Jessie Torres: As I prepare to speak on various shows or podcasts, I often reflect on how to best explain the divine choreography that has shaped my journey. I firmly believe that every step, every experience, no matter how painful, has been guided by something greater than myself. It’s a divine unfolding, but to make it relatable, I know I have to share the depths of darkness that often accompany the path to awakening.
For many of us, hitting rock bottom can be the catalyst for profound spiritual transformation. It’s in those moments of despair that we begin to ask, "If this is the lowest point, where is the upside?" We start searching for light, a flicker of hope to guide us out of the shadows.
My own story is rooted in trauma. I come from a history of child abuse at the hands of my father. At 16, I tried to escape by telling my mother, but nothing changed. By the time I was 18, I was desperate to leave and found myself in a relationship with someone who recognized the abuse I was experiencing for the first time. I fell deeply in love and quickly got married, hoping to find the safety I had been denied growing up.
But what I didn’t realize at the time was that I had unknowingly adopted the belief that I was dirty, unlovable, and undeserving of happiness. I didn’t know that shame had become a constant companion. My husband and I both carried trauma from our pasts—his mother was an alcoholic, and his home life was filled with chaos. Despite our love, we were both burdened by invisible wounds. We believed that as long as we avoided the overtly destructive behaviors we had witnessed growing up, we would be fine. But we didn’t understand the micro-traumas that would shape our marriage and our lives.
Trauma, I’ve come to believe, isn’t just the big, obvious events like abuse or assault. It’s the meaning we attach to experiences, especially in childhood. As human beings, we are meaning-making machines. We create stories around our experiences, and those stories become the lens through which we see the world. For me, the belief that I was unworthy of love was a story I didn’t even know I had internalized. My husband, too, carried beliefs about his own worthlessness, instilled by his mother’s constant verbal abuse. We didn’t know these beliefs were operating in the background, shaping our actions and reactions.
Our marriage, though rooted in love, became a place of deep pain. I lived in a constant state of hypervigilance, never knowing when the next emotional landmine would explode. Over time, I became numb, trapped in apathy. At my lowest point, I didn’t want to live. The only thing that kept me going was my children.
What shifted for me, what sparked my awakening, was an act of kindness. It wasn’t something grand; it was a small gesture, but it reignited a tiny flame of hope within me. I didn’t know to call it kindness at the time. All I knew was that if this feeling existed, if there was even a glimmer of something better, then maybe life was worth living after all.
That moment marked the beginning of my insatiable hunger to understand human behavior. I needed to know how I had ended up in such a dark place. I started therapy, read countless books, and sought out answers. It became my quest—not just to understand myself, but to help others navigate their own journeys.
What I’ve learned, and what I’m passionate about sharing today, is that so much of our suffering comes from the things we don’t know about ourselves. It’s the undiagnosed, unacknowledged, and unresolved traumas that keep us stuck. We may believe we had a "normal" upbringing, but even seemingly small events can leave lasting imprints. A child who briefly loses sight of their mother in a grocery store may carry an unconscious fear of abandonment into adulthood, affecting their relationships in ways they can’t understand.
The journey of healing requires us to bring these unconscious beliefs to light. Only then can we truly move forward, free from the limitations they impose. This is why I’m so passionate about helping others—because once we recognize the invisible wounds we carry, we gain the power to heal them and create lives of purpose, love, and joy.
The divine choreography of my journey, and perhaps yours too, is one of awakening. From the darkness of trauma to the light of understanding, each step has its purpose. And it’s through that understanding that we find our way back to ourselves—whole, worthy, and loved.
