The Real Reason Your Anxiety Won't Turn Off (It's Not Overthinking)

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Someone tells you to stop overthinking like it's a switch, like you haven't already tried that a thousand times.

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If thinking positive thoughts actually turned off anxiety, none of us would be here today.

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Today I want to show you why the thoughts spinning in your head are usually a symptom, not the source, and

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what's actually driving the loop that mindset tricks can't touch.

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There are three things that I want to talk about. First, why treating anxiety as a thinking problem keeps you stuck.

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The second one is what's really running underneath the thoughts. And thirdly, the one thing that actually interrupts

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the loop. So first, anxiety is not primarily a thought problem. Thoughts

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are often the last thing that happen, not the first. Your body registers a cue, a threat cue, real or remembered,

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before your conscious mind has a single word for it. Then your mind trying to make sense of a body that doesn't

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already that's already activated goes looking for something to explain the alarm.

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That's why you can be anxious about nothing in particular or everything at once or find yourself catastrophicizing about a work email at 11 at night.

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The thought isn't causing the anxiety.

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The thought is your mind trying to justify an alarm. from your body already sounded what's underneath.

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If you grew up having to read a room for danger, a parents mood, a household that couldn't shift without warning, your

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body built a very sensitive threat detector. And that detector doesn't retire just because your life is safer now. It keeps scanning.

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And because it's scanning for danger, not facts, it will find something to attach to even when there's nothing

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actually wrong. And this is why reassurance rarely works for long.

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You're not lacking information. Your body is lacking evidence of safety it can actually feel. And third, we're going to talk about the interruption.

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Since the loop starts in the body, it has to be interrupted in the body, not argued with the mind. That means fig

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physical signals of safety, a longer exhale, movement, a hand on your own

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chest, contact with something solid, and grounding. These aren't tricks.

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They're direct messages to the part of your nervous system that started the alarm in the first place.

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Once the body downshifts, the mind naturally follows. You don't have to win the argument with your anxious thoughts.

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You have to give your body a reason to stand down.

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And I know for me, I had a couple of things that really got

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to me when I was when I actually noticed this. And the first time was when I was

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had the first water loss. Well, actually, the very first water loss was in my old house. And that water loss basically had me going.

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Um, I'm sorry folks, I'm being a little distracted. My computer's acting up a little bit.

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My very first water loss was in my old house and we had a pipe burke break from

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um a deep freeze that we were in. And you know, my partner goes out, s goes

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outside and he says, "Kath, we have a problem and

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he's he says there's water leaking." And so we immediately call a restoration.

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And at the time, I was also going to court taking this kid who had exposed

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himself to me. And I was like a total wreck. I didn't know how to deal with life at that point. I was totally in in a place of total insanity.

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I didn't know how to cope with anything.

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So, the only thing I knew how to do was uh clean out my email box. That's what I did because it was so hard to figure out

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what to do. And I didn't realize what was happening 100%. Yes, my house is disarrayed. Everything on the on the top

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floor is sitting in my living room because the water loss. Um, we thought there was so much more damage. I had a

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hole in my subfloor probably from the tub for 50 years of people not covering it, the putting the shower curtain up or

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to keep the water barrier away. And I didn't know how to deal with it. And then I call the court calls me and tells

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me what's going on with this kid. And I'm crying.

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I didn't even know why I was crying. I thought I dealt with everything, but apparently I hadn't. So, I just pretty much stopped because I didn't know what

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else to do. I really did not know what to do. So, I just stopped and just diverted and cleaned out my email box

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because that was the only thing that made sense at that time. When the second water loss happened at this new house,

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of course, we went into overwhelm again, but it wasn't as bad because this time I decided I was going to still be happy. I

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didn't know what to do at the time. I really didn't. I called and got um some estimate and $25,000

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was their estimate and was like, "Yeah, in your wildest dreams, I'm going to pay that." And the thing was is that if I would have paid it, it wouldn't have fixed the problem because that wasn't

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the problem. Yes, we did have water intrusion, but it wasn't where he was saying it was coming from. It was coming from someplace else. So, I ended up just

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hiring a plumber. We put in a sump pump and we did a French drain and so far, knock on wood, nothing has happened.

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But, you know, it was a lot of work and it was a lot of years to get to it because it was a crawl space.

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So, that was so much fun. And then the third time I had a water loss, which was this past May, was our water heater broke. Now, I was already in a different place.

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S was in a different place, but we still went down. Now, we didn't I didn't stop

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moving. I didn't do anything. What I what I ended up doing was we both knew what we had to do. So he did his thing,

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I did mine, got the plumber, made decisions, had to borrow money, and I was okay with it. I mean, I was really

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okay. Now, this was a lot further along than where I had been in the past, but it was still a lot. But what I also

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realized during that period of time, during that, was I wasn't going to argue with myself.

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I was incapable of doing anything. my capacity was shot and I knew that I'm learning a new program. I'm in this

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community and I'm learning and I'm excited and want to do it, but the capacity wasn't there to do it. Sal

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goes to Texas for a month. I don't know why he chose to do that, but he did. I stopped arguing. I stopped being a cranky person about it.

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And I just thought, okay. And then I learned about that there were seven types of rest and I had literally collapsed in all seven of them.

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But the thing that was the most interesting about all of this and it happened and it was beautifully orchestrated the way this all happened.

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Now life doesn't always is not always fun. I'll give you that and you know that as well as I do. But what I

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realized during that period of time is all the stuff that was still in the nervous system. Things that I thought were gone. So it wasn't about arguing

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with myself. It wasn't about talking to myself through it because the first time that's what I tried to do but I was incapable of doing it. The second time I

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just put my head in the sand on so many levels. I had put my head in the sand because I couldn't cope with it. I knew

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it had to be dealt with and I dealt with a lot of it. I cleaned it out. I had to wash bottles. I had to throw things away. There was a lot of things. But I

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dealt with it in the time when I could do it.

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And it was not easy. I mean, I put concrete in because the foundation had holes in it because they didn't get the air out when they poured the foundation

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all those years ago. I mean, there are so many things that we discovered. And it was a good thing because we were able to at least fix some of the problems that we discovered that were there.

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But the whole point was is I allowed whatever was still in there.

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So, here's this little girl who's pissing and moaning, complaining, doing the things that she did as a little girl

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trying to survive her life. And bad things happened to her. That was the bottom line. Bad things happened to her.

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She didn't know what to do. And what was the most interesting is like, wow, this has been running my life my whole life

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because I stopped long enough. I stopped and allowed myself to heal more.

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So with cell gone, I'd get up, I'd feel great, I'd feel refreshed, and probably about 1 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I was done for the day. I was literally

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done. And I'd go to bed about 8 9:00 at night, get up, and I felt great again.

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And it but it was about a month before I completely recovered. I mean, I was like, well, I hope I can feel somewhat

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more functional by the time Cell got home from Texas. And I did. But the thing

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that was the most interesting about allowing the anxiety and the overwhelm and everything I was

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feeling was just sitting and being in it. Now, it wasn't necessarily fun, but I didn't know what else to do. And I knew I needed to rest. I had just come

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off a 90-day detox. I mean, there were so many things that were going on inside my body that I had to allow it

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to give it peace. and I learned something more that there is really the body has its own language and we don't know what that is and it's not

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necessarily the easiest thing to learn but it talks to us and we have to listen to it and the only way it's going to

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talk to you is if you stop moving and you let it surface because that's what I did I let the

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whole thing surface and when I did that I swear to God I'm like oh my god if people knew what was going on in my head they'd institutionalized me because it was that bizarre to me.

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And I and I accepted it because I understood when I heard her, you know, pissing and moaning and grumping and

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being mad. I knew I remember all those things of just the stubbornness that I developed as a child to survive.

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It turned into anger and rage as I got older, but it was I was determined to just be who I wanted to be, whatever

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that was as a little girl. And allowing her to express herself and not judge her. It was like it just

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went poof just vanished into thin air when I let her do it. And that was such a cool experience at that moment was to

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allow her to just voice what she had to voice and then move on because she never

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had to do anything more than just be allowed to speak. And so I realized even

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more that it was no longer the argument because how many times have I woken up in the middle of the night and went, "Oh, like whatever something happened

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and it turns and it turns and it turns in my head and I can't let it go." I have done that my whole life where I just was like

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and I'm being like that and I'm like why am I being like this? I didn't realize it was my nervous system at that point. I didn't realize that

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something was triggering. I didn't realize I was looking over my shoulder.

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I didn't realize that I was constantly feeling threatened with my life because I did everything in my power to

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prove that I had nothing to fear but fear itself. And that's been my motto throughout my whole life. I did not realize that there were things behind

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everything that I thought and felt and experienced in my life.

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And so when I stopped to look at it and face it, and I swear it was from the time that I took that

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kid to court and the DA told me, "You are no longer a victim. You are now a survivor."

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And I didn't know what she meant. And she told me, she said, "You don't know what that means yet, but you will." And she was right. Because that was, in my

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opinion, the most critical time of my life was that I I stood up to a perpetrator. I took him to court. I

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battled everything in my head about I don't want to ruin his life and blah blah blah. And I was like, but what what are you saying? It's okay that he did what he did to you.

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No, it wasn't okay. He created it. I stopped it. Now, I was trying to help him, but you know, he chose to go a

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different route. That was his choice to make. It was not mine. I gave him every opportunity and he messed up. I don't know what happened to him. Don't care.

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But the whole point was is there was such a massive healing when I had done that as far as finally somebody heard me. Finally somebody's listening.

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Finally a man is not saying women are at fault cuz we're not.

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And I was angry. I was very angry and I was enraged at the time and wanted other

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women to do this as hard as it was. But I had friends who just put their foot down, says, "Kath, you got to do it. You got to do it. You got to do it." So, I

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did it. And I'm so glad I did it. It wasn't the easiest thing. It was a very emotional thing, but I did it. But that

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was this that was when my journey of really starting to heal happened.

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And I did it. And I didn't have to be alone in it. I mean, I was in court alone. That's that was a different

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story. But I wasn't alone with this. I had people that were supporting me, that

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were helping me to heal, and that's what mattered. So when all these other things started happening, more water loss,

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it wasn't as traumatic as the first time around. That was the thing that was the best. It wasn't

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it just wasn't that anymore. So that's why I always say just be with it. Allow the thoughts to

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come up. Allow whatever is happening in your mind to express itself because that's where it's got to heal.

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And as I started doing this and there would be times that I all of a sudden out of nowhere something just started happening and I'm freaking out and it

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would be like Kath stop. Sit down and breathe. And that's what I did because something agitated me and I don't know

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what it would be just something weird just you know how energy works sometimes something freaks you out and I had many of those moments where I had to stop

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myself and just be okay with what I was doing and so I did. And so that's how I know how to heal the nervous system is

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because I've learned how to heal it. I learned that I needed to stop. I needed to breathe. I needed to like exhale and

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just allow the body to do what it needs to do because our bodies are designed to not be sick.

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It it wants to be in homeostasis. And if we're carrying all this garbage in our head, how are we in homeostasis? We're not. The body's constantly fighting and

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protecting itself. It's in constant fight or flight.

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And it was time to end that. And so that's why I know that what I'm doing, it works because it's working for me.

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And if it's working for me, it can work for others. But it takes discipline and it takes not wanting to be in the

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drama anymore. And it takes that it's time to just move on with your life. And those are all the things that I have

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chosen to do to make things move in a different direction that I didn't want to always feel anxious. I didn't always

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want to be looking over my shoulder. I wanted to be able to put my shoulders down. I wanted to be able to breathe. I

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wanted to feel safe. Above all else, I just always wanted to feel safe because I never felt that. And I do now.

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And that is a godsend. And can I feel safer? Oh, all the time. But you know what? It's a baby step at a time. And I and I'm a firm believer in baby steps.

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And even when it doesn't look like I'm moving, I'm still moving because it doesn't matter as long as I'm moving in that I know that I'm moving away from

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where I'm was at and I'm moving closer to my dream and I'm shifting the energy around me. And sometimes it takes a

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little bit of time just to shift the energy and be around the energy to where we're comfortable with it. That's why things don't happen so quickly all the

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time because most of us wouldn't be able to handle it. Doesn't matter if it's good, bad, right, or wrong. we wouldn't handle it. That's why things move as

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slow as they do because it gives our bodies an opportunity to catch up with us because a lot of times we forget our

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body. We neglect our body and it's our body that houses our spirit and it's our body that is the physical manifestation

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and it's what creates the manifestation in your life. So I hope that helps to bring a little bit of clarity based on the life that I had.

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So, what I'd like you to do now is go ahead and close your eyes if you're able to. And if not, it's okay

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to keep your eyes open and

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just be where you need to be.

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So, whatever works for you. I just want you to be here right now.

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So, go ahead and place your hand on your on your heart.

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And if your hands are busy, just picture doing it.

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Feel or imagine the contact.

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solid real

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here and say out loud or silently,

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"My body is safe right now in this moment, not forever.

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Not always just right now.

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Take in a breath for the count of four.

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Hold for one and exhale through six.

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That extended exhale is the signal your nervous system is waiting for. So go ahead and take in one more deep breath for the count of four.

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Hold for one and exhale for six.

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That's the whole practice.

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You just gave your body evidence, not an argument.

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If you're anxious mind has been running the show for a long time, you don't have to figure this out by yourself.

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inside the Eye on the Light Sanctuary.

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This is the exact kind of work that we build together week after week. I'm offering a 7-day free trial, so come in and check it out.

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Friday, I've got the permission of your permission slip and it ties right into what we've covered today.

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I am Kathleen Flanagan and you don't have to do this alone and I will see you on Friday.

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