Because you're happier if you got to leave anyways. So that would be another tip that I would suggest.

And then choose where your attention goes instead of who demands it. Because we know at Christmas, there's somebody always demanding your attention. If it's getting food on the table or if it's making the dessert or whatever it is, you decide. You take your power back. You don't have to engage in so many things. We think we do, but we really don't.

And I think that's another reason why we feel drained because we feel like we're being pulled and it's that people pleasing attitude. It's, my God, I have to do this. And no, you don't. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. You decide what you want the holidays to be. You make that decision.

And then you start teaching your children what it's like, because you know what? You don't want them to be going through the same thing you are. So teach them, you know, when it's when it's time it's to stop, they stop.

ground them.

Give them a time out, whatever it takes.

but just do things for you. Again, what is it that you want? How do you want the holidays to look? And then do everything in your power to do that. This fourth tip is to reconnect with your inner self, your inner guidance. Because you feel that you're pulled in too many directions and you can't even hear your intuition. And we know that the holidays are really chaotic for that. But the external noise is also keeping you from hearing your internal truth.

So it really is up to you to take the time.

mean, I'm sitting here, don't, Sal's leaving on Thursday to go to Texas because his mom had a fall and she just got back from the nursing home because she broke her pelvis. And I was not a happy camper and I'm still not a happy camper. And it's not about not him going to Texas to be with his mom and helping and support that. It was the mechanism in which his sister got him there that I've been raging over. I'm human, still human folks.

I know he needs to see his parents. I know they're aging and I know he wants to see them, not under these circumstances necessarily, but you know, he's going to be there for 10 days. Cause he was talking about going down and then coming back after Christmas and I told him not to come back. Okay, that's what I did. Cause I was angry. Cause I'm not doing Christmas alone. I don't have to do Christmas alone. I'm not gonna do Christmas alone. And so I decided I wasn't gonna put up Christmas because he wasn't here.

And then I decided today that I'm gonna put up a little bit of Christmas, not a tree, but a little Christmas because I still love the holidays and I still wanna be good. And I know that there's 10 days that he's gonna be gone. I'm gonna get so much stuff done. I've got a lot of videos to make and I'm gonna be making them so I can get this community launched on January 1st. That's what I wanna do. That's my goal is to really finish up. Everything else is done other than a lot of video work. And so that's what I'm gonna do.

but Sal decided to come back on the 21st, you know, so we'll have some time for Christmas and just be together for the holidays. Cause he doesn't want to be there for Christmas anymore than I want him there for Christmas. But see, I made the decision of it's okay for him to leave. He's gonna leave anyway, so I had to come okay with it. And I'm okay with it cause I don't have issues with that because we're used to him leaving or me leaving for work and that kind of thing. So that's not the issue.

Being alone is not the issue, because I'm already alone anyways, most of the time. It was just the way that it was delivered that upset me. And I had to work on myself because of that, because I got triggered. Because how many times was I guilted into doing things? And we shouldn't have to be guilted and shamed into doing anything. And yet we seem to do that for ourselves.

And then

quick way to do an intuition check is just 60 seconds, ask for what you want and then listen for the answer.

You can also journal a question, what does my soul need right now?

And then how the small moments start the reconnection to that huge emotional relief. So that's why I'm saying if you start doing things now of what you want Christmas to look like and you do that, you ask and you listen, you write, what does my soul need right now? You're gonna start rebuilding that. So you're gonna have more strength when it comes to Christmas. And then the fifth tip is choose your alignment over your obligation.

Cause you always say yes and it costs you your peace. And the old stories are saying that you must perform, please over give or endure. And I want to teach you that I honor my energy first. I am number one. I deserve to feel good and be valued. So I would say leave early without explanation. If you're ready to go, go.

Just go. Saying no softly, but firmly.

We all know how to do that, we've all done it, so do it that way. Take breaks without guilt. If somebody's pressuring you to do something and you're not quite there and you're just kind of all over the place, just say no, I'll get to it in a few minutes.

That's what I do. I've always done that. I don't care if I say dinner's gonna be ready at three and it's ready at four, that's not my problem. It's what it is. And it's amazing how many people don't really mind as long as they know that the food's coming, they're happy. So just take those breaks. I did that a lot. I mean, I can't tell you over Thanksgiving how many breaks I took during, as I was preparing the meal and it felt good. Cause my, was coming out of sciatica at that point. And so as I'm coming out of the sciatica,

I mean, I had to take breaks because standing that long making turkey and stuffing and everything else that I was making pies and all that, my back was hurting. So I had to take a lot of breaks. And you know, I think that's why this Thanksgiving was so much better because I took so many more breaks and I loved it. And I chose peace over perfection. And that's what I chose. I mean, that's what my Thanksgiving was. I think that's why my Thanksgiving was so good. It was because of what I chose. So when you choose your alignment,

You return home to yourself and that's the real gift of this season. You being with you, you getting what you want, having your needs met, whatever that is. And if nobody's gonna give them to you, then you give them to yourself. You just make sure of that.

So if you want any support in staying grounded and connecting during the holidays, connect with, download the Light Activation Guide. That's going to be a really good, quick way to start getting back into you, taking care of you. It's going to get you to start looking a little bit deeper, start changing the way you operate in life a little bit. even though it's only a couple of weeks away,

Those two weeks can be a game changer for you, of you just spending five minutes a day with yourself, of what you want, visualize what you want for the holidays and do that.

Because you deserve peace. We all do. And you don't have to carry everything. I mean, it's a family gathering. Everybody can carry their weight. And if they're not carrying their weight, then maybe you don't invite them next year.

Sounds like a plan to me. And then you're allowed to choose yourself. You should always be number one, always, always, always be number one. And just remember that. You're safe to slow down. You're safe to feel, and you're safe to be human. The holidays don't have to break you. They can be the moment you come back home.

That's why I always come back to where it's magical because I think human life is magical. I think life can be magical and life is magical when you're living in your truth.

And that's what I want to wish all of you for is to find that peace within yourself and make this the best Christmas that you've ever had. If you found this useful, then feel free to give the link to anyone who might need this. I do appreciate your time. I know that this is getting to be the crazy, busy, hectic time of year, but I wanted to share this with you because I only have two more shows before the end of the year and I have guests on both of them. And I want to wish you

all very happy holiday season and I will see all of you next Tuesday at 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time and from my heart to yours, I hope you have a fabulous week.