From Model to Empowerment: Christine Handy's Unbelievable Journey

KATHLEEN: Christine Handy is an international print and runway model. Christine is the author of the book Walk Beside Me. A fictional depiction of Christine's life. Christine became a keynote speaker after her book was published in 2016. Christine is a mentor, a breast cancer advocate, a public figure, a Social Media Influencer, a nationally recognized humanitarian and a mother of two sons.

KATHLEEN: Christine serves on the board of three nonprofit organizations E Beauty People Of Purpose and the Break Free Foundation. Christine's first novel is currently being adapted into a film called. Hello. Beautiful welcome, Christine.

CHRISTINE: Hi. Thank you for having me.

KATHLEEN: Oh, I'm so glad and I know that you're a little crazy and I want to talk about this, but I want people to know who you are first. So tell everybody a little bit about what your journey of you becoming an awakening spirit has been all about.

CHRISTINE: Well, that music really helped me, by the way, I feel I could feel it deep inside my soul.

CHRISTINE: I started modeling at the age of 11. That's a very young and it had impacted my life greatly. In fact, I would say it was probably one of the most powerful teachers of my life.

CHRISTINE: And I'll explain why I've basically gone full circle in the modeling industry. I started as a young lady and did years and years and years of print work. Now I currently do runway work, which is totally different than what I did growing up.

CHRISTINE: And the reason I do modeling now is because I have lost my chest to breast cancer and actually had breast implant illness as well. So I now model to give people hope about realizing that their internal beauty is really who they are.

CHRISTINE: It's not external, nothing about our external dictates our future, nothing about our external dictates who we are. It is all how we feel about ourselves. It is all inside and I went from thinking my external was everything, it meant everything to me, right?

CHRISTINE: As a young model and in that profession and in that space for so many years and it's so externally driven and it's so transactional. And of course, if that's what you learned, especially at those formative years and very impressionable years, that's what you believe.

CHRISTINE: And so I was taught at a very young age that people were transactional and life was transactional and work was transactional and I was wrong and I've had to relearn because of illness and because of a colon resection because of an arm incident with a bad doctor, which is a huge long story and I won't get into it now.

CHRISTINE: And then a cancer diagnosis, all of those injuries, physical and emotional injuries forced me into this fire where I just had to say to myself, ok, I've now lost my external beauty. I have no hair. I weigh 90 not right now.

CHRISTINE: But during my cancer diagnosis, I am 90 lbs. wet. I'm barely alive. I can barely get out of bed. Why did the external matter so much? Why did the materialism matter so much? The truth is it didn't.

CHRISTINE: But I had to get to that refining moment where I was like, none of this matters, what matters is love, what matters is God, what matters is faith and the tenants that I had built my life on all crumbled around me because they were built on Quicksand. If you build your life on things of this world, then that can be a roller coaster or it can be taken away.

CHRISTINE: Right. Relationally, financially, physically, those things could be shattered and taken away. Well, if you build your life on that, then you're going to be in a constant state of anxiety. And, it's a very difficult way to live, which is how I live for too many years.

CHRISTINE: Now, once I, after my cancer diagnosis, when I rebuilt my life on my internal prowess, my internal beauty, my internal faith and drive, then I realized that I was unstoppable. Nobody could mute me. Nothing could stop me.

CHRISTINE: I could go back to Harvard and get a degree. At 48 years old, I could go back into the modeling space and help other people with their self-esteem by modeling with a concave chest and all of those things I could do because I had no fear anymore.

CHRISTINE: I had no fear of other people's opinions. I had no fear of failure because I had already gone to the pit and I came back with a fire that nobody could stop. Right? So that's a very shortened version of my journey. But it's the cliff notes.

KATHLEEN: I get that. So tell me when you were in this pit and we know you were probably in a very deep pit of despair and hopelessness. And who am I? What am I? What actually triggered you to go further in what came up for you, for you to move into that direction that you're in today?

CHRISTINE: What's interesting because it's such a good question. You know, if you're in that pit and you're in that despair and you're in that duress, you can keep going. Everybody has a choice. I had a choice and, and by the way, I wanted to keep going, I wanted to keep going. I wanted to keep digging into that duress.

CHRISTINE: And I wanted to just feel one, I was having the chemo was affecting my brain and I was looking around like the whole world is going forward and why am I stuck here? And, so you feel this kind of loss of self and loss of purpose and loss of identity and I could have stayed in that space and that would be my choice. I had complete control over that. Now I had friends that showed up for me.

CHRISTINE: I had family that showed up for me and they said to me, God will never forsake you this time of your life, this season of your life, which has a beginning, a middle and an end will have purpose. But you have to see it to believe it and you have to see it to do it. And so during those months and months and months of really great physical pain and duress, I started to do some introspective work.

CHRISTINE: And instead of focusing on the fear and focusing on the anxiety and focusing on the outcome, I started to focus on the faith. I started to focus on every single day. That was the blessing. The moment was the blessing. And what could I do in that moment? In those moments, I could show courage. And once I was showing courage to myself, then I was showing courage to the community, my own family and my friends.

CHRISTINE: And so I was building rebuilding my self esteem on courage and faith. I was looking to God as my measure and no longer this world, not what I could accomplish, but how much I could talk to God every day and talk to God about. Ok, what will you have for me? Not, what do I want? What will you have for me?

CHRISTINE: And so when you get rid of that outcome of, am I going to live or die? And you just say, ok, God, whatever you have for me, let's go. That's a totally different way to live. And if you can live that way every single day again, it won't be such a roller coaster. You'll be one learning how to live more in peace and in faith and in trust versus on this constant hamster wheel that we call this society.

KATHLEEN: That's very true because I know when I was in my pits of despair, that was where I went as I've just focused in an inward on faith and God and believed in him and trusted him and my mouth, I discovered a mouth and I became unstoppable as well of and I contributed mainly with gratitude because that was the only thing at that moment in time I knew what to do was just thank you that I'm back in Colorado because I was in Chicago the year before.

KATHLEEN: And as painful as all of that was coming back into that made a big difference. And that one little, that one little tiny baby step took me on a trajectory that I never expected.

KATHLEEN: Well, I'm sure what's happening with you.

CHRISTINE: Yeah. Well, I had 15 months of chemotherapy and people showed up every day. And so it was day after day after day of people showing up and I would look around and go well, if they're showing up for me, why am I not showing up for me? What's it about them that they can show up for me that I'm losing, I'm not doing that for myself.

CHRISTINE: And I had to really answer those questions inside and it was like this self doubt and this fear and this self pity and this, I was a victim. Why was this happening to me instead of saying that to myself. I was like, no way I can be a vine in the same moment, we can be a victim in the exact same moment, we can be a vine. It's really your choice.

CHRISTINE: And so my friends by showing up for me, by coming every single day and saying no, it's gonna cost us something. It's gonna cost us resources and time and relationally. But you are our Bible study right now. And if we can focus on you, you should try to start focusing on you and remember that we will never forsake you in this season. And if it's season after season of duress and pain, we're still here.

CHRISTINE: And I just thought, man, I should be doing that for myself. And so I learned how to do that for myself. And now I do that for other people. It's now my job to show up, not just for myself, but for other people in the same way that my friend showed up for me. And I gotta tell you, I feel like a whole facilitator and that's the best job in the world.

KATHLEEN: Well, I know that when I was going through it, I learned who my friends were during that period of time as well. And even though I didn't have any kind of notoriety, it didn't matter. The point is, is that if they're there for you or they're not there for you, and I got to see very clearly my thinking, who was around me?

KATHLEEN: What they were, how they were responding to me like, well, you're the rock of Gibraltar. And if you're falling, then that means I'm gonna fall right behind you. And I'm like, but I'm not the rock of Gibraltar. I have a very strong faith that I move on. But when you're down, you need somebody to help you because, you know, we all fall.

KATHLEEN: Yes, we all fall. And, when I discovered who my friends were and thank God that I had a couple of people that just sat there and listened to me because my mother died during that period. And then all this abuse of my life came forward. I mean, it was one thing after another, after another. And when I read my third book because it got published in December 31st. Yeah.

KATHLEEN: I was so stunned of the depth of pain and despair that I was in during that period. And all I did was fight and go deeper, go deeper, go deeper and like what you were saying because I had to answer those questions because I was so unworthy in my own thinking. And I don't know where that was other than I was told I didn't have any value as a child.

KATHLEEN: So I had to break those types of paradigms. So even though I'm in this type of a situation and you're over here in this modeling world, which is a crazy world anyways. And then you're developing a totally different set of things. But the questions are still the same.

CHRISTINE: Absolutely.

KATHLEEN: Always the same is what I've discovered.

CHRISTINE: Here's the other thing that's such a good point. Self-talk is critical. You know, we give so many people grace, right? We give our friends grace, we give our family grace, we give society grace, maybe not even warranted, but we don't often give ourself grace and self-grace starts with self-talk.

CHRISTINE: I used to say to myself, I'll never forget when I started to do this introspection. I remember thinking to myself, you're just, you're not pretty enough, you're not good enough, you're not worthy of these people showing up. And I kept thinking to myself, why would I say that to myself? Why would that go on in my head? And it was just years and years of practice of that self-talk.

CHRISTINE: So I had to do a complete 180 start talking to myself differently. And by the way, it was really uncomfortable when I looked in the mirror and I said to myself, you're beautiful, you're loved, you're worthy of the greatest love. I was so anxious and uncomfortable. But I tell you what, whatever you train your brain to do, it will do so years of practice right now, I look in the mirror.

CHRISTINE: I'm like, you're unstoppable. You're amazing. What you do is amazing. And it has nothing to do with the outside world. It has to do with my spirit. It from me, not from other voices. And also we also have to pay attention so clearly who we have in our life and what voices we're listening to.

CHRISTINE: So if I'm listening to somebody that used to pick on me or used to put me down, man, I have to kindly get rid of that person in my life because I know for myself that my self esteem is fragile enough that if I have a lot of people around me that are like, yeah, you can try to apply to Harvard and try to get in, but you're not going to get in.

CHRISTINE: I have to pay attention to that because I don't need those voices around me. I need voices that are gonna cheer me on and shore me forward and encourage me. And so I had to let people go gracefully in my life to where I don't really that's kind of a whisper. They just kind of left slowly because I can't afford those voices in my life.

CHRISTINE: So we have to take captive voices that aren't meant for our life. We also have to take captive the voice in our head that isn't meant for our life. And we have to retrain ourselves to talk kindly to ourselves and the people around us, talk kindly to ourselves, to us as well. And that's self-care. That's true. Self-care.

KATHLEEN: I agree with you wholeheartedly. Well, we're gonna take a quick commercial break.

KATHLEEN: Welcome back everyone to the journey of an awakening spirit. This is Kathleen Flanagan, your host and we have Christine Handy in the room with us today and we are moving a little fast on the show because she's got some exciting news that I want her to tell you all about so we can get her back to where she needs to be on time.

CHRISTINE: Well, do you want me to share now?

KATHLEEN: Yes, because we're talking so many cool things, but I want to kind of talk about this is such a cool thing. I want you to share as much as you want on this because I'm so excited for you.

CHRISTINE: Thank you. Well, I wrote a book, book is called Walk Beside Me. And the reason I really wrote the book was to show my journey from very low self-esteem and being allowing a doctor to bully me and to be in relationships that were toxic to completely transforming my life into somebody that just was walked away from all of that.

CHRISTINE: I don't know what the right way to say. It was a wrong way of living and to the light that I am and how I got there. And that was one through God and faith and the hands and feet of the Lord were the people that showed up for me.

CHRISTINE: And so if I thought if I could show that in a book, maybe other people who are struggling with self-esteem and other people who were struggling with self-care, they might pick the book up and go, ok, well, maybe this is a guide to, even though it's a fictional depiction of my life, maybe it'll give them ideas of how to change how to shift in their own lives.

CHRISTINE: And so that's the reason I wrote it. And I also wrote it because I wanted to show that women showing up for each other really could change and save a life. They certainly did for me.

CHRISTINE: And that is the power of collaboration versus other ways that people do. It, competition doesn't exist in my life. I am all about collaboration. And if I could show that, maybe that could teach women as well. And so I published my book in 2016 and in 2018, it was bought.

CHRISTINE: Well, it wasn't really bought, it was kind of bought to become a film and the Hamza films bought it. And now we are, we were supposed to start filming in May of 2020. Of course, we all know what happened in May of 2020. There there were no films going on during COVID.

CHRISTINE: And then actually most people said to me and to the projects back then, well, it probably won't be resurrected. You know, if it didn't get filmed now, it's probably not gonna resurrect. And I just thought, well, I have this really deep peace about it becoming a film.

CHRISTINE: I know that if it's on a bigger platform, then we have a bigger audience to show the showing up thing that I'm trying to teach people about. And so sure enough in 2022 it was resurrected again. And now through the strike and everything else and a lot of roller coaster rides and ups and downs, we are actually filming the book movie.

CHRISTINE: The movie is called Hello, beautiful. It's being filmed right now today in Boston, Massachusetts, I just came from set, I'm going back to set and it's incredible. There's so many things and so many reasons why it's important. It's important because Hollywood likes to portray illness with death.

CHRISTINE: And, mostly films like this end in a funeral. This film is a very hopeful funeral. It is not gonna end in my death. Obviously, I'm still alive. And, so it was really important for me because when I was going through breast cancer and I sought out other medias to show me what really happens during breast cancer, what really happens during mastectomies.

CHRISTINE: And, and I'm not talking about like videos on YouTube. I'm talking about like a story, like a narrative, and all the movies I could find and all the stories I could find and in a funeral and I had righteous anger about it.

CHRISTINE: And I thought God, if I can get this movie made, we can give so many people hope. And so that's exactly what's happening and we are working hard. We are filming in Boston from January 2nd to February 3rd and the movie will most likely come out this summer. And it's a full feature film. So that means like 90 plus minutes.

CHRISTINE: It's not a documentary, it's a story about a cancer patient and I can't tell you how it ends, but I can tell you that it's hopeful and it's powerful and it's an important film and I hope it gets out into the world and gives people hope that it needs that people need.

KATHLEEN: So, are you gonna be in the film? Are you gonna make a cameo appearance or anything?

CHRISTINE: I do, one little voice over and there's actually a scene tomorrow, there's a gala scene and so I'll probably walk behind the main stars, kind of like, oh, there she is. So in my book, actually in the bathroom of the main star. There's a lot of bathroom scenes because she's going through chemotherapy. And so you see, walk beside me, my book in the bathroom.

CHRISTINE: So there are spaces and places where my footprint is in it. Obviously, it's my story. But it's gonna be, listen, it's not for me, it's about me but it's not about me. It's not for me. It's to give people hope. I have hope. I found hope in God. I don't need it. I need other people. I need to give it to other people because that's my goal and that's my life's journey. That's my purpose.

KATHLEEN: So I have a question for you because I know that it's a journey. Everything is a journey of what you went through and the changes that you made in your life. But do you think because we didn't touch on your struggle of becoming a runway model?

KATHLEEN: Do you think that had a lot to do with the making of your movie now because of the connections that you made? Or do you think that was a little different?

CHRISTINE: It's possible, right. I mean, the bigger voice I had, the more publicity that I got, right. The better chances of the movie being made for sure I was in 2020 I had, well, in 2012, when I had mastectomies, I had implants and I loved my implants. I had them for seven years and for seven years, they liked me fine.

CHRISTINE: And then in 2020 I had an infection in my chest, March 25th of 2020. And that was 10 days after the world shut down. And so I was in the hospital for five days and then they released me and said, sent me home with a pick line and said, ok, once you're through with this stage of antibiotics, you're fine.

CHRISTINE: A month later, same problem infection came back back in the hospital, April 20 something of 2020. And then they did the same thing. They gave me medication, sent me home after five days. And then unfortunately, in June of 2020 I had a disaster with my implant and an infection.

CHRISTINE: And I was ultimately in the emergency room getting taken back for emergency surgery and I had no idea what was gonna happen or what I was gonna wake up to and my implants were excavated and there was no possible chance of reconstruction. And so I went from having really beautiful breasts as my own to really pretty breasts with the mastectomy after the mastectomy and felt very lucky.

CHRISTINE: And then it was excavated and I thought, wow, if I can feel if I have this strong faith and I have this strong self-esteem, and I'm going through this kind of emotional pain, how do the people feel that don't have the support that I do or don't have the faith that I do. And I thought I have to go back to modeling and I have to get on New York Fashion Week and showcase this on a bigger platform.

CHRISTINE: And I have to try to work with big brands like Victoria's Secret and try to model for them because if I can get those brands to back me up, maybe we can help these people that are struggling. And I it took me a while, but now I've walked in New York Fashion Week.

CHRISTINE: I mean, I don't know how many times for three years and Miami Swim Week and I collaborate with tons of brands and I've made a big splash, so to speak by being a breastless model. And I'm gonna keep going because people need to see my confidence because we can borrow each other's confidence when we don't have enough, we can share our confidence and borrow it from other people.

KATHLEEN: I would like you to share how, what this change and struggle is that you went through for bringing a print model to a runway model.

KATHLEEN: Because when I listened to your interview with Zak, it was, I was like, really and I think that gives people a little bit more of understanding you and your drive your tenacity of, I'm gonna do this. And I think that was such a powerful dissertation that you gave and I would love for the audience to hear about that.

CHRISTINE: Well, I don't know exactly what I said, but I will, I'll share how I feel about it. I was safe being a catalog commercial model. I was, I did it for 30 years and I was Too Short actually to be a runway model. And so the thought of going back into the modeling space one at 50 years old, two in runway because I figured that print, I could make a splash but runway would be a bigger splash.

CHRISTINE: And I was just trying to find the biggest out, biggest impact. And so I called my modeling agency and I said, hey, I'd love to come back to modeling when you guys open your doors again after COVID and they were like, sure, ok. And I said, well, I probably need to come in and show you what I look like now. And they were like, oh, send us a selfie. I was like, no, I think I should come in.

CHRISTINE: And so I went in my modeling agency and I showed them that I had a concave chest and they were like, you know what we love you, but we don't think that the clients are gonna want that. And I was like, ok, I very gracefully said, I'm gonna figure out a way to do it and I wasn't upset with them. I mean, they know the modeling world better than I do.

CHRISTINE: But I also knew my drive and I figured if I couldn't find a way, at least I could, I knew that I would try my hardest to do it. And at the end of the day, if it didn't work, it didn't work, I was gonna feel good about whatever the outcome was because I wasn't fixated on the outcome.

CHRISTINE: I just knew that I was going to work hard to do what I thought was necessary. And so I called my manager and I said, do you think you could get me into a show in New York Fashion Week? And she's like, yeah, I could try. And so I flew up to New York and I stood in line. I've never been in New York Fashion Week.

CHRISTINE: I stood in line behind all the people that were getting into the fashion shows and I would be the last person in line because I didn't have a ticket. And I would say to the people with the clipboards and, they have the dividers where you can't get by them and they have the bodyguards. And I was like, do you think I could, is there any empty, are there any empty seats?

CHRISTINE: And almost all the shows said, if there's an empty seat, we'll let you in. I got into a few shows and at the end of the shows, I would walk hurriedly up to the designer before they walked away and they have entourage around him. And I would say, hey, my name is Christine Handy.

CHRISTINE: I would say it really fast because I was afraid they were going to walk away. My name is Christine Handy. I've been a model for 40 years. I'd like to be in your show because I'm concave. I have a breast cancer survivor and da, da, da da. And I pitched my story really quickly and some of them said yes. And I had no idea how to walk runway.

CHRISTINE: Never done it my entire life. Absolutely. Never done it. And we're just coming out of COVID. And I was like, I haven't even put on a pair of heels in months because I live in Miami. I'm in flip flops and I don't need to wear heels right now because nobody's going out. And so I put on my, I figured that it would take me a month to get my calves and my feet back into heels.

CHRISTINE: So I put heels on. I wore heels every single day for a month. I wore them to the gym. I wore them to the grocery store. I was in my super short shorts in Miami because it was hot and I was wearing high heels. I looked like a hooker. It didn't matter to me because I knew what I was doing.

CHRISTINE: I never looked at me and I was like, I don't care what you think I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. I'm focused. And so I got ready. I watched YouTube videos and I learned how to walk the runway. And man, I showed up for New York Fashion Week prepared. I had no idea what was gonna happen.

CHRISTINE: But I knew if I was prepared, I was confident that I could do it. And I have done it for season after season now. And I, oh, it's funny because people know me as a runway model and I'm like, I'm not really a runway model. I am a print model but people don't know my 30 years of modeling. They know my last five years of modeling and I'm a runway model.

KATHLEEN: I love it. Well, we're gonna go ahead and take a quick commercial break.

KATHLEEN: Welcome back, everyone. This is the journey of an awakening spirit and I'm Kathleen Flanagan, your host. What is one piece of advice that you would offer our audience to help them move into a different direction, to achieve their dreams or become a better person?

CHRISTINE: I think the best thing that changed my life, two things I can't say one self talk and non judgment.

CHRISTINE: Everybody is coming from a different place. Everybody has a different, everybody has different formative years. We can't hardly, we can't judge ourselves and we know exactly what we went through. How can we judge other people?

KATHLEEN: Ok. So how can everybody, how can anybody get a hold of you if they wanted to reach out to? You?

CHRISTINE: Don't reach out to me till after February 3rd.

KATHLEEN: Just kidding. I get it. You're too busy in Boston freezing your little butt off being a little Miami girl that you are.

CHRISTINE: Oh my gosh. No, I am, I'm active. Very active on Instagram. Very inactive on Facebook. I'm sorry, I wish I was more active. I don't have a lot of time. I do have a web website that needs to get I need to redo it. I don't even have a lot, any of the film on it yet.

CHRISTINE: But my Instagram is Christine Handy one on Instagram And Facebook is Christine Handy and I'm on all socials. I'm on Pinterest. I'm on TikTok. I'm on them all because I have great people that help me make sure I'm on all of them.

KATHLEEN: Well, that is so wonderful and I know that you need to get back to the set and I'm gonna let you off the hook because I think they're I'm just so excited for you and I really do appreciate you taking the time out of a very busy schedule that you have right now. And I wanna just thank you so much for coming on the show today.

KATHLEEN: And I feel honored to have you here because I when I met you, well, while watching you on Zak Lioutas' show, I just knew I had to have you because you are definitely the beauty of that a woman represents because when you said that you didn't have a chest and I went to one of your sites or something and it was like she really doesn't, but I couldn't see that because I don't look at that.

KATHLEEN: I don't look at the beauty of what we have as women. It's just that you're just such a beautiful light and you're so beautiful and it's not this, I mean, you are beautiful this way too, right? It's, the inside of you that really emanates that causes the beauty that you are. Thank you so much for being here with us today. I really do appreciate it.

CHRISTINE: Well, it's my pleasure and I'll have to come back after the film is out and we can revisit and give some more hope to some more people because it really is important if we can serve others every day. What isn't that the greatest gift of all? So what you're doing is so important and thank you as well. You've inspired me as well.

KATHLEEN: Well, thank you. Well, you just enjoy the rest of your day and I will reach out to you down the road.

CHRISTINE: Awesome. Thank you.

KATHLEEN: All right. Thank you so much Christine for showing up.

CHRISTINE: Bye everybody.

KATHLEEN: I want to thank everyone for joining us today. And if you found value here, please like and subscribe to my channel at KathleenMFlanagan dot Well, not.com but YouTube. My books, Dancing Souls. The Call, The Dark Night of the Soul and Awakened are up on Amazon and KathleenMFlanagan.com.

KATHLEEN: Be sure to check out KathleenMFlanagan.com for the list of services and products that I'm offering. And I do have a three minute distress meditation that is absolutely free. I do not even require your email for it.

KATHLEEN: It is my gift to you so you can find a little bit of peace in your life. And then again, be sure to visit awakeningsspirit.com to take advantage of the 40% off with BraveTV, in the coupon code. And the same goes for grandmasnaturalremedies.net. That's a 20% discount.

KATHLEEN: Next week, I have Zak Lioutas coming on the show and we are going to talk about how you can use scripture to awaken your spirit, spiritual renewal. And it is such an amazing concept. She and I talked about it yesterday and she finally nailed it. She finally nailed it because you know, we talk about God and Jesus.

KATHLEEN: And we think religion and it's not that. And you are prime example, Christine of coming in as a prelude of what Zak and I are going to be talking about next week. So I'm really excited about that and everyone I will see you next Tuesday 4 p. m. Eastern Standard Time. And I hope you all have a fabulous week.