Coming Home to the Self You Forgot: Living Whole, Free, and True

Kathleen Flanagan (00:03)
Is it just me or do you sometimes catch yourself living someone else's life while your true self waits patiently to be remembered? I spent years chasing goals that weren't mine, collecting achievements that felt hollow once I got them. The promotion I worked 80 hours a week for. It came with a fancy title but zero fulfillment. The relationship that looked perfect on Instagram.

Behind the scenes, we were two strangers sharing a space, not a life. I was living someone else's definition of success and my true self was buried under expectations that were never mine to begin with. But here's what happened when I finally got reacquainted with my authentic self. I discovered this unshakable confidence that no external validation could ever match.

It's like having a personal hype person living in your head rent free available 24 seven. When you know yourself deeply setting meaningful goals becomes almost effortless. You develop this laser focus on what actually matters to you and not what should matter according to someone else's playbook. The wildest part self discovery gives you permission to honor your deepest desires without apology.

It's like unlocking new levels in a video game, each one more exciting than the last. Coming home to yourself is in some mystical journey requiring a passport and yoga retreat in Bali. It starts with simple question. What would I choose if no one was watching? Because whole life, living whole, free and true isn't about adding more to your life.

It's about removing everything that isn't authentically yours. Your true self has been waiting patiently. Maybe today's the day you finally remember who you really are. Hello everyone and welcome to the journey of an awakening spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan, your host.

And I want to start with another question for you. When was the last time you felt completely at home in yourself before the world told you who to be?

I know for me.

I wore a mask and I didn't say those terms and I didn't look at any of it back then, but I know that I wore a mask back in those days. There's no doubt in my mind. I was doing what was expected of me. wanted to, I just felt like there were things I needed to do and I didn't want to do them. And so I'm very accomplished. mean, I can take a.

40 foot sailboat and I can sail the ocean blue with it. That's what's so cool about some of the things I did. And I enjoy doing it, but it didn't really mean anything. I came in in dance competitions and of course it made me feel good, but it was still not enough. Even though I love dance and it made, I just, yeah, it was just nothing felt right for me. And I think that's the main thing was that I always felt disconnected and I've.

I've talked about this in the past too, that this is the outside of me, this is the inside, and I never felt like I was whole and complete. I didn't know what this felt like. And I spent a lifetime getting to this point. And I did an interview yesterday on a show and she asked some very deep questions and very personal questions, good questions. Don't get me wrong, I loved them. I didn't want to know what the questions were.

I was surprised by him and it brought tears to my eyes because partly when she asked these questions of when did this happen and how did this happen and what would you say to somebody about it? And I think the main thing when she asked those questions, I went back to 2008 when I wrote the book, Souls, that that was my pivotal moment where I decided I wanted to be a better person.

And that meant I didn't want to be angry anymore. I didn't want to hold people at bay anymore. I just wanted to feel happy. I wanted to feel joy. I wanted to know how the other half of the world lived because whatever I was doing was not living. I was doing a lot of things. People liked me. They respected me. People listened to me. All that was that was all fine and dandy and I had no issue with it, but it wasn't.

like the real me coming out. And I think that was what really bothered me the most was just how lost and disconnected I felt. And when she asked some questions, it got to the root of when my mother died is when everything started to, I mean, our everything collapsed at that moment because I realized that my mother didn't love me at that point. And I realized that my family, was like, we didn't learn this, we didn't learn this. And spirit had to stop and say, no, this isn't you.

They learned it, you chose not to. And I realized that whatever that family was, was not a family. It was very dysfunctional, it had a lot of issues. And I was so close to beings, I always say I don't wanna live in a Buick down by the river, but that's where I felt like I was going. And she asked me about some of those things and that was the awakening. mean, I was...

To me, I was hanging on to my life by the fingernails of one hand. I didn't want to live anymore. That much I knew. I was done. I was tired. I was in pain. I didn't see joy. didn't see love. I didn't see anything. All I saw coming at me from my family was just venomous hate. And I don't know what I did to those people. And people ask, well, what'd you do to them? And I was like, I have no frigging idea what I did to them. I think it was because it was who I was and what...

and that I had a very strong light where they didn't. Excuse me, and I think that's the only thing that I could do. And the depression was so intense at that point too. But that was my moment of awakening. was spirit had said, just get in the bathtub, get the jets on excited, jet a tub, put some essential oils in, they told me what to do and take the tuning forks and it hit.

When I put the tuning fork on the water, it was like my brain rewired, because it was like all the way through. And it just really, really surprised me when that happened. But the extent of the deep grief was gone. It was like I had a moment where I could start coming back. And so I did, I visualized what would it be like if I was living in a Buick down by the river, because our brain doesn't know the difference.

So I visualized what that looked like, what that felt like, and it didn't feel good. So I decided I didn't like that. So I started changing the way I was operating. And I did, I asked for a lot of help during that period of time. Nobody helped me except for one person. She gave me rent for two months because she really liked my place and didn't want me to lose it. And I had to grovel to my landlady and God, she was a nasty witch too. I'm telling you, she was a witch. And...

I groveled and I knew I was gonna have to grovel and I did. And I said, it's not gonna happen the second time because I was too late, weeks late on my rent. I said, I will have the rent on time. And I did because what I did at that moment, even though the self-talk and the limiting beliefs were going headstrong about you're worthless, you should get a job at McDonald's, know.

That kind of thing and I'm like, yeah, $8 an hour at McDonald's when this is my rent and I have a car payment and high utilities and blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, wasn't gonna work for me. And so what I did when I came out of that was, what do you want? It was, what do I want? And so I dialed in on what I wanted. And then I started to become grateful. I just was like, I'm grateful that I'm back in Colorado.

And then the next day I'm grateful that the skies are blue. And I'm telling you, whatever that did, because it took me from a very dark, low energy vibration to a higher vibration. And those two things, and that's all I said probably for a week, because that's all I felt like I was grateful for, excuse me. And I came in and I just dealt with it. And it was like, all of a sudden it was magical.

Like things were coming towards me, I resolved, whatever my ex-business partner was, I mean, I was trying to get away from him because I couldn't deal with him anymore. we just worked something, it got worked out. I don't know how it got worked out, but it got worked out. And I started making money and everything started to move. And by the end of that year, I was close to $100,000 and I was destitute like 10, 11 months prior. And I'm like, whoa.

I didn't know how I did it. I just did it. was like, just follow what you need to do. What can you do? And I did. And we got some good contracts that came in with the business. That was some of it. And I just was making money hand over fist and it was felt so good. But that was my awakening moment. That's when I realized that everything can work out because I didn't know how deeply our minds

put us in hell. And that's how I felt about it. So when I came, when I did that, it was like I was a baby starting all over again of how do I grow? Where do I want to go? Who am I? What do I even think? I didn't know a thing about myself at that moment because the way I want to look, say this was, it's like I was the caterpillar and everything when all that deep darkness came in. And I talked about this and not

podcast too that when that deep darkness came in, when we're in the middle of the transformation and we don't know who we are and it's ugly and we're messy and nobody wants to be around us because we suck because we don't know what's going on. But see, that's when that's when the transformation is happening. That's when that we're in the cocoon of the caterpillar and the caterpillar is completely down into goo. OK, we're in goo and you're just like wandering and you're just

I don't know who I am, I don't know where I'm going, but that's the rebuilding, that's the phoenix rising, that's you coming back into you. I think it was, mean, looking back at it, it was exciting. Now, back then it sucked to be me. But I realized at that point when I got on the other side of this, what happened was that I was coming out of the cocoon. My gratitude got me out of the cocoon, having a few people in my life.

came out of the cocoon, me deciding what I wanted, of who I wanted to be in my family. What did my family look like? And I started building that. I started building the world I wanted for myself. And the more I did it, know, cause when the caterpillar's coming out, it's all gooey and it's got to get its wings going and it's got to do all this stuff and then it's free. Well, that's what I was doing in those early months of

What is it that I want? And I didn't know how to get there, but I stayed up here in my mind because it's not for me to know how to do it. It's about the co-creation with spirit at that point in time. But that's when I came back to me, the true essence of me. And I just kept working through it and working through it. And it was years because I'm here to teach you how to do this. And I know every step of your journey because I lived every step of my journey.

So I know, so the books give you an idea of what it's like, where you're going, and they mean something different to every person. You're going to get something different out of it every time you read the Dancing Souls trilogy. I do. I look at them like, my God, I had no idea what these books were about. Because when you're living it, you don't know. But when you get on the other side, because Spirit said, I want you to read all your books again and look at it. And every time I reread the entire series, I'm like, wow, I got something different out of it.

because as I grow and evolve, that book is showing me more and more and more. When they said these books were a manual, they are right, they are a manual. And I'm not trying to promote the books necessarily, but I came to a whole new realization about everything yesterday on that podcast. Like all this new stuff came down and it wasn't about coming home and fixing myself, it was just remembering that I was never broken.

because I always thought there was something wrong with me. I had no value, no meaning. A lot of it came from my family. I'll give you that because of my unworthiness and unlovable issues that I had for so long, but it was, I was coming home to myself. And so she also asked me about when did you come back for ⁓ Boundaries 2008?

I was dealing with a lot of darkness in this apartment because it was a vortex and there was a lot of stuff going on and I had people who put spells on me and were sending darkness to me. This house had a demon in it, I'm telling you. It was a demon and it wanted to kill me. I mean, it took over the people that lived in the downstairs of that property. Excuse me. And I just was talking about this woman that was a so-called friend of mine at the time and

I had her and another person over and we were kind of playing with the energy, not a lot of it because I don't like playing with energy like that. And I finally said, no, we got to stop this because I could feel something really dark and sinister was coming in. And she got really angry at me and she just yelled at me about how I did this and this and this and how this person felt like this and this and this. And of course I talked to that person and she didn't feel any of that, but she was making all this up. And then she was so frigging angry at me.

And I just sat there and I held my boundaries. It was like, I'm not doing this, we're not playing, and that's the bottom line. And I held my boundaries. Now, it wasn't easy to do that, but I did it anyways.

And then I think it was about a month later, two months later, somewhere in there, she comes back over and she kinda apologized because she went to a psychic and I guess she complained to the psychic about me because she said, well, know, the psychic said that you were protecting us because I was dealing with something very dark and sinister. I'm like, okay, yeah, that's true. But it was like it didn't matter because

I didn't care if she liked me anymore. I didn't care about some of that stuff anymore because of how it felt. I was like, I was in my power and I knew better. And this is if somebody who just wanted to play with energy and didn't, and you don't play with this energy. This energy is real. And until you understand that and you work with the energy, you don't fully know that.

And so it was like, was bringing all these lost souls, all these lost fragments of myself, because, know, we go through life and it's like, I don't want to deal with that. I don't want to deal with that. And you just push it away, but it really stays inside. And so it was about accepting that I couldn't avoid the pain anymore. And I faced the pain.

I mean, yes, I was living in pieces. I was emotionally exhausted and there was an element of spiritual numbness. Now they were still there, they're still talking to me, but it was like I was on so much overload and just needed to heal. And I remember...

I just remember...

I was sitting on my front porch and I had my eyes open and it was like right here I could see myself in a hospital. I was in a chair and everybody's working with me but what I saw was my light body full of holes and I just looked at it and I was like, could, are you saying I'm like, it was almost dead? Because I didn't feel that and yet I was and I did and that was a huge message they gave me by.

showing me that, but I could see when people, when their light is draining out of them now. I can see that. I can see what it feels like. I can see when they're doing too much and they need to rest and they're not, because you can't come out of a transformation like this and just keep moving forward. You have to rest. You have to come back and slowly come back into your life. And that's what I did.

You know, was my soul was calling me back home. You know, there were dreams, there were synchronicities and angst and an ache that there was something more. And I just kept doing that and I kept feeling that. And I took a lot of courage to just listen and trust the process. And it was a long process. And believe me, I went through a lot of things to bring lightness, more light to areas of this planet.

And what I came to realize is that wholeness is imperfection. It's just a radical acceptance of all of who I am. It doesn't matter if I'm a Tasmanian devil or if I'm one of the most loving, compassionate people, or I'm just kind of blind, feeling not with it. That's all okay because we're human and that's what we go through. We have cycles of up and down. We ebb and flow. The oceans ebb and flow. We just get into harmony.

with nature and it's going to help you to accept who you are. the end and the ego has to surrender and the ego only surrenders when you stop it. And what I mean by ego, the ego is who you are, but the ego is still living as Brian, as Ryan Williamson said last week in the show is that we're still living in the caveman days and we are no longer that and we have to get rid of that.

and let the soul lead us. Because when our soul leads us, that's when you're going to find the joy, the happiness, the love, the money, the prosperity, whatever it is you're looking for, it will be there. And it becomes a real freedom where you're living aligned with your truth and not what others expect of you. You know, so many people, I mean, I know there's still people that think I should be a certain way and it's like, yeah, go screw yourself. I don't care. I don't care what you think. And you know, and I say that to Sal a lot and

He's learning to say, don't care too. Now I don't like him saying that to me at sometimes, but I understand what he means by it because there's a point when you just don't care. You're gonna do what you need to do and that's final. And so you work through that in relationships. And Sel and I are so good because we're so aligned on so many things that it, you I understand where he's at. I mean, he's out and you know, I hardly see him all day long because he's doing his thing, I'm doing my thing.

I'm trying to build my business and he's trying to figure out what he wants to do, but he is going through and cleaning and sorting and finally dumping so much stuff, which I'm so happy about. But see, there's no expectation. I don't ask him to do it. He's just doing it.

So what I'd like to do is help you, give you like a small meditation as we're closing to guide you through a short ritual to embody this message. So I'm going to invite you to place your hand on your heart and close your eyes.

I call back every part of me I've forgotten, abandoned, or denied.

I welcome myself home with love.

Imagine a golden light weaving through every fragment and part of your being, your mind, your heart, your body, and your soul. Reconnecting them as one radiant whole.

I am safe in my wholeness.

I am free to be who I am.

Now take three deep breaths, inhale.

and exhale to ground the energy.

Inhale.

And exhale.

more time, inhale.

And exhale.

I'm going to invite you to journal on what you experienced.

and ask yourself three questions as well. Where have I been living from someone else's truth?

What parts of myself am I ready to welcome home?

And what does living whole, free, and true look like for me now?

I want to reaffirm you were never lost. You simply forgot how magnificent you are.

I'm gonna encourage you to download the light activation guide. And I just about ready to start my I am the light sanctuary that we can continue this. I'm very close. I'm hoping I can have this up by December 1st. I know I've been talking about it, but there's a lot of work getting involved in this, but it's almost there and I'm so excited.

And I just want to let you know that you're not alone. You're not ever alone. There's always somebody there. If it's a spirit guide, your angels, God, whatever you wanna call it, it's always there. You can look into nature and it's there. You have intuition and you just need to learn to trust that. Listen to that quiet still voice. And yes, sometimes it sounds like you and sometimes it doesn't.

but learn to ask the questions. And I think the best way for me, I learned when I was, it sounded like my voice in my head when I was receiving messages is I went to bed at night and asked a question. And I just let it go into the ethers to do what it did. And I swear when I woke up and I went to take out the sheets, the answer would drop. And it's like about 99.9 % of the time the answer drops. Sometimes it drops that morning.

A lot of times it does depending on the question and other times it takes a little bit longer because I'm not ready for whatever that answer is. And I think that's one great way for you to start listening and trusting your intuition because when you do, it's amazing how much magic starts to appear in your life. I wanna thank you for joining me today. If you like what you heard, feel free to like and subscribe to the channel.

or give the link to someone who may need to hear this message. I want to let you know that the Dancing Souls books, they are on the Kathleen Flanagan.com site and they're also on Amazon if you want to do it. If you buy them off the site and you buy all three, there's I think 15 % discount on it. So it's like $45 for the books, something like that. So feel free to look into the books doing that. And again, download the ⁓

Pre-activation guide, it is free to you. And it just starts to give you a little bit of a guidance of where you're going. And I will see all of you next week, 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Thank you.