From Invisibility to Impact: Sharing the Story I Never Meant to Tell

Kathleen Flanagan (00:01)
Hello everyone and welcome to the Journey of an Awakening Spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan and I'm your host. I had something else planned today to talk about and everything changed. I have been talking about The Infinite Impact, The Stories of Alignment book, the chapter that I wrote in the book and it went live today and we are a number one bestseller. So kudos to all of these amazing authors.

and for Amber Wilhauer for bringing the book to market. This was not an easy process. I am in a very emotional state because as soon as I got on the launch party call at nine o'clock this morning, the tears have been flowing. And this is all relevant to everything that we do. I had been, this story that I wrote about is very deep, very heartfelt and very, very private. It's the story I never wanted

anyone to know. It's the story that I have searched for my whole life because I knew something had changed the trajectory of my life, but I didn't know what it was. The first signs of this story came out in 2009 and I confronted my mother on it and all she did was flail her arms and say, I don't know, there was just so much. And I had to forgive my mother at that moment in time.

because I knew then she was doing the best she could with what she knew at that moment. The thing that I didn't realize was that there was so much more. So when this anthology book came out and Amber asked us authors and certified guides if we would be willing to do something like this and support her in this. And we all, it was a resounding yes from all of us. I mean, we all said yes and we all went down into.

wherever we needed to go to bring this story to life. And for some reason, I knew that this is the story I had to write and it was not one I wanted to write about. And yet it was one I wanted to write about. The conflict was unbelievable. And thank God to Aidan for being the amazing.

coach that he was and holding space for me so I could feel that safety that I so desperately needed to feel to bring this story to life.

I became an invisible person because of the story that's in the book. And I did not want the world to see me. The world was unsafe. I wasn't wanted, I wasn't loved. And that's all I knew. And I was suicidal.

And even though I searched my whole life for this story and what this was, I thank God I did not find it until the time it came up because this has been a very earth shattering, deeply profound shift in my life because not only did I know about the lies in my life when I wrote the books Dancing Souls, this book, this chapter, so much more came.

to the forefront that I didn't know and I didn't expect. There's two interesting things that happened during the process of this book. I wrote this in 2009, my mother died about a year and a half later. And I didn't think much of it then until April when my father died. And my father died the day before I had to have this book in.

the chapter. And I didn't know how to deal with it at that moment.

And it was for, if it wasn't for Aiden helping me, I don't know if I would have been able to complete the chapter because it was just little final tweaks and edits and I couldn't even get through it. It was so hard because...

I was seeing the symbology of this man, like that part of my life was over. I'm in an identity crisis. I don't know who I am because the perpetrator's dead and I was wanting to be right there too because I did not know who I was yet. I had emotions coming up that I did not understand and yes, it was grief, but it was a grief that I didn't understand because I hadn't seen my father in over 30 years.

Haven't talked to him the same amount of time. I mean, it was one of those things of he wasn't part of my life. So why is he having this impact on me?

And I have been with this emotion. And it's not been an easy summer. And I didn't know that this was bothering me. And last week's podcast, I was a blubbering idiot on the podcast launch that Courtney and I had done. And I was a blubbering idiot because the tears were flowing again and they're flowing again today. And I had been in this raging ache.

Anx place for the last several weeks and I didn't realize at that moment. This is Marco. He wants to be on TV. And I didn't realize at that moment.

what I was feeling, but the pressure seemed to be released. I didn't realize that this was more of my father and I kind of suspected it was, but I didn't know for sure. And I didn't realize that this book launch was going to impact me the way that it did. And I thought, well, good, I'm finally over all of this. And then here I am today, another blubbering idiot, but this is a celebration. For me, this is a celebration that I did it.

The world will see me in a way that they have never seen me before. People who may not have liked me or thought I was angry or I was just bitchy or whatever they wanted to think of me and I didn't care what they thought of me. It didn't matter. They judged me and we all judge people and we all need to stop judging people because we don't know what somebody's been through in their life to make those judgments.

I mean, you think that, you know, our jails are full of people that have been, that who knows what happened to them in childhood. They weren't loved, they weren't wanted, they weren't accepted. We don't know, but we know that if we feel safe and we feel that we belong in this world and that somebody loves us, we have a totally different trajectory of life. I chose to be a little bit bigger than...

whatever, but, you know, suicidal tendencies is not good. Having people tell you, wish you were dead because I was making an impact in my life and I didn't even know it. Because no matter how accomplished I was in my life, I never felt it on the inside. I never celebrated any wins in my life. It was always on to the next. And in this event, I'm sitting here for the first time, well, second time, because my last book that hit number one, I really celebrated.

and I'm doing that again. And this one means something so much more because even though my books meant something to me because there was so much depth and pain that I had to face and look at, this story is what defined me in my life. This story is what the contract between my mother and father was about.

I don't have all the answers to all of that yet and I intended to try to get more answers before today, but that didn't happen because it just didn't happen for many reasons. And I think right now for me, I'm watching my life unfold in a way and I can't tell you how terrified I am at this moment of coming out. I thought coming out on a podcast without Brave TV behind me was scary.

And I thought doing three podcasts a week was scary. It's like nothing beats what I'm feeling at the moment with a very, very private story that the world will forever see. Whoever buys that book will see that story. The invisibility, the suffering in silence, the people that I want to reach that are so afraid and so mistrusting. And I did it. I have...

push through my own fears when I realized that I'm safe, regardless, regardless of what I think up here, I'm safe and it's illusion I've always been taken care of, I've always been provided for, I've always had love in my life. It may not have come from my family, but I have always had love in my life. I've have friends in my life and I'm a very blessed person because of that. What I needed to do and chose to do

was to come out and start making the first move. Connect with people in a way that I've never connected with. It's one thing that I hear your story and I hold the space for you because I do that really, really well. My motto has been, you're safe. And I always created that safety for people around me.

I had a sign that I wore on my chest and back that says, me your deepest, darkest secrets because I can hold it and I'm not afraid of it. And they did. And I never understood that until now to the depth of what that was about because I didn't have that in my life and I couldn't find it anywhere in my life. And what did that tell me? That that was me. I'm the one who's supposed to create that place for people.

I know that a lot, my life got very busy over the summer. I was not expecting that. Thank God. You know, thank God. I'm grateful for the things that are happening. I've got people that are reaching out to me, inviting me for leaderships coming out on stages. And I'm not trying to toot my own horn for the sake of tooting my own horn. I'm just saying that when you do the hard work, there are benefits and blessings on the other side. What I'm gonna do with it, I don't know.

I don't know what I'm going to do right now. All I know is right now I am in this place. I'm in this emotional celebration. I'm in an emotional release. The ties that bound me to this earth and the anger and the rage that I had for so many years is leaving and it gets lighter and lighter and lighter.

I'm not perfect and I'm never going to be perfect. But one thing that I did realize in this last week was that I live between two worlds and I know that, but I want to go higher. And the only way I can go higher is that I have to go deeper inside to find and bring more light to what's inside of me.

It's not easy, it doesn't feel good. I understand sometimes the emotion. Sometimes I don't know what's going on, so I go in and find out. Sometimes we have to sit in it. And I had a woman that I'm gonna start bringing people on the show starting in October, I'm gonna start bringing guests back on. And she said, I'm really sorry you had a tough year. And I said, but there's blessings in it. The ebb and flow of life. We just need to be.

relaxed into the ebb and flow of life. And if nothing else, I think I've learned how to do that instead of trying to like, if I'm feeling icky, instead of dealing with it the way I used to, I'm sitting with it, I'm being with it, I'm breathing through it, and I'm asking, but I'm keep moving forward in a positive direction. I still take those baby steps so I can have the life that I want. And it's not, it's just, that's what life is. That's what life does.

And you know, when we did this live launch today and I got to hear everybody's story, I read everybody's story back when Amber gave us the PDF version when she sent it off to the publisher. I read everybody's story at that point. I had three of those people were on my podcast and I didn't realize that that was their stories that they were telling on my podcast at the time. So I mean, it was like, wow, this is really cool. Like I knew their story and I didn't even know this was the story that made the change in their life.

because the journey of an awakening of spirit is what was the pivotal moment in your life that changed the trajectory of your life? And these people write about it and they share it and it's heartfelt and it's profound and there's a connection with people because with AI coming out, there's such a further disconnection that's even happening even more. I mean, you could have 10,000 followers on Facebook, but that doesn't mean they're gonna be in the hospital when you're dying, okay?

And that's a reality. I'm sorry, I got my cat on my desk and his fur's flying.

I don't care if I have 10,000 followers. None of that's important to me. What's important is the people that I connect with, the people that I touch in my life. How can I be of service to someone else? And I had a friend of mine, I was talking to her and I said, you know, I should be charging money for some of this stuff. And she just started laughing and she said, you know, you're right about that, but you're also that kind of person that you want to help and support people so that way they can have other things going on in their life. So.

You know, I did all this hard work. So even in my invisibility, I may not have made a lot of connections and I do have a lot of connections, believe me, I do. And I can call a lot of these people if I want to because of who they are and the work that I've done throughout my life on this. And because they know that I would never ask anything of them unless I really needed it. So that's another cool thing about it.

But the whole point was when she was saying this to me, she's like, and I said, well, yeah. So I said, in my invisibility, what did it do? I just learned how to do a lot of things. So yeah, I'm very accomplished. I know how to do a lot of things. And the other thing that I realized at that moment too was that, yes, I've been taken for money. I've had...

things happen to me. I mean, we're all victims of it in some form or another, but we're not really victims because we created it for a lesson or something we needed to learn or a karmic debt or whatever it is. And I said, but on a whole, the people that I have been working with and associated with probably in the last five years, I think I found some of the best in the industry. And that's how I feel about it.

because of the things that I've learned, because they've empowered me. They didn't do the work for me, they empowered me to do this. I mean, I think of Alex Samfolipo with PodMatch. I mean, I met him and he was still working his job when he started this and look at where PodMatch is today and where he's at today. I mean, he's held my hand when I had to navigate from Bold Brave TV. ⁓

disappearing and what do I do and how do I do it and where do I go? Because I didn't know this side of podcasting. I showed up and then I did all the backend. I didn't know how to do the front end. And he just helped me to, you know, just recommended, because I was doing research when I got out of the brain mush and I'm doing it and it's easy. And then I had Courtney come on and I'm like, well, you know, I need to learn how to get.

people on my show and I'm not sure how to do it. So I would rather do it with somebody I feel safe and comfortable and who's not going to get upset with me. And it was smooth. That's why I said I'm ready to bring people on again because I'm ready. I needed this time for me, for me. I needed to get grounded in me, get feeling comfortable with where I am to the depth that I've gone. And some of the guests that I'm looking at bringing on are going to blow.

your mind away because I'm bringing more deeper feeling emotional people that went through even more trauma that went through things that are like, like I have a gentleman I've said I want him to come on. So I'm waiting to hear back if he's still interested. And I said, you scare me because I'm not sure how to navigate through this and it's such an important topic and I will find a way. And I'm not worried about it.

You know, in June when he approached me, there was no way I was like, I can't do him yet. I want to, but I can't do it yet. And I think I needed to just be in this space and deal with this book coming out and then what this emotional state is that I'm in. And that one thing that none of us really ever do is celebrate our successes and our wins. And I'm here to share that with you.

today because we all need to celebrate ourselves.

When you celebrate you, your world expands. yeah, people can be jealous of you, but most people are happy for your success. I'm always happy for someone's success, but I was never happy for mine, and now I am. I mean, bring in this book, and being a number one bestseller on a topic that's what I talk about, but it's not the same. It's a little different.

So I expanded myself a little bit more. But at the same time, because of this book, I also started my fourth book. You know, I'm bringing in so much more information, so much deeper, profound information for people. I have this money meditation that takes you to the core of your money stuff. And I haven't launched it yet because I'm living it and it does work.

And that's what's exciting is that like all of a sudden I feel like I know where I'm going. I have an understanding. I changed all of my websites to bring this chapter of me into the world. And believe me, it didn't feel good. I was terrified, I'm vulnerable. I don't like feeling vulnerable. And yet at the same time, I love it because I know I'm bringing things towards me.

and they're good things, it's not all bad things.

That's what I wanted to celebrate today is because we all need to take time to celebrate ourselves. And I'm gonna be doing the shows that I planned, like this week's show is gonna be next week and I'm gonna keep doing the things that I say, but this was something that was so emotionally impactful for me today. And I want to be very present when I'm doing this. I want to be in the moment of where I am. And so yes, I can plan whatever.

but I'm all over the place. mean, trying to just finish like things I have to do because I'm gonna be in this launch party of this seminar with the authors in the next two days, I just have to get things done. And I'm like, know, and I'm bouncing off the walls and I'm crying and I'm excited. And that's the main thing is I'm super excited.

I'm going to cut this short only because I don't want to take up your time and have you feeling like I'm not delivering a message of any relevance, but I really do think this is important and it is relevant because regardless of what happened in your life, you will rise above it and you can rise above it. It's your choice. It's always, always, always your choice. And if you need anybody to help support you to navigate through

some of these childhood traumas or whatever you're feeling, I'm here for you. I've been there, I've done it, and I'm on the other side, and I'm here to support you. So please go to KathleenMFlanagan.com, check out my list of services, sign up for a 15 minute call with me, and I will be more than happy to help navigate you and see what we can do to help each other. I do have the light activation guide, and yes, it's just a little cheerio, but it's a start.

and all you have to do is just start. If you like what you heard today or you found any value or you know of anyone who needs this, please like and subscribe and send them the link. I would really appreciate that. And I wanna thank all of you for your time today. I do appreciate every single one of you. And from my heart to yours, I hope you all have a fabulous week.