Heal Identity Wounds Caused by Spiritual Amnesia or Emotional Trauma

Kathleen Flanagan (00:00.206)
You are not broken. You have simply forgotten who you truly are by healing the wounds of spiritual amnesia and emotional trauma. You can remember your divine wholeness and live authentically. Hello everyone and welcome to the journey of an awakening spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan, your host. And I'm just really excited to be here today. This is my second show on my own from the Bold Brave TV network and I'm

have so many things I want to do and teach you today. But for now, what I'd like you to do is I'd like you to put your hand on your heart, close your eyes, and take in a deep breath. Inhale through your mouth, hold, and exhale through your mouth.

Kathleen Flanagan (00:54.542)
Again, inhale through your nose.

Kathleen Flanagan (00:59.416)
Hold and exhale through your mouth.

Kathleen Flanagan (01:06.262)
and do this one more time, inhale.

Kathleen Flanagan (01:11.778)
Hold.

and exhale.

Kathleen Flanagan (01:19.818)
Imagine you were born wearing a radiant golden cloak, but over time others draped heavy coats over you until you forgot the cloak was ever there.

I want you to name the wound that you have. Was it emotional trauma like abuse, neglect, betrayal, loss?

Kathleen Flanagan (01:48.192)
Emotional trauma teaches us lies about ourselves, that I'm unworthy, I'm unlovable, I'm broken. But actually that's not the truth.

It's in the silence of how many high function, I want to acknowledge that there's a lot of high functioning people out there that are still walking around feeling invisible within themselves. So you cannot become yourself if you don't remember who you were before the world told you who to be.

Kathleen Flanagan (02:30.968)
That's what I want to talk about today is that, and I can talk about this so easily because this has been my life. I know exactly what it's like to feel broken, unlovable, unworthy.

I was shattered. My family did a great job of really shattering me. you know, I don't know if I've told the story about the beating that I received when I was, what, 11, 12 years old. And it's in the book, anthology that's coming out in September, and it's in there about what my father had done. And the worst part was my mother did nothing to stop him.

Everybody said I was an angry person, but I was rage. I wasn't allowed to speak. I wasn't allowed to say anything. I was beaten to a within a inch of my life. All because I played with matches because they, when you fired up a match, the sulfur was fascinating. And then I blew it out. didn't care about matches. I just thought it was really cool to watch that. But what happened with that is that I realized that the world wasn't safe. It wasn't nice.

It was mean, it was horrible, and I didn't want to live. And by 16, those feelings were really coming strong, and I was suicidal until I was 30 years old because of what this was. I didn't feel like I was worthy. But what happened was at 16, when I went to that Eger Casey, and I know I've talked about this before, when I went to the Eger Casey meditation, I realized there was something bigger than me, and I didn't know what that was, but there was a sign of hope for me.

that I didn't know back then, and this is in the 70s, I didn't know back then about necessarily reincarnation or life after death or spirituality. None of that was really there. Nothing was talked about. I was a Catholic. That's all I knew and that's what we did. And...

Kathleen Flanagan (04:35.574)
I remember asking my mom for a lot of things. Like I wanted to take dance lessons and I couldn't do it. And she said I was very selfish because there were other people and I should not be thinking about that because there were other people in the family and other mouths to feed and which didn't make any sense to me as a little kid of what does that have to do with taking dance lessons? I felt abandoned more than you can count. I was the oldest of seven kids. I got forgotten.

That was pretty much it. And so I felt that I was unloved and unworthy. I thought my mother had a favorite, which she did. She denied it, but she did. And all of us, all of us kids felt the same thing, that my mother had a favorite and we all knew who it was and it was no secret and we just accepted it.

And I always felt like I was a failure that no matter what I did, why bother? So, I mean, I was very intelligent, but I acted stupid. didn't, I got C grades because that was enough to just stay under the radar. And all of that did was all I did was completely compound who I was in this life of what I thought of myself. Not knowing that this was all being done by design, but this is what I had done.

So we forget because on a soul level, the density of this human experience makes it so easy to forget that we are light. And there's also not a lot of spirituality mentioned throughout this other than the Catholic Church and all the things that we've learned of the dogma of religion. And the psychology of this is trauma disconnects us from our bodies and intuition.

as a survival mechanism and I did. disassociated for 50 years after my father did what he did. I disassociated. I actually disassociated before that because my mother used to beat me as well. you know, so I wasn't here. Spirit was protecting me and I didn't know any of this at that point. So I don't remember a lot of my life and I'm okay with not remembering a lot of my life. And then the message that I had to get as I was growing up,

Kathleen Flanagan (06:40.108)
was cultural of what the messages of success were, what perfection was, competition drowned out my inner truth. I it was like, I just felt like I was up against all odds because I was a very sensitive child. I didn't like the fact that I didn't really know anything. And if I had to live my parents' life, I would rather be dead.

because what they were doing and how they lived their life to me wasn't worth being on this earth. And that was another reason why I was suicidal. I just saw nothing for my future. I saw no hope. had no, no anything. So how did the wounds show up? They showed up as chronic self-doubt, sabotaging relationships. I can't tell you how many times I've done all of that. know, feeling disconnected or numb.

I felt everything and I really tried to be a non-feeling person, but I felt everything. cried all the time. Or I always was working on overachieving because I always felt empty inside. So anytime I accomplished something, and I'm a very accomplished woman, very accomplished, and it was onto the next, onto the next, onto the next, because it was never enough for me.

And people would be like, why aren't you celebrating? It's like, well, it's fine. I did it. No big deal. And it was a big deal. Everything I did was a big deal. And I remember I took a woman's leadership week in California. one of the, guess, I don't know what they call these women that were like ones that were mentoring us or hanging with us or whatever it was. I don't know what they did, but she wrote this

you know, because we had to write on the bus going to the facility, all these accomplishments, all these things that we did. And it was just to answer questions. And I had a whole list of stuff. And when she read it back to me, I was so stunned. And all the women that were in that room, we all felt like we were nothing.

Kathleen Flanagan (08:48.344)
that we didn't matter that things were like no matter what we did, it wasn't enough. And one woman had a PhD and she never even was proud of that. And it was like, my God. And you know, it was all of us because of how they were treating women at that time.

And basically what this was is we just felt like we were nothing because of the way the culture was. We had to be, you you put on your hat, you go to work, you cook the bacon, and then you come home and you're a woman for your wife. And it was like, my God. I mean, it was like, that's what women were doing. And it wasn't something to be proud of, but it was like, that was what we had to strive for.

that we had to be all things to all people at all times. And there was no time for us. And that was a crime, in my opinion, that was a crime. And I think that's why the rebellion happened. I think that's why there was so much of this women's lib movement that came up during things like that, that women were fighting for their rights to be seen and heard and valued because we were just as valued as men were, but we were treated because we were the lesser sex.

except for women know how to deal with things way better than men do. So I want you to take a moment and I want to have you reflect on something for just a moment. So where in your life have you felt unseen, unloved, or unworthy?

Kathleen Flanagan (10:20.588)
And then how did you begin to believe that story?

Kathleen Flanagan (10:32.834)
The first step is you need to be aware. You need to actually see the wound. When I talked about this beating with my father, now I knew about that, but I didn't know the depth of what that did. And I couldn't see before that and I can now. And sometimes we just have to be patient in seeing what's going on in our lives, in the world around us because

We may be anxious and want to know what it is and get there to heal and move on with our life and not deal with it, but sometimes we wouldn't be able to handle it. And thank God, I did not see the depth of what that beating did to me until I saw it. Because when I did see it and I saw the depth even further, because I have seen this in stages and every time I have seen that in stages, I would cry hysterically because there was so much pain around it, so much...

emotion was tied into this so much hurt, betrayal, shame. Why was nobody cared about me? I mean, it was like all these emotions just surfaced.

And I had to feel it and that's the thing you have to feel it because you can't heal what you continue to deny. And I didn't want to really understand that or feel it but the moment I did everything started to turn around because it was like this intense weight finally got off my shoulders. And yes it was horrible and it sucked to be me and I was hysterical. It was the ugly cry, was a tsunami cries.

But I did it anyways because I knew that on the other side it had to be better than what I was suffering with this now. I can't tell you how many times I journaled and named the false identities that I've worn. mean, journaling does wonders where you're like, I don't know what I'm feeling and you write it down and then it starts taking over because I believed I was invisible. I knew I was invisible. I liked.

Kathleen Flanagan (12:34.68)
being invisible because if I was invisible, nobody could hurt me and that was how I looked at it.

And that's what I did. I just didn't want to be seen because when I got seen, I got hurt. I got hurt. People would shame me or belittle me or hit me or something like that. And I just wasn't, and I'm not an abused woman, you know, other than what my father did. I never, thank God, I never had a man hit me. But then I also said that if they threatened me, I would put them, that would be the last act they ever did. Cause I would put them in prison and I would do that.

So I never believed in a man hitting a woman under any circumstance and that didn't happen. So thank God for that. But then I had to show compassion for myself. I had to give myself grace and I had to hold that wound. And that doesn't feel good to hold a wound that is that deep. But see, that wound changed the trajectory of my life. It literally did. I was not that person before that beating and who I became after it.

And now I'm getting back to what I was when I was a little girl coming back into wholeness of that person. I had to stop shaming myself for being hurt. had to stop, I mean, I called my father a hypocrite and I would get hit for it. And I didn't even know what the word was. I didn't even say the word. I would just say, I don't have to do what you do. I don't have to do what you say because you do something different. And that was enough to get smacked. mean, that's the person I was as a little kid. I didn't know anything. Obviously I was pretty smart.

but I didn't know anything and I didn't understand why I was getting hit and beaten all the time by saying these things because I thought, know, little kids, what do we do? We mimic our parents. We mimic them. And I kept seeing my father say one thing and do another and I couldn't understand what he was doing. And now I do. I did, when I got older, I did. And by that time there was so much damage done that it's just gone.

Kathleen Flanagan (14:35.118)
And then how about if you start talking to yourself, talk to yourself as you would to a beloved child. I mean, how many times have we just stuffed that little child, our little girl, our little boy inside of us and just ignored it because we didn't know how to deal with it. You know, there's a reason there's this inner child work because that inner child is carrying all the wounds of that we have and we're still walking around holding that today. You know, just...

hold the child's hand and say, see you and you didn't deserve that pain and you are still worthy. And then respect that little child. Because I remember several years ago, I wanted to get out in the world and I was standing at the front door and a friend was guiding me through the door. And in this visualization, I couldn't leave the front door. And she said, why? And I said, well, I'm holding the hand of my little girl.

And I looked down and I said, what's going on? And she said, I just can't do this. I just can't do this right now. I will do it, but I can't do it today. And I honored that. And there was that much more healing because I was pushing myself too far and too much that I wasn't ready, but it was a little girl inside of me that wasn't ready because I always think I'm ready for everything when I'm really not ready for everything. And so that you want to honor that little child inside. And when I did an event in March,

How many times did I go around to tell somebody, you need to look at the little child inside because what's keeping you from moving forward is there's a message you're not listening to and how many people said, that resonates with me. So honor that little child inside, honor the hurt, hold that little baby, that little child and just love the child and honor and respect it because that's where you're going to get the greatest healing because you have to love you.

And if you can't love that little child, then how are you ever gonna love yourself?

Kathleen Flanagan (16:32.428)
And then you want to create a connection. You want to call your soul home. So practices to remember of who you are is prayer and meditation. That's how I found out who I was was through meditation. I mean, in my twenties, I learned how to meditate. I wanted to quiet my mind because it just never stopped talking. And I prayed a lot because I didn't know what was happening and what was going on is my family was so dysfunctional.

that I was the same person. I was as neurotic as they were because of that. And I wanted to break the neuroses, which I did, but it wasn't easy. So I did a lot of praying, a lot of talking and a lot of meditating to try to find wholeness within me. And I worked on inner child work. I went into rebirthing, cause that was a 10 session thing and I did rebirthing. So I understood the trauma around my birth and that I didn't want to be here.

At that time, my father called me in and was like, no, no, no, no, no, because I knew I was gonna have a very difficult life and I did not want to face it and yet I came. And then I had to forgive all of that because I thought he forced me here. That wasn't true, but I thought it at the time because I felt like I, all of a sudden I showed up. I have so many tools around forgiveness because forgiveness is such a big, big.

Big deal on healing. And I spent years, and I mean years, forgiving my father. Didn't forgive my mother. I needed a lot of help with her too, but that was after her death. But you need to learn how to forgive. And it takes more than one forgiveness ritual because there's so much and it goes so deep inside, especially when you've been hurt and brutalized.

or abused in any way, shape or form. And then you want to start saying affirmations of I am whole, I am enough, I am loved, I am worthy. Because you have to do that. There's something about saying the I am and then have the word because it does change the neurotransmitters in your brain when you say I am whole, I am enough, I am loved.

Kathleen Flanagan (18:55.93)
I am worthy. It does something. is scientific evidence behind that. And then the main thing, surround yourself with people who see the real you. I can't tell you how many times I have been around people in my life who did not see me. And I kept bringing the same kind of men into my life, the same kind of women into my life, the same kind of people into my life, over and over and over and over again.

And it just really sucked. And I didn't realize that when I was bringing those same people in, it was they were trying to show me what I needed to heal inside. And the minute I started really working on changing myself, and that was when I went to Chicago in 2008, and I said, I just wanted to be a better person. And that's when everything started to show up. That's when I started to change the people around me. I started getting rid of those people that were plugging in that were

belittling me or shaming me. I was around people that liked me and respected me and trusted me. And it made all the difference because as uncomfortable as that was at that time for me.

I also learned to accept me that, maybe I'm not so bad after all. Maybe there is something of value in there. And I dug deeper and deeper and deeper into that because we are valuable. We are worthy. We are deserving. We are children of God. And we're here for a reason. And it's not to sit there and see how much money you can make. And, you know, if you can have 3.2 kids and five houses and 10 cars, it's not that.

It's about being a good person and creating what does what makes your heart sing and do it. What what are you capable of doing? And I've spent my entire life doing so many different things because I figured I was capable of doing something and I just wanted to discover what I liked and what I didn't. So I tried a lot of things. I've had a lot of career changes because I wanted.

Kathleen Flanagan (21:02.296)
to do something different. And I'm in the middle of another one. mean, with the coaching is one thing, but I'm also going into digital marketing now. So I've got a whole new thing and I love it. And I'm learning how to do things that I didn't know how to do. I'm learning how to market. my God, that is like the biggest thing in my life I didn't know how to do. And then you want to live as your authentic self. Let people see you, the real you. Don't put on a face when you're out in public and then come home and kick the dog.

No, if you're going to be nasty outside, then be nasty and take it out on the person who actually caused it and not just the loved ones who didn't do anything. That's what you want to do, but you're going to take small courageous steps in alignment with what your soul's truth is. So you need to set boundaries. As hard as that is, believe me, and there you will get re-bucked from people all the time coming and going until you finally say no. You start saying no, you speak your needs.

You have a right to do that. You have a right to say no. And I do that. And I've been doing that. And I have set boundaries because you know, if I can't take it on, I can't take it on. And right now I don't know what's going on in my life. All I know is I'm an emotional mess and I can't take on too much more. I finally got my roof done. Now we're dealing with the window issues on the claim. I'm still dealing with the basement. I've got cat issues going on. I got to go to Wyoming tomorrow for a couple of days.

I mean, it's like one thing after another, after another, after another. That's life. Okay. That's life. Life is chaotic. Very chaotic right now. So all I do is I just try to find the peace and seek me. I'd be calm. I'm doing things that make me feel good. I'm doing gardening, things like that to get me to calm down and feel good.

So healing is not about becoming someone else, it's about remembering. And what I'd like to do is I'd like to do a guided meditation real quick to help remove some of those heavy coats that you're wearing and that you can start begin to feel the golden cloak beneath you. And I also would like you right before I start the meditation is the final affirmation and please write this down is I am whole, I am loved, and I remember who I am.

Kathleen Flanagan (23:27.958)
And a journaling exercise would be, have I forgotten about myself that I am ready to remember? And that's a big thing. When you think that you're ready, allow that voice to come in and do it. And then I'm going to invite you to continue with this journey. you know, I've got the activation of light. This is a real simple way to start remembering a little bit. It's real simple. It's free to you. It'll be in the show notes. So just go ahead and download the activation of guide.

the activation guide and you can use that as a starting point with what you're doing.

Kathleen Flanagan (24:08.494)
I also do one-on-one coaching. So if you want to have a 15 minute coaching call, just to get clarity a little bit, fine. Just go to my website, KathleenMFlandigan.com and go ahead and do sign up for that. And we can just help navigate you through some of this because I really don't want you to be suffering and you don't need to suffer. So with that, I'd like for you to close your eyes.

Take a deep, slow breath in.

Exhale gently.

letting your body soften into stillness.

Kathleen Flanagan (24:54.36)
Feel the earth supporting you beneath you.

and a soft gold light above you.

Breathe in that light, let it fill your chest, your heart, your entire body.

Exhale everything heavy you've been carrying.

Kathleen Flanagan (25:24.62)
Now, in your mind's eye, see yourself standing before a full-length mirror.

Kathleen Flanagan (25:35.31)
But this is no ordinary mirror.

It reflects the truth of your soul.

Look into it.

Kathleen Flanagan (25:51.458)
See beyond the hurt.

beyond the masks you've worn.

beyond the stories you've told yourself.

Notice the golden glow at your center.

bright, warm, unshaken by anything you've ever been through.

Kathleen Flanagan (26:21.826)
That light is who you truly are.

Kathleen Flanagan (26:31.36)
As you breathe here, whisper to yourself.

I am whole.

I am love.

I am light.

Kathleen Flanagan (26:47.512)
Take another deep breath.

Kathleen Flanagan (26:52.524)
Feel your heart expand with gratitude.

And when you're ready, slowly open your eyes, carrying your light into the rest of your day.

Kathleen Flanagan (27:11.65)
Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed that meditation. I hope it helped you to bring a little bit more clarity to yourself. Again, you can reach me at KathleenMFlanagan.com, download the activation guide, feel free to reach out for a 15 minute consultation call. I do have forgiveness meditations. One of the best ones is the Heal Emotionally Now, which is with

the Archangel Ariel and myself going through how to change your life and forgive those that have harmed you. And I use this on my mother. I haven't used it on my father yet, but I will. And people that have used this, I have watched their lives do like 180 degree turnaround. I mean, it's just absolutely amazing what this meditation will do and it will show you the truth.

You cannot hide from the truth with the person that you're dealing with and with yourself. It's a very, very, very profound meditation and I highly recommend it. I also am created a money, how to go to the soul and reweave your money issues. I'm in the process, I'm in the middle of testing it out. think that's another reason why I'm a little crazy. And it's profound. It's profound. If you want to change from the root of where you created that,

That will be up shortly. But really there's plenty of lists of services and products that are on the site that will help you to navigate through these challenging waters that will help find peace. There's a lot of free information there. There's a lot of free downloads and I highly suggest that you check it out. And I would love to have a conversation with you. And I'm also in the process of, I'm going to be building a community. I hope to have that done next week. And...

So stay tuned for all the things that I'm doing because I think there's a lot of need for this and to help people to come back and remember who they are. This is Kathleen Flanagan with the journey of an awakening spirit. And I will see all of you next week, Tuesday at 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And from my heart to yours, I hope you have a fabulous week.